Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

[Lanolin]

The problem with high earning jobs is...you need to work so hard to afford a decent house, you have no time for dating. All your money is put towards paying the mortgage.

 

[Larry73]

I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?

It is most often a matter of priorities. Weddings need NOT be expensive to be wonderful. When one of our sons got married it was in our backyard, under a canopy of stars and grapevines, wedding guests brought lawn chairs, the music came from a disc player, the flowers were assembled by the bride and her bridesmaids, and the wedding dinner was served buffet style and with the help of neighbors was grilled chicken, baked potatoes, grilled vegetable kabobs, six salads, fresh fruit and a wedding cake made by the brides grandmother. The ENTIRE event cost a combined $650 with more than 75 guests attending. It was one of the most beautiful events I can remember, both to the eye and to the spirit, because it involved so many wonderful people doing what families USED to do before weddings became big business spectacles rather than faith filled family gatherings.
Living as a couple is the same thing...choices. A home, rented or purchased, IS affordable IF the priorities are in line with budgets and long term goals. $300 cable tv bills, $800 car payments, travel vacations, frequent shopping trips and charge cards are NOT necessities.... they are choices. Then comes the question of children... they ARE expensive, but those expenses can be managed. Disposable diapers are great... but cloth are washable and reusable and MUCH more affordable. Baby food can be easily made rather than purchased. Childcare is VERY expensive... so why not PLAN ahead so one of the parents can be home raising their own child... a MUCH safer choice by the way,. Parents can work opposing shifts, can job share, can decide one of them will remain home and one will work, or extended family can help with childcare.... it's all a choice.
Today's couples CAN have it all, if they are willing to sacrifice NOW for the good of their marriage, their future family and their faith.

 

[Larry73]

The problem with high earning jobs is...you need to work so hard to afford a decent house, you have no time for dating. All your money is put towards paying the mortgage.

If that's the case, the choice of a home was a poor one.

 

[Lanolin]

If that's the case, the choice of a home was a poor one.

Yea, better to be homeless and living on the street right? Or a tent. Or a leaky home.

 

[Lanolin]

I think people aren't willing now to make sacrifices.

We just all need to get by on what we have, rather than go into debt. Some of us don't have much to begin with.

Taylor Swift is one of the few brides that could ever afford to pay for their own wedding out of their own pocket.

 

[Lanolin]

$750 is still a lot of money (for some people) but anyway.. courthouse marriage is fine...backyard wedding is fine as long as you DO have a backyard, a lot of people don't these days.
Living in the city is expensive, but you might need to be close to work. Unless you just love a 2 hour commute to live somewhere cheaper.

 

[Lanolin]

Just elope, it's easier, then have a party and announce you got married earlier. No fuss, no muss.
If you want to wear white, hire a dress it's only for a day.

 

[Lanolin]

I heard Jewish parents go all out for their child's bar mitzvahs/bat mitzvahs. They literally compete to have the best and most extravagant ones.

 

[Churchgoer]

It is most often a matter of priorities. Weddings need NOT be expensive to be wonderful. When one of our sons got married it was in our backyard, under a canopy of stars and grapevines, wedding guests brought lawn chairs, the music came from a disc player, the flowers were assembled by the bride and her bridesmaids, and the wedding dinner was served buffet style and with the help of neighbors was grilled chicken, baked potatoes, grilled vegetable kabobs, six salads, fresh fruit and a wedding cake made by the brides grandmother. The ENTIRE event cost a combined $650 with more than 75 guests attending. It was one of the most beautiful events I can remember, both to the eye and to the spirit, because it involved so many wonderful people doing what families USED to do before weddings became big business spectacles rather than faith filled family gatherings.
Living as a couple is the same thing...choices. A home, rented or purchased, IS affordable IF the priorities are in line with budgets and long term goals. $300 cable tv bills, $800 car payments, travel vacations, frequent shopping trips and charge cards are NOT necessities.... they are choices. Then comes the question of children... they ARE expensive, but those expenses can be managed. Disposable diapers are great... but cloth are washable and reusable and MUCH more affordable. Baby food can be easily made rather than purchased. Childcare is VERY expensive... so why not PLAN ahead so one of the parents can be home raising their own child... a MUCH safer choice by the way,. Parents can work opposing shifts, can job share, can decide one of them will remain home and one will work, or extended family can help with childcare.... it's all a choice.
Today's couples CAN have it all, if they are willing to sacrifice NOW for the good of their marriage, their future family and their faith.

Very beautifully said.
Even just go out for dinner after official wedding by judge or pastor is fine. Totally freedom on that note.

The important thing is marry in the Lord. All others negotiable.

 

[Lanolin]

It shouldn't be on the couple to organise and pay for their own wedding/marriage ceremony, but some do, because their parents are either too controlling and want everything done their way, or the parents are not there at all.

Remember the huge fuss about the Royal weddings that the UK taxpayers funded. Meghan didn't need to pay a dime. But then royal weddings are in a whole category by themselves. People love the ceremonial aspect of it all, the carriage ride, the 10 foot long train, the kiss on the balcony, the details of the wedding gown, the bridesmaids and flower girls, the opportunity to dress up, and get drunk lol
the photos and it all being filmed to be viewed by as many people as possible. It's a public event, and literally stops traffic.

I think anyone alive in the 80s in an English speaking commonwealth country, saw the wedding of the century of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, and enjoyed the grand spectacle of it all.

Most movie rom coms end in a kiss and hint of wedding bells. All Shakespearean comedies ended in marriage. I think its expected to throw a big bash but yea, it's become so commercialised, just like Christmas. Everyone made a buck off the Royal weddings...especially the tea towel makers lol

People want to believe the fairytale, until it comes crashing down in a divorce.

