L
Live4Yeshua
Guest
Lost.
I've been saved for almost 4 yrs now. I was saved a day I opened my bible. I had been fasting, crying, praying, reading bible for 2 months for a miracle then one day I opened my bible and it said “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34 . From then I knew those words were specifically directed towards me and something inside me changed forever.
Since then alot has happened alot of up and downs. I have had supernatural encounters with Jesus and he has spoken to me in ways that convict me to make scary decisions but in the end turn out for my better. There are times that even when I'm not right with Him He will speak so loud and clearly. But the times where he's silent is where I get very angry at God. This is one of those moments. God asked me to quit my job and I understand it must've been because pride in my "own achievement" was getting the best of me. He's asked me to move towns. Now we live in another city. My husband, my children, and myself. We live with our inlaws who are co-Pastors of a church ; my father in law has a gift of prophecy. We can't go into their church because my husband left me for the Pastors daughter before we were married and when we tried visiting the pastor and her daughter threw me out of their church and said we should never return. I'm in constant pain. For many yrs I never faced it all and now Gods forcing me to confront my fears, my anger , my sorrow. Now it's here and even though in know its a huge test I feel I'm failing miserably. I don't have family, friends nor a church here. I feel so alone and I feel God doesn't love me. I feel my father in law knows what's wrong with me but I put this huge wall because I'm so hurt he continues to be in a church where they've cause me so much pain.... Many times I'm comparing myself to that girl. She's so beautiful and talented and unfortunately for me she knows my inlaws alot more than I do. I feel left out and unloved. I have a huge sense of not belonging and I can't see my purpose here. Ever since we got here my husband and I fight and I've thought of divorce many times cause I can't take the pain. I've tried letting it go, forgiving but it's been one of the hardest things for me to do putting me up against such blessed people and making me so little....I'm lost.
I've been saved for almost 4 yrs now. I was saved a day I opened my bible. I had been fasting, crying, praying, reading bible for 2 months for a miracle then one day I opened my bible and it said “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34 . From then I knew those words were specifically directed towards me and something inside me changed forever.
Since then alot has happened alot of up and downs. I have had supernatural encounters with Jesus and he has spoken to me in ways that convict me to make scary decisions but in the end turn out for my better. There are times that even when I'm not right with Him He will speak so loud and clearly. But the times where he's silent is where I get very angry at God. This is one of those moments. God asked me to quit my job and I understand it must've been because pride in my "own achievement" was getting the best of me. He's asked me to move towns. Now we live in another city. My husband, my children, and myself. We live with our inlaws who are co-Pastors of a church ; my father in law has a gift of prophecy. We can't go into their church because my husband left me for the Pastors daughter before we were married and when we tried visiting the pastor and her daughter threw me out of their church and said we should never return. I'm in constant pain. For many yrs I never faced it all and now Gods forcing me to confront my fears, my anger , my sorrow. Now it's here and even though in know its a huge test I feel I'm failing miserably. I don't have family, friends nor a church here. I feel so alone and I feel God doesn't love me. I feel my father in law knows what's wrong with me but I put this huge wall because I'm so hurt he continues to be in a church where they've cause me so much pain.... Many times I'm comparing myself to that girl. She's so beautiful and talented and unfortunately for me she knows my inlaws alot more than I do. I feel left out and unloved. I have a huge sense of not belonging and I can't see my purpose here. Ever since we got here my husband and I fight and I've thought of divorce many times cause I can't take the pain. I've tried letting it go, forgiving but it's been one of the hardest things for me to do putting me up against such blessed people and making me so little....I'm lost.
