looking for some advice.......

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chemgirl

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A couple years ago I took a job 2 hours away from where I had been living with my parents and sisters. I am very close to my family, and I come back home on the weekends, and live in an apartment during the work week. This hasn't been too bad of an arrangement since its only a two hour drive away. I really like the church i go to but because i live somewhere else during the week, i cant really get involved in any small groups or anything(my church is a really large one where small groups is really the only way to get friends). So my problem is I don't really have alot of christian friends, and i have no idea how to go about finding a boyfriend. I am getting very tired of being single, and I am trying to wait on God to bring someone around, but its feeling like mission impossible :'(

I am sorry for my rant, if anyone has any suggestions, I am more then happy to hear them
 
My suggestion is, if anyone comes in your thread and tries to shame you for having normal feelings, ignore them. Having said that, I would pray about it. Maybe God would have you join E-harmony, for example. Or He might lead to you just chill for a while. Any way you slice it, you want to be in His will.
 
Mission impossible :'( I like that! lol

an idea. why not put something like your post here, on a board in your church forum, with email or phone #, and let them know your problem; that you want to make christian contacts, friends, etc......but your living arrangements are getting in the way. You know or something like that!
 
I'm with you on the finding a boyfriend problem. I've been single again for over 4 years now. I belong to a large church and have volunteered for almost every co-ed activity. Unfortunately, I did not encounter a lot of naked ring-fingers. I tried online dating with a few different sites last year: while I met a few nice guys, I don't recommend it. The majority that I met talk about how much they love God on their profile but act surprised when I was planning to sleep alone at my own house on the first date.

In the church in general, I have observed a serious disconnect in what the single women and men expect. Single women outnumber our counterparts 2:1 in the average church. We are told to trust God and pray that he will send the right one; just join a great church to meet Christian guys. But I know dozens of amazing single women who have followed that advice with no success (admittedly, there are a few exceptions). And the newly married men almost exclusively found their brides outside of their church. It seems the two genders are getting different information which has kind of screwed over the women. We are also taught as teens that if we are good little virgins, that our Prince Charming will eventually ride up on his white horse to take us to live happily blessed lives as a reward (don't hold your breath).

I started reading blogs and other dating advice directed at Christian men, and what I read made me almost physically ill. I saw several articles dedicated to why single moms (like me!) are out to destroy your lives and finances (I never realized I had such a capacity for evil). Then there were the rants about feminists emasculating all men and that women should "know their place" (that one scares me because it lets abusers feel justified). And of course, there were articles titled "Why I Don't Date Women from My Church." I found few exceptions. Also, men seem to have the fairytale promise of be a good Christian guy, and God will reward your very own submissive supermodel (even if you have part-time employment and potbelly).

What has finally brought me peace is to not actively focus on the boyfriend issue at all. I am passionately pursuing God and parenting my son. I am in the choir, in a great lifegroup, on the hospitality team, and on the editorial staff of our church's magazine. I go on mission trips and vacations with my son every year. God has shown me that my life can happy and meaningful regardless of my marital status. I still meet people and occasionally go on dates. The Christian singles events are probably the easiest ways to meet a variety of different people who might have similar interests.
 
Funny the jokes cracked about your situation, but some of them do have a point. :-) A perfect man is just a fairytale. A godly man, however, will be placed before you in God's time. Given the fact that you must travel so far and are not getting the fellowship that a believer should be getting, why not pray about a church relocation? It will mean your stepping out in faith, but when was that a bad thing? Pray without ceasing, read the Word, and the Lord will give you discretion and the desires of the pure heart He will create/has created in you.
 