 

[Larry73]

Yea, better to be homeless and living on the street right? Or a tent. Or a leaky home.

Leaky homes can be fixed. Living on the street is the extreme.... not the commonplace.

 

[Larry73]

It shouldn't be on the couple to organise and pay for their own wedding/marriage ceremony, but some do, because their parents are either too controlling and want everything done their way, or the parents are not there at all.

Remember the huge fuss about the Royal weddings that the UK taxpayers funded. Meghan didn't need to pay a dime. But then royal weddings are in a whole category by themselves. People love the ceremonial aspect of it all, the carriage ride, the 10 foot long train, the kiss on the balcony, the details of the wedding gown, the bridesmaids and flower girls, the opportunity to dress up, and get drunk lol
the photos and it all being filmed to be viewed by as many people as possible. It's a public event, and literally stops traffic.

I think anyone alive in the 80s in an English speaking commonwealth country, saw the wedding of the century of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, and enjoyed the grand spectacle of it all.

Most movie rom coms end in a kiss and hint of wedding bells. All Shakespearean comedies ended in marriage. I think its expected to throw a big bash but yea, it's become so commercialised, just like Christmas. Everyone made a buck off the Royal weddings...especially the tea towel makers lol

People want to believe the fairytale, until it comes crashing down in a divorce.

I disagree Lanolin...it absolutely SHOULD be up to the couple who are getting married to pay, plan and organize their own wedding. Parents, if able, may CHOOSE to help, but the couple-to-be has to be responsible. Frankly, that sets a great precedent to future decisions and helps teach accountability.

 

[Larry73]

I heard Jewish parents go all out for their child's bar mitzvahs/bat mitzvahs. They literally compete to have the best and most extravagant ones.

'I heard".... famous beginnings of much gossip and often overtly racist statements.
Sorry, but while that DOES happen, overspending and trying to 'out-do the Joneses' is hardly limited to one group. There is not one single ethnic/religious/racial group that is not included in such overspending.

 

[Lanolin]

Leaky homes can be fixed. Living on the street is the extreme.... not the commonplace.

Not really when the leak is in the walls, and mould is coming up the floors...those homes need to be demolished.
Unfortunately.

Lots of homeless people now. Never used to be like that, but it's reality.

 

[Lanolin]

'I heard".... famous beginnings of much gossip and often overtly racist statements.
Sorry, but while that DOES happen, overspending and trying to 'out-do the Joneses' is hardly limited to one group. There is not one single ethnic/religious/racial group that is not included in such overspending.

?
It's true- and only Jewish people have bar mitzvahs.

Don't take everything so personally! Jewish communities can be very tight knit. Some are extremely wealthy. And they want the best for their children.

I could have said the same thing about Quinceras or 21sts, but while 21sts are traditionally huge, parents don't actually compete to put those on, and they aren't a religious obligation or observance like bar mitzvahs are.

Just sayin'. A 13 year old kid has live band, torah observance, gifts, theme parties, sit down meal, etc. They are an actual phenomenon and can cost upwards of $5 million.

First Communions aren't really like that are they?

 

[Lanolin]

I disagree Lanolin...it absolutely SHOULD be up to the couple who are getting married to pay, plan and organize their own wedding. Parents, if able, may CHOOSE to help, but the couple-to-be has to be responsible. Frankly, that sets a great precedent to future decisions and helps teach accountability.

Thats not reality though, many traditional cultures, including IN THE BIBLE...its the invitation on the parents part for the wedding of their daughter/son.

Its a joining together of property and fortune of two families.

You may disagree, but what it SHOULD be and what it actually has been and still is, is reality for many people.

 

[Lanolin]

Indian weddings can last for days. One of my Indian friends has already travelled back to India TWICE for her brother's engagement, and then his wedding.
I've been to a few..and they can be lavish! The bride is treated like an absolute princess, with all her attendants, and the parents arrange it all.

The Saris, the henna tattoos, the garlands of flowers, the huge banquet..dancing like they have in Bollywood movies...it's really a privelige to be invited to an Indian wedding and they really know how to party!! They involve everyone and their extended families can be huge.

 

[JesusLives]

Personally I don't think it is any more expensive than being single. Sure you buy more food because of two people, however, you only pay housing for one because you don't pay double rent to house two. You end up with two incomes so more money is coming in and that is assuming both work which in today's world is usually the case.

Weddings can be as cheap or expensive as you want cause you can just go to a justice of the peace and get married no one invited or have a destination wedding which can blow the budget.

 

[Churchgoer]

Personally I don't think it is any more expensive than being single. Sure you buy more food because of two people, however, you only pay housing for one because you don't pay double rent to house two. You end up with two incomes so more money is coming in and that is assuming both work which in today's world is usually the case.

Weddings can be as cheap or expensive as you want cause you can just go to a justice of the peace and get married no one invited or have a destination wedding which can blow the budget.

Good marriage definitely saves money in the long run. Team work. 1 +1 > 2

 

[Lanolin]

Personally I don't think it is any more expensive than being single. Sure you buy more food because of two people, however, you only pay housing for one because you don't pay double rent to house two. You end up with two incomes so more money is coming in and that is assuming both work which in today's world is usually the case.

Weddings can be as cheap or expensive as you want cause you can just go to a justice of the peace and get married no one invited or have a destination wedding which can blow the budget.

True
hmm
But...lots of people just live together and don't get married, or even bother to go to the JP and get the piece of paper signed. I wonder why not.