A
I can only think of one way for me to come out of the condition I am in,.. That is utter solitude (otherwise known as isolation).
The things I encounter on a daily basis (at home) are delving deep into my mind, and with nobody I can trust to talk to about them, it just digs deeper without understanding. The thoughts that run through my fallen mind contradict my new spirit, I'm deadlocked in conflict. The source of these things seems to be in my nature (with which I feel at war with), and I have no one but The Lord to trust to bring resolve. Even those closest to me are inadequate to give the support I need. Which is why I feel as though I need to live in solitude. Just The Lord and myself, and perhaps maybe one who truly wants to be there with me. Other than the desire to meet one who God channels His love through, I desire only to feel love from Him. Not even my parents are able to satisfy the burning of my heart, which grieves me because of all they've done for me. I'm grateful that The Lord has blessed me with them though, and I do feel His love through all He's done for me through them. But still I feel there remains this void that only the love of God through a woman can fill. Otherwise, I don't know how He plans to fill it. So until He does, however He does it, IF He even wills it, I wish to be in complete solitude so I can feel more at peace. Now, I know some people think that living in solitude isn't good for a man, but what if the man feels that The Lord is calling him to live in such a way? What then? Am I being deceived? I think not, for The Lord does not deceive. I've felt this way once before, and the works I felt The Lord doing in my life were astonishing. Yes I still smoked, yes I still lusted,.. But now more than ever, those two things I feel are keeping me from the wonders of His love. The question remains in my mind, how? How long, O Lord, will You refrain from abolishing my sin? The helplessness I feel is overpowering. I conclude with this; seclusion from all the things in my life as I know it is the only way. Complete dependence upon Him is what I need. I need to be in a situation of life where I rely fully on His grace, no one else's,..
The things I encounter on a daily basis (at home) are delving deep into my mind, and with nobody I can trust to talk to about them, it just digs deeper without understanding. The thoughts that run through my fallen mind contradict my new spirit, I'm deadlocked in conflict. The source of these things seems to be in my nature (with which I feel at war with), and I have no one but The Lord to trust to bring resolve. Even those closest to me are inadequate to give the support I need. Which is why I feel as though I need to live in solitude. Just The Lord and myself, and perhaps maybe one who truly wants to be there with me. Other than the desire to meet one who God channels His love through, I desire only to feel love from Him. Not even my parents are able to satisfy the burning of my heart, which grieves me because of all they've done for me. I'm grateful that The Lord has blessed me with them though, and I do feel His love through all He's done for me through them. But still I feel there remains this void that only the love of God through a woman can fill. Otherwise, I don't know how He plans to fill it. So until He does, however He does it, IF He even wills it, I wish to be in complete solitude so I can feel more at peace. Now, I know some people think that living in solitude isn't good for a man, but what if the man feels that The Lord is calling him to live in such a way? What then? Am I being deceived? I think not, for The Lord does not deceive. I've felt this way once before, and the works I felt The Lord doing in my life were astonishing. Yes I still smoked, yes I still lusted,.. But now more than ever, those two things I feel are keeping me from the wonders of His love. The question remains in my mind, how? How long, O Lord, will You refrain from abolishing my sin? The helplessness I feel is overpowering. I conclude with this; seclusion from all the things in my life as I know it is the only way. Complete dependence upon Him is what I need. I need to be in a situation of life where I rely fully on His grace, no one else's,..
