Loving Commitment vs. Biblical Law: Questioning the Premarital Sex Rule

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Fox

New member
Sep 29, 2026
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Hi, I’ve got a question. I guess what brings me here is that I have some questions—some pretty difficult ones, at least for me—and I’m looking for some guidance and different perspectives. And yes, I do believe in the Lord.


I’m sorry if I sound frustrated or harsh, but I’m honestly tired of hearing people simply tell me that everything is wrong without really explaining why.


My question is this: I don’t personally understand why having a sexual relationship with someone you genuinely love and are committed to would automatically be considered immoral or bad. I would actually argue that, in the right circumstances, it can be quite the opposite.


I understand that being controlled by lust is wrong, and I agree with that. But I struggle with the idea that genuinely desiring your partner, loving them, and wanting that kind of intimacy with them is something you’re supposed to suppress simply because of a rule or interpretation that comes from almost 2,000 years ago. Especially when there are questions about historical context, translation, and how certain passages should actually be understood today.


Another thing I struggle with is that the only one who could give us an absolutely certain answer is God Himself, and we don’t get to simply sit down and ask Him directly what He meant.


And if premarital sex really is that serious of a sin, what does that mean for Christians who genuinely believe in God, try to follow Him, love their partners, but still have sex before marriage? Are they condemned because of that? Does having sex before marriage somehow outweigh everything else about their faith and relationship with God?


I’m sorry if any of this sounds stupid, disrespectful, or harsh. I’m not trying to attack Christianity or God. I genuinely believe in the Lord. I’ve just been dealing with a lot of questions and stress about this lately, and I want to actually understand rather than simply being told, “It’s wrong because it’s wrong.”