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No one is perfect and the Devil is the one who creates dissensions and wants to ruin our lives and relationships. Try and remember why you liked and loved him in the first place. Is he not that person anymore? If not, what caused this? Pray about it and dwell on analysing things and how they could change, rather than on the disappointment in your heart. May God help you both!
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dmdave17
Guest
Dear notmyself,
Your statement is a little abrupt and doesn't really give any indication of why you are feeling the way you are. Has your husband done something to change your perspective? Has something happened in your own life to cause you to have second thoughts? Or is it, as you say in the name you chose, that you are just "not yourself".
Almost everyone experiences these kind of thoughts periodically in marriage. And as God_Is_Love points out, the enemy is quick to jump on them to use them to his advantage. His objective is to drive a wedge between you and your husband so that you ultimately become another "statistic"; another failed marriage that dishonors God and turns you (and your husband) away from Him.
Once you realize the feelings are there, I believe that the important thing is to try and determine their root cause. That is what really needs to be addressed; not just the feelings themselves. Then you need to do whatever you can to eliminate or change the situation(s) that are causing the feelings.
I can tell you with confidence that I believe that God wants your marriage to succeed. He wants you and your husband to be happy together, with each other, and He wants to richly bless your union. In His view, whatever you are going through right now is just a minor bump in the road. He has handled worse, and He is ready to help you handle your problem now. Ask for His help and He will surely answer.
God be with you in your search.
Your statement is a little abrupt and doesn't really give any indication of why you are feeling the way you are. Has your husband done something to change your perspective? Has something happened in your own life to cause you to have second thoughts? Or is it, as you say in the name you chose, that you are just "not yourself".
Almost everyone experiences these kind of thoughts periodically in marriage. And as God_Is_Love points out, the enemy is quick to jump on them to use them to his advantage. His objective is to drive a wedge between you and your husband so that you ultimately become another "statistic"; another failed marriage that dishonors God and turns you (and your husband) away from Him.
Once you realize the feelings are there, I believe that the important thing is to try and determine their root cause. That is what really needs to be addressed; not just the feelings themselves. Then you need to do whatever you can to eliminate or change the situation(s) that are causing the feelings.
I can tell you with confidence that I believe that God wants your marriage to succeed. He wants you and your husband to be happy together, with each other, and He wants to richly bless your union. In His view, whatever you are going through right now is just a minor bump in the road. He has handled worse, and He is ready to help you handle your problem now. Ask for His help and He will surely answer.
God be with you in your search.
N
notmyself
Guest
Hy husband has ADHD. I didn't know this until about two year ago, and we have been married for almost ten years. He is so egocentric sometimes that life can be very hard. He is refusing to take meds anymore because studies have show they do long term damage in the brains of lab rats. I agree that I don't want his brain damaged, but the ADHD effects every parts of our life together. Primarily his views on extended family. He is very paranoid and thinks my parents don't love him, so he won't come with me and the kids to visit them. They have shown him nothing but love and tremendous generosity. Then he gets mad at me for defending them, saying I should be defending him. But no one is attacking him. It's heartbreaking. I love him so much and it's so hard to know he feels the way he does about my family. I feel like I chose the wrong husband. I know he is the right one for me because I'm married to him, but sometimes I think of how peaceful my life would be if I just walked away. Then I hate myself for thinking that. I feel like I'm in a prison and there's no way out. Then he gets mad at me for being negative. I used to be such a positive person, and now I feel like I need to be emotionally detached so I don't get as hurt when things go wrong. He treats me so well sometimes, but then will turn around and be absolutely horrible to me. So I steel my emotions to protect myself, and he gets upset that I am not as responsive to him as he feels I should be.
I know I can't walk away. He gets so impatient with the kids, that I know I can't leave them with him. And I know it would destroy him if I did leave. I deeply love him and don't want to hurt him. But I'm living in so much emotional pain. There's no way out.
I know I can't walk away. He gets so impatient with the kids, that I know I can't leave them with him. And I know it would destroy him if I did leave. I deeply love him and don't want to hurt him. But I'm living in so much emotional pain. There's no way out.
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MissCris
Guest
I was wondering, are there any other options, besides medication, that could help him? I don't know anything about ADHD so I can't suggest anything beyond prayer, but I just wondered if you had maybe looked into any alternatives (if there are any)?
L
LynnJ
Guest
Have you tried seeking counseling as a couple? Not just with any marriage counselor, but one who is a Christian and one who knows about ADHD? He or she might have some excellent insights for you and your husband.
Praying for you both......
~Lynn
Praying for you both......
