Like I don't belong

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JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#21
Jan 16, 2021
6,222
2,524
113
#21
Talljacob said:
Oh I can chat with these men just fine. And it is not just at work but in public. It is more of finding out if it's a sin to separate yourself and stay away at times. I can change the topic 1000 times in a row but it gets pin pointed to two things filthy words and sex. Everytime, it never fails.
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Sounds like you are having issues with understanding group dynamics. I know that you like to watch....and get disheartened when the discussion goes that direction....

But there are mechanics and elements to group dynamics that you seem to be missing.

Try reading a few books on the subject....there are plenty around. Then use that knowledge to figure out the roles people have. It will be a very enlightening read.

Manipulation is getting people to do what they wouldn't and shouldn't and especially not in their own self interests....

leading is getting people to do what they already know they should and enjoying it with a purpose....
And understanding group dynamics is very much a part of that. Not everyone who talks the loudest and the most is the real leader of a group...most people cower away from conflict. But if they know that they are in a large group of people who will back them up, they will take a stand.
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#22
Sep 23, 2014
7,159
2,174
113
#22
Talljacob said:
Oh I can chat with these men just fine. And it is not just at work but in public. It is more of finding out if it's a sin to separate yourself and stay away at times. I can change the topic 1000 times in a row but it gets pin pointed to two things filthy words and sex. Everytime, it never fails.
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If you are thinking of being separate solely in terms of the physical dynamics, then I think you are missing a major aspect of being set apart which is a rather a designation, or an appointment, more than just an activity. That is, although a particular vessel may sit amongst more common vessels, it is set apart from common purpose. It is not fashioned for common use. Your function is uncommon and so it is with faith and loneliness.
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#23
#23
JohnDB said:
Sounds like you are having issues with understanding group dynamics. I know that you like to watch....and get disheartened when the discussion goes that direction....

But there are mechanics and elements to group dynamics that you seem to be missing.

Try reading a few books on the subject....there are plenty around. Then use that knowledge to figure out the roles people have. It will be a very enlightening read.

Manipulation is getting people to do what they wouldn't and shouldn't and especially not in their own self interests....

leading is getting people to do what they already know they should and enjoying it with a purpose....
And understanding group dynamics is very much a part of that. Not everyone who talks the loudest and the most is the real leader of a group...most people cower away from conflict. But if they know that they are in a large group of people who will back them up, they will take a stand.
Click to expand...
The old me was involved in these conversations but now I just don't feel like I belong. I have no interest in how or what they talk about because it's 99% about filth. They turn fishing dirty in ten seconds. it's just hard to be around it every day. It doesn't matter where you go it's all the same. Once you talk about the lord the hole mood changes
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#24
#24
JohnDB said:
Sounds like you are having issues with understanding group dynamics. I know that you like to watch....and get disheartened when the discussion goes that direction....

But there are mechanics and elements to group dynamics that you seem to be missing.

Try reading a few books on the subject....there are plenty around. Then use that knowledge to figure out the roles people have. It will be a very enlightening read.

Manipulation is getting people to do what they wouldn't and shouldn't and especially not in their own self interests....

leading is getting people to do what they already know they should and enjoying it with a purpose....
And understanding group dynamics is very much a part of that. Not everyone who talks the loudest and the most is the real leader of a group...most people cower away from conflict. But if they know that they are in a large group of people who will back them up, they will take a stand.
Click to expand...
The old me was involved in these conversations but now I just don't feel like I belong. I have no interest in how or what they talk about because it's 99% about filth. They turn fishing dirty in ten seconds. it's just hard to be around it every day. It doesn't matter where you go it's all the same. Once you talk about the lord the hole mood changes
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#25
#25
Mem said:
If you are thinking of being separate solely in terms of the physical dynamics, then I think you are missing a major aspect of being set apart which is a rather a designation, or an appointment, more than just an activity. That is, although a particular vessel may sit amongst more common vessels, it is set apart from common purpose. It is not fashioned for common use. Your function is uncommon and so it is with faith and loneliness.
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No sir. I separate myself because I can't handle the conversation at times. Listening to it everytime people talk just gets hard. Sometimes I separate to refocus myself and make sure I'm centered with the lord. The old me was a part of those conversations and now I don't want to be. It bothers me that I use to talk like that
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#26
Sep 23, 2014
7,159
2,174
113
#26
Talljacob said:
No sir. I separate myself because I can't handle the conversation at times. Listening to it everytime people talk just gets hard. Sometimes I separate to refocus myself and make sure I'm centered with the lord. The old me was a part of those conversations and now I don't want to be. It bothers me that I use to talk like that
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Right, I get you don't want to be influenced by it. However, your discomfort with it shows your influence comes from the Lord, and you're already on course to putting on the incorruptibility of the Lord so, just keep that in mind. Going by the prophecy that all things will be a shaken, and only those things which are secure will remain standing, I think this is applicable in the deductive scheme of things also. That is, if a behavior is shaky, then it should easily be toppled by a sturdy push against it.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#28
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#28
Talljacob said:
In all honesty i feel alone with Christ. Not that I think that's bad but the people around me outside of church are nonbelievers. It's a real struggle at times.
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I read a story the other day it was about a mother giving her daughter some advice after the girl had been at a gathering with other girls her age and that she felt that she wasn't a part of the group. Her mother said remember how you felt and when you see someone else that is that is alone and looking a little sad and lonely go and make them feel welcome and accepted.

