M
mrs99
Guest
Hello everyone. Im new here at cc. Still learning the ropes. I am in need of prayer. And any scripture suggestion, encouragement and advice would be appreciated. I want to share whats been going on. I apologize for the length.
I figured out on my own about 6 months ago that my husband has Ptsd. He was in the Army and served in the first gulf war, what is called dessert storm. When I told him I figured out he has Ptsd, he made it sound like its no big deal and he can control it. He has been more stressed and angrier and more withdrawn since right before our son left for the army in January. And it just kept getting worse as the months went on. He was spending more time on his phone than with me and our other 2 kids. I kept trying to talk to him and find out what was wrong. I told him I was concerned about us and our family. He kept saying everything is fine and just stressed from work. And dont worry baby, we will get through it. I still wasnt smart enough to see it was Ptsd.
We have had some trust issues in the past because of deciet on his part and over him viewing porn. So of course as he has been on his phone more, the wheels in my head are turning thinking he is up to his old ways again or worse. So on Oct 14, I decided to talk to him. I told him I was concerned that he is spending more time on his phone than with me and our other 2 kids. I asked him if he was looking at porn again or worse, connecting with someone else. That made him angry. He said he has been staying away from that road. I told him I was afraid if we didnt work on connecting and work on our marriage more that we will be like 2 ships passing in the night or like roomates. That made him angrier and he said maybe he didnt want to. He told me Im a burden ( I have 3 herniated discs and some other back issues and cannot work and cannot do things as often as I used to) and he said that because I cant give him sex when he wants that he isnt sure he can connect with me or if he wants to stay married.
It felt like a punch in the gut. I was thinking who is this man because this is not my husband. After going around with him about when did he start feeling this way and asking him since when is marriage about sex only, it hit me like a smack in the face. I said to him, this isnt about our marriage or family, this is the Ptsd. When I said that he blew up. I have never seen him so mad. He told me that I need to trust him that we are better off without him. I told him we can get through this and he can get help, we can get help. He said no because they will take his guns away. I said your guns are more important than your family? About a week after that I convinced him to go to therapy. But what concerned me is when I asked him to go for himself and for our family he said no. But when I told him if he dont get help, it will effect every part of his life and every relationship he has, the agreed to go. Am I just reading into it?
Since all this went down, there have been more trust issues because of him being strange and secretive about his phone. He refuses marriage therapy and family therapy.He wont even let me meet his therapist. I have researched so much on Ptsd, I feel like I could teach a class on it.He wont try to work on our relationship/ marriage. He says he needs to "figure things out". He wont beileve what I tell him about what I have learned about Ptsd and how Ptsd effects him. And from what I have read, some of this is normal behavior for someone with Ptsd. But most people want to heal to be a dad/husband. He wont let me help him. This has effected our youngest to the point that she has been suicidal and cutting herself. She has to see a therapist now.
He expects us to just wait around while he decides our familys future on his own. And he treats me like a door mat. I forgive him and I love him but I dont think God wants our husbands to treat us like door mats. And I dont beileve in divorce and I thought he didnt this time either. I know the kind of wife god expects me to be but how do you be a wife to someone who has shut you out and acts like he dont want you to be his wife? Am I being selfish because thats the last thing I want to be. I feel like Im going crazy. Sorry such a long post. Any encouragement, prayers, scripture suggestuons, advice would be appreciated. God bless!
I figured out on my own about 6 months ago that my husband has Ptsd. He was in the Army and served in the first gulf war, what is called dessert storm. When I told him I figured out he has Ptsd, he made it sound like its no big deal and he can control it. He has been more stressed and angrier and more withdrawn since right before our son left for the army in January. And it just kept getting worse as the months went on. He was spending more time on his phone than with me and our other 2 kids. I kept trying to talk to him and find out what was wrong. I told him I was concerned about us and our family. He kept saying everything is fine and just stressed from work. And dont worry baby, we will get through it. I still wasnt smart enough to see it was Ptsd.
We have had some trust issues in the past because of deciet on his part and over him viewing porn. So of course as he has been on his phone more, the wheels in my head are turning thinking he is up to his old ways again or worse. So on Oct 14, I decided to talk to him. I told him I was concerned that he is spending more time on his phone than with me and our other 2 kids. I asked him if he was looking at porn again or worse, connecting with someone else. That made him angry. He said he has been staying away from that road. I told him I was afraid if we didnt work on connecting and work on our marriage more that we will be like 2 ships passing in the night or like roomates. That made him angrier and he said maybe he didnt want to. He told me Im a burden ( I have 3 herniated discs and some other back issues and cannot work and cannot do things as often as I used to) and he said that because I cant give him sex when he wants that he isnt sure he can connect with me or if he wants to stay married.
It felt like a punch in the gut. I was thinking who is this man because this is not my husband. After going around with him about when did he start feeling this way and asking him since when is marriage about sex only, it hit me like a smack in the face. I said to him, this isnt about our marriage or family, this is the Ptsd. When I said that he blew up. I have never seen him so mad. He told me that I need to trust him that we are better off without him. I told him we can get through this and he can get help, we can get help. He said no because they will take his guns away. I said your guns are more important than your family? About a week after that I convinced him to go to therapy. But what concerned me is when I asked him to go for himself and for our family he said no. But when I told him if he dont get help, it will effect every part of his life and every relationship he has, the agreed to go. Am I just reading into it?
Since all this went down, there have been more trust issues because of him being strange and secretive about his phone. He refuses marriage therapy and family therapy.He wont even let me meet his therapist. I have researched so much on Ptsd, I feel like I could teach a class on it.He wont try to work on our relationship/ marriage. He says he needs to "figure things out". He wont beileve what I tell him about what I have learned about Ptsd and how Ptsd effects him. And from what I have read, some of this is normal behavior for someone with Ptsd. But most people want to heal to be a dad/husband. He wont let me help him. This has effected our youngest to the point that she has been suicidal and cutting herself. She has to see a therapist now.
He expects us to just wait around while he decides our familys future on his own. And he treats me like a door mat. I forgive him and I love him but I dont think God wants our husbands to treat us like door mats. And I dont beileve in divorce and I thought he didnt this time either. I know the kind of wife god expects me to be but how do you be a wife to someone who has shut you out and acts like he dont want you to be his wife? Am I being selfish because thats the last thing I want to be. I feel like Im going crazy. Sorry such a long post. Any encouragement, prayers, scripture suggestuons, advice would be appreciated. God bless!