"whats with all this bf/gf stuff anyway"

I was just using her words in my reply. As a 32 year-old, I use different terminology for my relationships.
 
chemgirl said:
A couple years ago I took a job 2 hours away from where I had been living with my parents and sisters. I am very close to my family, and I come back home on the weekends, and live in an apartment during the work week. This hasn't been too bad of an arrangement since its only a two hour drive away. I really like the church i go to but because i live somewhere else during the week, i cant really get involved in any small groups or anything(my church is a really large one where small groups is really the only way to get friends). So my problem is I don't really have alot of christian friends, and i have no idea how to go about finding a boyfriend. I am getting very tired of being single, and I am trying to wait on God to bring someone around, but its feeling like mission impossible :'(

I am sorry for my rant, if anyone has any suggestions, I am more then happy to hear them
Click to expand...

You might need to find a job in the city where your family is, or start going to church in the city where you are working.
 
Hmmmm, I'm not sure about the bf/gf situation - but I do know that living somewhere through the week and then at home on the weekend makes it hard to join in on things fully, I guess you would already be feeling that tension.

I'd consider staying around for a few more weekend.
 
chemgirl said:
A couple years ago I took a job 2 hours away from where I had been living with my parents and sisters. I am very close to my family, and I come back home on the weekends, and live in an apartment during the work week. This hasn't been too bad of an arrangement since its only a two hour drive away. I really like the church i go to but because i live somewhere else during the week, i cant really get involved in any small groups or anything(my church is a really large one where small groups is really the only way to get friends). So my problem is I don't really have alot of christian friends, and i have no idea how to go about finding a boyfriend. I am getting very tired of being single, and I am trying to wait on God to bring someone around, but its feeling like mission impossible :'(

I am sorry for my rant, if anyone has any suggestions, I am more then happy to hear them
Click to expand...

Go through the countless other posts by people in their early 20s complaining about never being able to find someone.
 
Ya, Im beginning to think I need to just start staying where I work some weekends and find a church there, its just kinda hard cause my mom doesn't really have many friends so she gets lonely and my dad kinda has issues so hes not the best companion alot of times, so ya i kinda feel bad not being around my mom(not like i spend every minute of the weekend with her, but just being in the same area and stuff).
 
Well, Chem, I'd say you should get involved in some things.

In general, I sometimes meet people randomly, but usually it's due to similar interests or activities. Whether it's work, church, a hobby, a side "career", or something recreational, just get 'plugged-in' and involved somewhere(s).

Generally, you'll meet people there, and can make some friends. From there, just continue to pray and seek God about the romantic relationship thing. I will say, however, we often confuse our voices for God's voice. He's not some dictator dishing down orders for every minute detail. Sometimes there will be people in your life, and God's answer might be...'You decide.'
 
Hey. I really liked the post that talked about the "fairy tale promise" of the good girl getting prince charming and the good boy getting the sex-crazed supermodel. That is so true. Maybe someday someone will start an effort to speak the truth on that one. I can't even imagine the number of young men and women so disillusioned with these completely screwed up and unbiblical philosophies that they just walked away from their faith altogether. I definitely fell into the category of being the "good girl" waiting for her prince charming. Unfortunately my prince charming was a beloved preacher and man of the community but a monster in my home. Lived with that for 20 years before I finally find the support to get out. I rant on all this to say first an foremost, it is better to be alone then settle for something that doesn't feel right. Chances are its probably really really wrong. Now for some practical observations I've made in my life. Don't look for a boyfriend. Look for a boy to be your friend. And to do that I would suggest getting connected with a church in the location where you work. Churches of any significance size will offer bible studies and singles events all throughout the week. You can still spend weekends with your family and be back home to go to your other church Sunday evening. You need this support and the only way to get it is to invest in it. Being friends allow you to spend time together with the attitude of "lets see where this goes". And sometimes a very cool thing happens when you go this route. A guy that you become friends with may be someone you would never consider dating on "first look" may be the one you fall in love with. That is the most fun way to fall in love. Trust me. Statistically it is also the kind of relationships that start out as friends that tend to last. More than anything ask God to give you the faith to believe how much he loves you so that you will (if you have to) still be content without a significant other. Good luck and let us know what happens!
 
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