Look around in the group and you may see someone else on the outer edges which you could be friendly with as they might be feeling like you are. Any way I thought that was really good advice.

As someone else already said we are never alone because God is always with us and has promised to be there for us until the end. When I realized that I have never felt alone again even when I am alone because I know God is with me and it is most calming to remember that.
 
ResidentAlien

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
#29
Apr 21, 2021
8,313
3,618
113
#29
Talljacob said:
I work for a tree company and today I noticed something. I sometimes feel out of place working around my normal group. Today I am with a bigger and different group of people. I was stepped back looking at who and what I was looking at an it occurred to me, I feel separate. I feel a bit alone, like I have no brothers or sisters in Christ. The things I see and hear are things I don't want to be a part of or engage with.

Is this wrong to say or feel? Am I the only one who has felt this way? As I speak they are grouped and I am alone with Christ. I have tried to witness to some to be rejected but I feel alone here.

I pray for them
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I've been in situations like yours and it can get a bit awkward, especially if you have to work closely together. I don't think it's sinful necessarily to be standoffish but it might get pretty uncomfortable if they always give you a hard time about it.

I was looking at your profile and it seems you're a fairly new believer. First let me congratulate you on your decision to get on the straight and narrow! When I was a new believer, situations like yours made me very uncomfortable. Today, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably keep to myself; but, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them why, and share the gospel with them whenever possible.

It's impossible to isolate from every interaction with unbelievers, but some situations are easier to live with than others. If you feel like you'd be better off in a different situation then start praying and looking for one. Running isn't always the answer, but sometimes it is.
 
Vanderlandia

Vanderlandia

Member
#30
Aug 2, 2021
7
45
13
#30
Talljacob said:
I work for a tree company and today I noticed something. I sometimes feel out of place working around my normal group. Today I am with a bigger and different group of people. I was stepped back looking at who and what I was looking at an it occurred to me, I feel separate. I feel a bit alone, like I have no brothers or sisters in Christ. The things I see and hear are things I don't want to be a part of or engage with.

Is this wrong to say or feel? Am I the only one who has felt this way? As I speak they are grouped and I am alone with Christ. I have tried to witness to some to be rejected but I feel alone here.

I pray for them❤️
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It's not wrong to feel that way and it's not a sin either, you feel that way because you are now a new man in Christ the conversations that used to serve you, today don't serve you anymore. Your friends of work doesn't same level of purpose as you, so no matter how much you explain, they may not understand, because those who are not on the same spiritual level as we are, will never understand what we are living. One piece of advice for you is: Never stop talking to your co-workers no matter how much you feel out of place in their midst, and in the midst of the conversations they talk. You are light and it is precisely in the midst of them that you will shine with your example. Ask God for wisdom to guide you to help them, God will create strategies and opportunities for you to speak among your friends. Be wise and pray!
 
Vanderlandia

Vanderlandia

Member
#31
Aug 2, 2021
7
45
13
#31
Talljacob said:
I work for a tree company and today I noticed something. I sometimes feel out of place working around my normal group. Today I am with a bigger and different group of people. I was stepped back looking at who and what I was looking at an it occurred to me, I feel separate. I feel a bit alone, like I have no brothers or sisters in Christ. The things I see and hear are things I don't want to be a part of or engage with.

Is this wrong to say or feel? Am I the only one who has felt this way? As I speak they are grouped and I am alone with Christ. I have tried to witness to some to be rejected but I feel alone here.

I pray for them❤️
Click to expand...
there is time for all things, be quiet, silent, just pray and ask God to create opportunities for you to speak in their midst, hey God will create paths and strategies just be patient.
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#32
#32
Vanderlandia said:
there is time for all things, be quiet, silent, just pray and ask God to create opportunities for you to speak in their midst, hey God will create paths and strategies just be patient.
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Out of all I heard, I hear this most. Thank you van :)
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#33
#33
Vanderlandia said:
It's not wrong to feel that way and it's not a sin either, you feel that way because you are now a new man in Christ the conversations that used to serve you, today don't serve you anymore. Your friends of work doesn't same level of purpose as you, so no matter how much you explain, they may not understand, because those who are not on the same spiritual level as we are, will never understand what we are living. One piece of advice for you is: Never stop talking to your co-workers no matter how much you feel out of place in their midst, and in the midst of the conversations they talk. You are light and it is precisely in the midst of them that you will shine with your example. Ask God for wisdom to guide you to help them, God will create strategies and opportunities for you to speak among your friends. Be wise and pray!
Click to expand...
Amen van. Stay calm and peaceful and show them gods light. Without even speaking, let them see. I understand. Thank you so much
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#34
#34
ResidentAlien said:
I've been in situations like yours and it can get a bit awkward, especially if you have to work closely together. I don't think it's sinful necessarily to be standoffish but it might get pretty uncomfortable if they always give you a hard time about it.