~Lynn
I agree with LynnJ. As a counselor I see so many areas that could be explored in just your brief summary--things may seem hopeless right now, but they really are not! Even if your husband won't go, there are a lot of things you can do to change the dynamic of your relationship. I know it sucks that he's making life really difficult and YOU have to be the bigger person and do the work of changing it, but if you do and it succeeds there is no greater reward than that "happily ever after" and the life experience that you overcame. "Long suffering" is a fruit of the spirit you know!
There are so many things I want to say, but I will suggest only this: have you tried just accepting that he doesn't want to go to your family holidays and allow him that freedom? That was a battle I fought with my husband for years, but I realized that he is miserable at my family functions which makes me miserable and both of us have a much better time if I back off and don't take it personally that he doesn't come. And if he says things that you don't agree with, you can still validate his feelings with a statement like, "Oh honey. I know it really bothers you when it feels like my family is against you." You don't have to agree with him, but at least show him that you understand how he feels. A little compassion goes a long way.
Ok, enough from me! Best wishes to you. I truly hope you find peace in your marriage!
There are so many things I want to say, but I will suggest only this: have you tried just accepting that he doesn't want to go to your family holidays and allow him that freedom? That was a battle I fought with my husband for years, but I realized that he is miserable at my family functions which makes me miserable and both of us have a much better time if I back off and don't take it personally that he doesn't come. And if he says things that you don't agree with, you can still validate his feelings with a statement like, "Oh honey. I know it really bothers you when it feels like my family is against you." You don't have to agree with him, but at least show him that you understand how he feels. A little compassion goes a long way.
Ok, enough from me! Best wishes to you. I truly hope you find peace in your marriage!
N
notmyself
Guest
Thanks guys, for your replies, but especially your prayers.
Wonderland, I have told him that he doesn't have to come with me to see my parents. But then when my parents never see him, they ask about him. He usually thinks up some other "obligation" so he can feel better about not going. So, I don't have to lie to my parents. But I feels like clearing the air and saying to my parents, "He doesn't come because he doesn't think you love him and that he's under a microscope here and he isn't willing to put up with the discomfort of being in your presence because all he thinks about is himself." I feel like I'm always having to defend his actions to others, because he comes off selfish and uncaring. And I never know when he is being ADHD, or just plain selfish.
Our pastor has counseled us a few times, but he knows nothing about ADHD. And for some reason the times he's scheduled to meet with us, things have been gong well in our marriage, so I feel bad about bringing things up that he's doing well on. Because then he feels like I'm impossible to please. For good reason, I suppose. I'm just so tired of all the up and down. He's rarely home because he commutes to work and tends to avoid being home. He says he's not avoiding home, but he always wants to take "me time" 4-5 times per week to unwind and do things he enjoys. Which I understand, because I would give my right arm for "me time". He always says he wants me to take time to myself also, but he's never home, so how can I?
Sorry for going on and on. I literally have no one I can talk to about all this. I've held it in for so long.
Wonderland, I have told him that he doesn't have to come with me to see my parents. But then when my parents never see him, they ask about him. He usually thinks up some other "obligation" so he can feel better about not going. So, I don't have to lie to my parents. But I feels like clearing the air and saying to my parents, "He doesn't come because he doesn't think you love him and that he's under a microscope here and he isn't willing to put up with the discomfort of being in your presence because all he thinks about is himself." I feel like I'm always having to defend his actions to others, because he comes off selfish and uncaring. And I never know when he is being ADHD, or just plain selfish.
Our pastor has counseled us a few times, but he knows nothing about ADHD. And for some reason the times he's scheduled to meet with us, things have been gong well in our marriage, so I feel bad about bringing things up that he's doing well on. Because then he feels like I'm impossible to please. For good reason, I suppose. I'm just so tired of all the up and down. He's rarely home because he commutes to work and tends to avoid being home. He says he's not avoiding home, but he always wants to take "me time" 4-5 times per week to unwind and do things he enjoys. Which I understand, because I would give my right arm for "me time". He always says he wants me to take time to myself also, but he's never home, so how can I?
Sorry for going on and on. I literally have no one I can talk to about all this. I've held it in for so long.
J
jimsun
Guest
Hi notmyself. Hope this finds in a good humour.
I feel that if I were in your shoes I'd chip away at your troubles bit by bit, piece by piece. Eventually you'll find a single - & hopefully simple- cause of where you are at the moment.
It's on this that you need to concentrate, building things up again bit by bit, piece by piece.
I feel that if I were in your shoes I'd chip away at your troubles bit by bit, piece by piece. Eventually you'll find a single - & hopefully simple- cause of where you are at the moment.
It's on this that you need to concentrate, building things up again bit by bit, piece by piece.
S