Hello out there. I've read a lot of the scriptures on how wives are to treat their husbands, but after 47 years of marriage to a very controlling, dismissive, hurtful, and downright mean husband (emotionally, not physically), I am at a loss. I just made major breakthrough no. 50 in my role in our marriage meaning "God has spoken to me, I followed his Word, and God is doing miracles now, in my marriage," as I brush myself off and get up again. I still always end up back at square 1 - we love each other but it's a very toxic relationship. Not too long ago I tried to end it as things never changed; they never let up. I've recently tried one more tactic, I've pretty much stopped asking my Husband to help me with important issues that need his attention around our house because it finally seems easier that way. So, I pick up the slack and do everything I can do without "bothering" my Husband much and then things do go much better for both of us, except for the fact that I am literally wearing myself out. I'm almost 70 and he's 73. We both are still capable of taking care of things....wait. I'm going to stop explaining as I'm also physically sick of doing that. I feel a great depression falling upon me. God has spoken to me that He determines when it's time for me to leave this earth. I heard that and thought to myself, "Yes Sir. I hear You. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." But I also just told God that this has literally been 47 years of HELL. Oh, I know enough about hell, and the scriptures on hell, to know this life on earth does not even come one smidgen close to how awful and unending hell really is, but that doesn't lift my spirit to know what I already know. I know there will be some concerned Christians out there who will throw tons of scriptures at me, but without many compassionate words to go with all those scriptures, you just come off as COLD HEARTED. I can affirm one thing from God's Word - DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED. NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO JUST BECAME A CHRISTIAN SO THEY CAN MARRY YOU. NEVER BELIEVE THAT LIE AND HEAD TOWARDS THE MARRIAGE ALTER! Anyway, I look forward to when I'm set free from this earth, from this very difficult life. I've told God so. That I'm fine with going Home sooner rather than later and I meant it. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'm sure tomorrow I will have my head up, with a smile on my face, a prayer in my heart, ready to face another day with my Husband on this earth once again.
Long, difficult marriage with controlling Husband
- Thread starter Magpie
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a couple of hundred ideas, lessons, changes & new ways could be rendered by millions of people. the 1st thought i have is the one that's being hurt in a relationship MUST realize everything that he or she is guilty of to fully understand all answers. admit everything. & i'm not talking about you or your relationship; it is a relationship you reminded me of that i know of. here it is; a guy & girl got married, she already was given a house, yes, for free & she never signed him to the house nor did she sign him to any inheritances. as soon as he found out the marriage went sour, & i mean quite sour. & that was really on in the marriage. i know another similar marriage of that sort & when the guy found out he wasn't signed to anything either, he told her he was leaving. she immediately changed her ways & started cheating him much better.
Thank you for sharing.
Since you have been married so long, I would say just continue with it, as long as it does not break God's rule.
Focus on God and yourself, find happiness in God, hobbies, friends. Find out what gives you happiness everyday and just do that more.
Hug, hug.
I can relate to what you write. I was married to a very controlling and physically abusive woman (yes, she was), so I have empathy with you. She was a professing Christian but that did not make any difference. She eventually divorced me and I happily married again.
Dear Sister,
Once the children are raised, it is often time to divorce. The main thing is the children. But you do not have children in your home. Then find an amicable divorce. Perhaps a separation.
I am divorced in a way. Back when the children were young, it was necessary. But now my spouse is back in the home. We sleep in separate rooms. And we get along much better than before.
So do not punish yourself too much about this. Find a peaceful solution. Sepirate bedrooms, sepirate homes, whatever. But find a peaceful solution. But remember, there are two sides to the coin. So he may have some problems with you, like you have with him.
No one is at fault. Just forgive one another and find a solution. It is okay to take a break from one another. And sometimes that break lasts for years. But you can still be friends. Don't fight. Just find a solution.
The other option is to ride it out for the long haul. And that is okay as well if that is what you want. Remain forgiving and understanding. But you decide how you want to live your life. And live it in peace and follow Jesus Christ. Do not go to anger and Lucifer. Just loving peace. If you need help, contact a local Pastor in your area. They are there to serve the Saints of God, of whom you are one. Reach out for help from these loving friends. Have them take you to church and fellowship. Be at peace.
Show this post to your husband. Get him on this thread. THEN, we can talk.
Otherwise? I think you should delete this thread. And no one should respond until this happens.
You know what, Kroogz, you have no idea what has been happening to me for the last 47 years. I didn't go into detail, so you were spared that. Your answer is very blunt and angry. Possibly, you have no empathy towards me? Your veiled accusatory tone is very offensive. I got a much better response from a Christian man who said he was with his abusive wife for many years, that she claimed to be a Christian, but she was physically and emotionally abusive to him. He said he finally left her and remarried and has been happy since. He started off by saying he understood my situation. Funny how he understood where I was coming from, but you didn't even try. I don't know, maybe this website isn't for me after all. However, to those who might have cared about my situation, I am doing better now. God brought to my mind, "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." God knew this scripture would help me to once again understand why this keeps happening in my marriage. If anyone prayed for me, thank you so much.
I'm the last one that should be giving marriage advice here. I can say I know much about what you've been going through. It's an awful place to be.
Thank you for the warning. Way too many believers fall for the trap. We ignore His word at our peril.
Philippians 4:6-7
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
NT,
How you been. Come on over to my thread so we can discuss the Davidic King John. I will be nice.
Your reply was calloused and lacked any compassion. We are called to love one another, to will the highest good. You failed to do that.
Point well taken.
K's response was not that bad. In all fairness, the matter should be in the open. But not to this site. To a Pastor or someone who can help them.
