Lied about pornography

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romans1212

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Hi everyone, I've gotten myself in a bit of a mess. For starters, I have been dating my boyfriend about four months now. We are both Christians and about two weeks ago, we were talking and he told me that he has a problem with pornography. He told me it is something he has struggles with his entire life, but he is doing a lot better with it then he has in the past. No one knows about this except me, so though I encouraged him to seek a male accountability partner, I told him I would ask him every week if he has done it. Well, the last time I asked him, he had done it that week. I don't get angry at him, I just try to help him. However, there is a huge issue that is on my heart. I too have also struggled with a pornography problem my entire life, and I still struggle with it as well. I've felt convicted to tell him, but I have never been brave enough. So, my boyfriend has NO idea that I also struggle with it. Well today, I asked him if he had looked at pornography this week. He told me he hadn't, then he said "what about you? Have you ever dealt with it?" He caught me totally off guard with this question, so I lied. I told him no. So now I not only feel awful that I'm hiding this struggle from him, but I also feel absolutely terrible that I lied to his face when he has been so truthful to me. However, my question is, what do I do? Do I tell him immediately that I lied to him today? Or is it still okay for me to give myself time to be open with him about it? Because I lied, I feel like I should tell him asap. However, it is just incredibly hard for me, and I just don't feel ready. I would appreciate any input on this.

Thank you
 
romans1212 said:
Hi everyone, I've gotten myself in a bit of a mess. For starters, I have been dating my boyfriend about four months now. We are both Christians and about two weeks ago, we were talking and he told me that he has a problem with pornography. He told me it is something he has struggles with his entire life, but he is doing a lot better with it then he has in the past. No one knows about this except me, so though I encouraged him to seek a male accountability partner, I told him I would ask him every week if he has done it. Well, the last time I asked him, he had done it that week. I don't get angry at him, I just try to help him. However, there is a huge issue that is on my heart. I too have also struggled with a pornography problem my entire life, and I still struggle with it as well. I've felt convicted to tell him, but I have never been brave enough. So, my boyfriend has NO idea that I also struggle with it. Well today, I asked him if he had looked at pornography this week. He told me he hadn't, then he said "what about you? Have you ever dealt with it?" He caught me totally off guard with this question, so I lied. I told him no. So now I not only feel awful that I'm hiding this struggle from him, but I also feel absolutely terrible that I lied to his face when he has been so truthful to me. However, my question is, what do I do? Do I tell him immediately that I lied to him today? Or is it still okay for me to give myself time to be open with him about it? Because I lied, I feel like I should tell him asap. However, it is just incredibly hard for me, and I just don't feel ready. I would appreciate any input on this.

Thank you
Click to expand...

This question probably deserves a long answer. Right now, however I'll just say this.

Sin loves darkness. The more we hide things, the more power it has over us. When we shed light on our sins and our failures, it allows God's great love and grace to shine in. If this guy is a christian, and has Christ living in him, I have no doubt that he will be thankful that you shared the truth with him.

It will be hard, but God despises deceit. He will give you the strength.
 
romans1212 said:
Hi everyone, I've gotten myself in a bit of a mess. For starters, I have been dating my boyfriend about four months now. We are both Christians and about two weeks ago, we were talking and he told me that he has a problem with pornography. He told me it is something he has struggles with his entire life, but he is doing a lot better with it then he has in the past. No one knows about this except me, so though I encouraged him to seek a male accountability partner, I told him I would ask him every week if he has done it. Well, the last time I asked him, he had done it that week. I don't get angry at him, I just try to help him. However, there is a huge issue that is on my heart. I too have also struggled with a pornography problem my entire life, and I still struggle with it as well. I've felt convicted to tell him, but I have never been brave enough. So, my boyfriend has NO idea that I also struggle with it. Well today, I asked him if he had looked at pornography this week. He told me he hadn't, then he said "what about you? Have you ever dealt with it?" He caught me totally off guard with this question, so I lied. I told him no. So now I not only feel awful that I'm hiding this struggle from him, but I also feel absolutely terrible that I lied to his face when he has been so truthful to me. However, my question is, what do I do? Do I tell him immediately that I lied to him today? Or is it still okay for me to give myself time to be open with him about it? Because I lied, I feel like I should tell him asap. However, it is just incredibly hard for me, and I just don't feel ready. I would appreciate any input on this.

Thank you
Click to expand...


This is a very sad post. At your age and saying this has been with you all your life is not good. I would suggest that you tell your boy friend asap. Then I would suggest that you both unplug the computer which is where you are probably getting this stuff. You can live without a computer for awhile and when you see each other for a date, have Bible study together. Satan's window into your life is the computer and you need to close it right now. I will put you both on my prayer list and the Church prayer list.

Ask a friend if you can use their computer for a couple of minutes and let us know how you are doing. Computer or Bible it's your choice and Ii pray you will make the right one...Cheers
 
I've seen this video on Youtube, hope this helps you and you boyfriend with this issue.

Matthew 19:26 - But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Romans 6:14 - For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 6:12 - Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions

Colossians 3:5 - Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

I love you sister and God will and can help you overcome this, both you and your boyfriend.

James 5:16

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDU4lkBC5tU[/video]
 
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what ever you are feeding - the more it grows (it's that simple). Ive seen the smut and got away from it and the temptation and desire went away. Don't feed it and it will die. like God's word say's in Pro 25:28 that a person who has no rule over their own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls (As such a city can be plundered and laid waste - we are exposed to the incursions of evil thoughts and successful temptations). keep playing games and see who the chest master of destruction is in your lives. I'd rather be clay in the Potter's hand than a pawn in Satan's. As for telling him, there are several verses in God's word about having a clear conscience. But I'd say it's what ever you think or know how he will react if you do tell him. either way, put all things behind and look forward.
 
If you're having a good, long relationship with this guy, and are having any thoughts of things becoming more serious one day, you are totally ruining everything by lying. You cannot found a solid, healthy relationship with lies. And if you aren't strong enough to be honest with him, then you really need to rethink if you should even be in a relationship. If you can't be open and honest now, you will likely carry this into the relationship further.
Also, eventually the truth will come out. Do you want it out now? Or do you want him, as your husband, to come across your internet history and realize it then? He probably has a level of guilt in regards to you and his addiction. If he were to find out you hid the same addiction from him, its likely to make him bitter and angry as he will have felt all this guilt, only to find out you're both guilty of the same struggles.
You really need to do a check on your character.
 
thank you everyone, I told him tonight. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
 
Attraction to the opposite sex, sexual desire and the thought of it.. is completely natural..
 
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