G
gods_kid
Guest
It was late, very, very late - or was it very, very early? She no longer really knew. It no longer really mattered. She was more alone than she could remember ever being before. Although surrounded by people, she was more alone than she could remember ever being before. She felt tired. She felt scared. She felt hopeless. And looking around at the faces near her, she could see that everyone else felt that same exhaustion, fear, and discouragement.
She couldn't really remember how long she'd been sitting in that same spot, not talking, staring at the chips in the paint and the carved names on the wall. She was surrounded by hardness, surrounded by dirt, surrounded by unfamiliar smells, surrounded by voices all talking at once, surrounded by harshness....surrounded by failure and resignation. How long ago had she walked through the underground belly of the huge imposing building usually only seen from the street? How far had she walked? How far hidden away was she now? How long would it take to get back home? But she couldn't go home. Each turn of the long, dark hallways, each slammed door behind her, each step forward she took only pushed her further and further and further into the darkness, away from home and family and love.
Although she didn't know it, she'd been locked away in that underground belly for thirteen hours. Thirteen hours and a million miles removed from her life. When the time finally came to move she realized how chains can really hold you back, slow you down, make it more difficult to move and act and feel normal. Chains are not for walking, definitely, chains want to keep you where you are. Chains are heavy, oppressive, tiring, clumsy. When you have chains wrapped around you, you realize those chains can make you do whatever they want you to do. And if you should lose heart while encircled by those chains, you will lose your life.
Sitting in a cage in the pitch black night. Such a small cage. Nowhere to put her legs. Nowhere to put her arms. The only option is to sit very still with her arms and legs pulled in against herself as tightly as possible, resisting the push and pull of the cage's unique and undulating gravity. She fixes her eyes on a small speck of light. She didn't know where the light was coming from. She didn't care. She fixated on that speck of light and she sang to herself. Over and over and over she sang a song that seemed to calm her:
If you're in over your head
Lift it up, lift it up.
Listen to the sound of hope that's rising
Over your own horizon
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound.
And listen to the sound of a new beginning
This is where the old is ending,
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound.
His grace is reaching for you
His grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
Wherever you are....
Repeating these words in her head, while in chains in a pitch black cage staring at a small speck of light. More than fear of the unknown, she felt resignation to whatever was coming at her. She had no idea what was going to happen next. She had no idea of what she'd be forced to go through within the next seconds, minutes, hours, days. She was surrounded by other black featureless figures, crammed against them like a tiny puzzle piece, she could hear voices. She was surrounded, yet she was totally alone. She could not think of one person who knew where she was at that moment. So she just continued singing those lyrics to herself, trying to draw strength - trying to just FIND strength. She had idea where this moving cage was taking her, she only knew it was taking her far, far away from everyone and everything she loved. But this was her journey to take. No one could take it for her.
Later. as all around her people lay motionless, sleeping, she sits and stares into the night. Where was she again? How did she arrive here again? When did that first domino fall over? Who was she now? Watching a small blur scurrying around in the dark she realizes it's a mouse. Looking away, looking down at where she was sitting she saw hundreds of tiny ants. The larger crawling shapes she realizes, in horror, are roaches. How can you look up and see a moon and stars and a black velvety sky when you can then look down and see rodents, insects, sleeping strangers? She could not figure out a way to reconcile who she was now with who she used to be. No match. Too many puzzle pieces missing to form an actual, whole story.
How did she ever wander so far off the path? How did she become who she is now? What one final decision was made that incinerated her entire world? How is she finding herself surrounded by the dark, by hardness, by screaming demons, by cages? How is it possible, when before this she'd been surrounded by love and laughter and home and normalcy? She just sits, motionless, wondering if God actually saw her, actually knew where she was, wondering where mercy is.
Where is mercy? Where is it? The questions that have no answers. The sound of isolation, the sound of strangeness, the sound of hopelessness.
