Living under a new identity

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jordache
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jordache

Guest
I grew up labeled the seductress by my parents actions towards me and words. In some says, I lived it out though in a fairly minimal way. Thank God that He protected me. All I wanted was to be pure, yet I felt so marred by the world that the only thing I knew to do was either not relate at all to people, or become enmeshed with them.
I feel like in crawling my way out of a muddy well. I've come a long way by Gods grace, and though I can see the light I still haven't reached the top. I feel like I'm always being inappropriately pursued.... By older men, married men, men looking for a rebound. I'm growing more and more careful with my boundaries so I don't believe this is really the root. I do understand that I will be pursued, but when men do not respect my boundaries I tend to second guess myself. My greatest fear is that somehow I'm causing the attention. I've always been open with my pastor, and while I've made my mistakes, the current and recent attention I've been getting isn't something I'm stirring.
Yesterday I had a meeting with my pastor regarding a certain person with whom I've set very clear ad strong boundaries who continues to pursue me and is now taking every back door he can to get to me. He's sitting behind me, making friends only with my friends in a church of 600, hunting my friends down to talk about how to get to me, and being otherwise strange. We had a good laugh and he (the pastor) just said "looks like someone has the hots for you." He did offer to talk to this particular guy though.
After processing through our conversation yesterday I realized the reason this bugs me so much is I still feel like that little girl who is doomed to be the seductress just because she exists. Yes, shame is the root... And it's a deep one that I'm struggling to rid myself of. I've had such a long history of women who are convinced I'm stealing their husbands away. This is not because of something I'm doing. The first time it happened I was only 9 and I got two months of vocal lessons from a man who's wife became jealous of me for the following 12 years. The second time it happened I was a very confused young adult struggling to try and figure out boundaries. When the man deemed me the woman he should have married. Mind you I was 19 and he was 54. Then a pastor and mentor did the same thing though thankfully to a lesser degree. He began falling in love with me... And told me! Everything is good (well, processing) now, but I've had nightmares of his wife chasing with butcher knives.
Please don't think I intentionally went after these men and others. I do believe its a spiritual stronghold in my life because of the abuse I received as a young child. But due to shame, I have a hard time placing blame where it belongs and something inside me always wonders if I will continue to be the seductress.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I know it's not of God. But only He can heal
this.
 
When others label you, and blame you , particularly people you love and respect, it can be very hard to lift up your head and say to yourself, "No that's not true", but this is precisely what you must do. Only God has the right to identify you and he says your are precious and of great worth. To seduce would be something sinful, and you are a new creation, created in Christ Jesus so how can you be the other as well? Someone is a liar, and it's not God. Keep the word of God in front of your eyes!
 
Your story sounds a bit like mine. I grew up with a lot of shame. I share my intimate struggles with my wife. I'm constantly fighting my flesh. I feel so unworthy. It has driven me close to God because I'm scared of myself. I told my wife about the torment I went through all the years she travelled with her work. Here I am again 900miles away with my autistic son, trying to help him with his life. But God is good. He let's me pour my heart out. Just ask God to surround you with Godly women. The devil does not let go easily when he finds evidents of lust not being dealt with though confession and a desire to repent. I'm learning how to pray all over again. Stay blessed sister. :-)
 
Thank you Jesus you took Jordache's Iniquities taking them away from her, thank you for this gift that you have done for my sister, Lord thank you for touching her and revealing to her what you are doing and what she need to do to allow you to take and carry away this weakness from her and replace it with your powerful strength thank you for carring away this from her. Matthew 8:16-17.
God bless you through the omnipotentAgape of Jesus our Lord
 
You know sweetie, I know the shoes you walk in. Its just not fare, at all. And if you are nice like truly nice on top of it some women just hate you worse. I just look at it as a cross to bear for being pretty. Often I ponder my life and others reaction and I pretty much stopped caring about what others thought because God made us. In his eyes we are perfect. When others lack something that they want especially if they do not know the Lord they turn mean and petty and jealous which are all very ugly emotions. You just have to pray for them and every situation you find yourself in asking the Lord to smooth the way and to lead unwanted suitors away and I believe that he truly will. Good luck sista :D
 
Some afflictions will follow us our whole lives. Our cross to bear as it were. But, if I may borrow a phrase from photography, remember that this life is but the 'negative' to the future's 'positive' (that which is wrong will be right, etc.), and that whatever traits you have that may have lent you to victimizing in this life will make you a hero in the next. You obviously have a loving personality that makes people in this world abuse you, in the next world that same trait will surround you all the more with people full of love and support.

I've always believed that you can tell how high one will rise in God's kingdom by how hard hell works to hold them under in this one.
 
Maybe you are "to blame". Maybe you are just too sweet of a woman that men would just like to be with. But that's not something to be ashamed of, as long as you know how to conduct yourself. Also, being too nice and open with men, without any sinful intention, can lead to this type of situations, because men need affection too and they tend to get attached to the person who offers it, especially if she's good looking. So I'd just try to be a bit more restrained in my communication with men just for fear they may misinterpret things.
 
Jordache, praying for you in Jesus's name for all protection from those who would seek you out.
Praying also that God Our Father will cover you with His shield of Fatherly protectiveness. :)

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back