I was looking at your profile and it seems you're a fairly new believer. First let me congratulate you on your decision to get on the straight and narrow! When I was a new believer, situations like yours made me very uncomfortable. Today, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably keep to myself; but, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them why, and share the gospel with them whenever possible.

It's impossible to isolate from every interaction with unbelievers, but some situations are easier to live with than others. If you feel like you'd be better off in a different situation then start praying and looking for one. Running isn't always the answer, but sometimes it is.
Click to expand...
No I don't want to run. It was more of something I was able to observe. It makes me realize how I have come a long ways with the lord's doings. the lord has changed me so much and I see it. I see so many things and feel very different. That's all the lord's doing and I am so thankful. I try to talk about the lord one on one more so though
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#35
#35
JesusLives said:
I read a story the other day it was about a mother giving her daughter some advice after the girl had been at a gathering with other girls her age and that she felt that she wasn't a part of the group. Her mother said remember how you felt and when you see someone else that is that is alone and looking a little sad and lonely go and make them feel welcome and accepted.

Look around in the group and you may see someone else on the outer edges which you could be friendly with as they might be feeling like you are. Any way I thought that was really good advice.

As someone else already said we are never alone because God is always with us and has promised to be there for us until the end. When I realized that I have never felt alone again even when I am alone because I know God is with me and it is most calming to remember that.
Click to expand...
Amen. I had said I am alone with Christ, I was just stating how I feel alone because I had taken a step back like I normally do but this time it was different. Everything is not the same. My day to day living is changed. I have noticed it. It's the lord's doing and not my own.
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#36
#36
Mem said:
Right, I get you don't want to be influenced by it. However, your discomfort with it shows your influence comes from the Lord, and you're already on course to putting on the incorruptibility of the Lord so, just keep that in mind. Going by the prophecy that all things will be a shaken, and only those things which are secure will remain standing, I think this is applicable in the deductive scheme of things also. That is, if a behavior is shaky, then it should easily be toppled by a sturdy push against it.
Click to expand...
So I should stand in the crowd and stand firm. For the lord is with me and is building me stronger. So when people shake me I will stand firm ...? Something like that?
 
hornetguy

hornetguy

Senior Member
#37
Jan 18, 2016
7,114
1,743
113
#37
Talljacob said:
Oh no I don't run and hide. However I do stand aside from time to time. That is something I have always done. I observe or people watch. I just wasn't sure if it is a sin to feel this way. But singing is my way of going when I have truly had enough. In my head if people are around
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ahh... then I misunderstood.... what you are describing seems pretty normal to me. Jesus even needed downtime for introspection and prayer.... but do not skip your role in being the "good example" in the group... that's one of our main duties...
 
T

Talljacob

Guest
#38
#38
hornetguy said:
ahh... then I misunderstood.... what you are describing seems pretty normal to me. Jesus even needed downtime for introspection and prayer.... but do not skip your role in being the "good example" in the group... that's one of our main duties...
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Oh no, but when it comes to witnessing I feel better 1 on 1 verses a group. It makes me see how much the lord has changed me. The old me is truly dead. there are pieces left like shattered glass. The lord is helping me pick them out. he is in control of all these things. I see and feel it. I love the lord with all my heart
 
Tazz

Tazz

New member
#39
Jun 27, 2022
25
14
3
#39
Talljacob said:
The old me was involved in these conversations but now I just don't feel like I belong. I have no interest in how or what they talk about because it's 99% about filth. They turn fishing dirty in ten seconds. it's just hard to be around it every day. It doesn't matter where you go it's all the same. Once you talk about the lord the hole mood changes
Click to expand...
I know where you are coming from. Im similar, been a Christian for yrs but still feel the same. Most people these days mouths are horrid with what spews out.
There are people I know that I avoid in the street, the reason, when they open their mouth every expletive known to mankind comes pouring out and they dont care who hears it, wether in front of children, old people. I stay away from them, the old guilty through association, I dont want people thinking im the same. In work, well when its bad I don't join in the conversation.
If they want to talk sensible, no worries, but if not its their loss not mine.
 
B

blueluna5

Well-known member
#40
Jul 30, 2018
658
393
63
#40
Talljacob said:
Thank you very much for your response. This group are people I know, and only witness one at a time. I know that's new information fo too r you. It's just sometimes I feel like I go off alone. Even out of work. I'm just not sure if that is sinful to purposely separate yourself
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I wouldn't say it's sinful. Jesus often separated himself.
 
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