She begins to again sing the lyrics to herself:
She couldn't really remember how long she'd been sitting in that same spot, not talking, staring at the chips in the paint and the carved names on the wall. She was surrounded by hardness, surrounded by dirt, surrounded by unfamiliar smells, surrounded by voices all talking at once, surrounded by harshness....surrounded by failure and resignation. How long ago had she walked through the underground belly of the huge imposing building usually only seen from the street? How far had she walked? How far hidden away was she now? How long would it take to get back home? But she couldn't go home. Each turn of the long, dark hallways, each slammed door behind her, each step forward she took only pushed her further and further and further into the darkness, away from home and family and love.
Although she didn't know it, she'd been locked away in that underground belly for thirteen hours. Thirteen hours and a million miles removed from her life. When the time finally came to move she realized how chains can really hold you back, slow you down, make it more difficult to move and act and feel normal. Chains are not for walking, definitely, chains want to keep you where you are. Chains are heavy, oppressive, tiring, clumsy. When you have chains wrapped around you, you realize those chains can make you do whatever they want you to do. And if you should lose heart while encircled by those chains, you will lose your life.
Sitting in a cage in the pitch black night. Such a small cage. Nowhere to put her legs. Nowhere to put her arms. The only option is to sit very still with her arms and legs pulled in against herself as tightly as possible, resisting the push and pull of the cage's unique and undulating gravity. She fixes her eyes on a small speck of light. She didn't know where the light was coming from. She didn't care. She fixated on that speck of light and she sang to herself. Over and over and over she sang a song that seemed to calm her:
If you're in over your head
Lift it up, lift it up.
Listen to the sound of hope that's rising
Over your own horizon
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound.
And listen to the sound of a new beginning
This is where the old is ending,
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound.
His grace is reaching for you
His grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
Wherever you are....
Repeating these words in her head, while in chains in a pitch black cage staring at a small speck of light. More than fear of the unknown, she felt resignation to whatever was coming at her. She had no idea what was going to happen next. She had no idea of what she'd be forced to go through within the next seconds, minutes, hours, days. She was surrounded by other black featureless figures, crammed against them like a tiny puzzle piece, she could hear voices. She was surrounded, yet she was totally alone. She could not think of one person who knew where she was at that moment. So she just continued singing those lyrics to herself, trying to draw strength - trying to just FIND strength. She had idea where this moving cage was taking her, she only knew it was taking her far, far away from everyone and everything she loved. But this was her journey to take. No one could take it for her.
Later. as all around her people lay motionless, sleeping, she sits and stares into the night. Where was she again? How did she arrive here again? When did that first domino fall over? Who was she now? Watching a small blur scurrying around in the dark she realizes it's a mouse. Looking away, looking down at where she was sitting she saw hundreds of tiny ants. The larger crawling shapes she realizes, in horror, are roaches. How can you look up and see a moon and stars and a black velvety sky when you can then look down and see rodents, insects, sleeping strangers? She could not figure out a way to reconcile who she was now with who she used to be. No match. Too many puzzle pieces missing to form an actual, whole story.
How did she ever wander so far off the path? How did she become who she is now? What one final decision was made that incinerated her entire world? How is she finding herself surrounded by the dark, by hardness, by screaming demons, by cages? How is it possible, when before this she'd been surrounded by love and laughter and home and normalcy? She just sits, motionless, wondering if God actually saw her, actually knew where she was, wondering where mercy is.
Where is mercy? Where is it? The questions that have no answers. The sound of isolation, the sound of strangeness, the sound of hopelessness.
She begins to again sing the lyrics to herself:
Listen to the sound of hope that's rising
Over your own horizon
Listen to the sound...listen to the sound
Listen to the sound of a new beginning
This is where the old is ending
Listen to the sound...listen to the sound...
Wherever you are.
Over your own horizon
Listen to the sound...listen to the sound
Listen to the sound of a new beginning
This is where the old is ending
Listen to the sound...listen to the sound...
Wherever you are.