Marriage help please...

  • Thread starter Thread starter Gettingbetter
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
G

Gettingbetter

Guest
I am trying to decide if I should stay or leave my marriage after my husband's affair. He is remorseful and wants to work it out. I just can't get past a year and a half of betrayal. I pray and cry all day every day. It has been almost 3 months since I found proof and I just don't know what to do. Can anyone offer any advice. How do I listen to God when I am hoping he will say leave?
 
I'm sorry for u and understand since i was divorced. But i wish i could do it over because divorce is horrible. If your husband is sorry and wants to work on the marriage it would be so wonderful to forgive him. Jesus forgave us so much and we must forgive others.

Divorce is such a long running forever event in not only the husband and wife's lives but the kids. I never knew how much my kids would suffer. If counselling is gotten and you and your husband learn to forgive and understand in the Lord it can be a dart in the devil's side that yet another marriage was saved by God's love and forgiveness and grace.

With man this is impossible but with God all things are possible.

 
I am sorry you have been going through the pain of this. I am praying for you. There is no pain to great or sin to big for God to heal or mend. He has called you to be an overcome in ALL things whether that's getting through the pain of an affair or even for someone who as gone through a divorce as I have. He is good at restoring and making all things new!



I am a Husband and father with a wonderful blended family of 5 children and 4 grandchildren. www.daren.tv
 
Last edited:
If he is not truly, deeply remorseful... then there is nothing that can be done.

But if he is truly remorseful, then he will agree to get spiritual counseling, and marriage counseling, and he will agree to do, or change, anything you ask him to.

If you loved him once, at least give God a chance to change him if he is truly repentant.
 
Gettingbetter said:
I am trying to decide if I should stay or leave my marriage after my husband's affair. He is remorseful and wants to work it out. I just can't get past a year and a half of betrayal. I pray and cry all day every day. It has been almost 3 months since I found proof and I just don't know what to do. Can anyone offer any advice. How do I listen to God when I am hoping he will say leave?
Click to expand...


I understand. I suspected that my wife was seeing a married man who was a band member. Then a few years later found out she was going on dates and even kissing a man. Now she is living with a lesbian.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I did. I asked God what I should do. I was talking about this to a good christian friend and we prayed for an answer. We asked if I should divorce her. Both of us got the same answer, "Not now". Which I found perplexing.

Then almost 2 years later I was talking to this friend on my cell phone and was complaining about how long it has been. Then I heard God speak to me in plain and clear terms. He said "I waited longer for you". I was saved in my early years but walked away from God for more than a decade. So His words cut deep.

It has now been almost 5 years..Maybe even longer than 5 years.. I am still hanging out hope of reconciliation I know it won't be easy. It is not easy for me and I am certain it is not easy for you. Ask God what He wants you to do.

I hope things work out for you. God bless.
 
Similar situation here.

I found out that it takes time, because we need time, to find out what we wanted and what
went wrong. Wherever I thought about givng up on trying to reconcile (so I'm in the oposite boat than you),
something happend that pulled us together (also emotionally) and when I think, yes onward, something
happens to make is seem like he is emotionally gone.
God is working on us, every single day and I don't know if mine will be in my future or not.
As I do not know what god wants for your life.

Sometimes gods answer is, slow down, keep looking, there is second person in this relationship and
the timing has to be right for both of you.
 
God allows divorce only to those who have HARD HEARTS. Read your bible in Matthew 19: 8. There is nowhere in bible that commands divorce even when there is legal grounds of adultery, etc. Follow this hypothetical situation: Some counties have at special times a "No Tax Weekend" on retail stores selling clothes, right? What if God said that we as Christians may take someone to court and before the judge have right to punch them in the nose once, just to alleviate your anger. Would you do it? It all sounds more like a divine TEST to see if we can control our human carnal nature and allow God to heal, restore, forgive, reinstate, and reconcile those who have offended us hence making US those special "Green Baret Christians" who get His special silver wings of distinguished honor! Or we can punch our offender in the nose while we have one day in court a green light to do so legally and get away with it. Yet we will never move on to the closer walk and understanding of our dear Forgiving LORD like we could have if we gave up the opportunity and deprived ourselves of the right to get justice legally in a court of justice. My advice, the bible speaks of taking it, not going to court, turning the cheek, and forgiveness. Especially when a repentant heart is already humbled. The ball is now in your court. Be careful you do not lose your golden opportunity to reap a spiritual reward you may never have offered like this again. See Romans 12: 19, 1 Corinthians 6: 7, and Ehesians 4: 30-32. Let the worldly wicked heathen women feminists and independent tough gals our our corrupt godless society today have their day in court in their raging war against men, but not so as becometh saints and women professing godliness.
 
Forgiveness for me does not mean staying in a marriage who continues to hurt me. Forgiveness for me does not mean to be a doormat. I have loved and respected him throughout our marriage and I feel I deserve the same from my partner. This is not his first offence.
 
Gettingbetter said:
Forgiveness for me does not mean staying in a marriage who continues to hurt me. Forgiveness for me does not mean to be a doormat. I have loved and respected him throughout our marriage and I feel I deserve the same from my partner. This is not his first offence.
Click to expand...

It hurts, but focus on the cross. Remember we are not told to forgive once, or twice...but endlessly, just as Christ forgives us. Of course it is impossible as a human being to do this. That is why you are given the power and the comfort of the Holy Spirit, dwelling in you. You are not ordinary, you can do supernatural things through the power of the Holy Spirit. This means 'supernatural' unbelievable ( to the world:) forgiveness. Over & over....because of the cross. God Bless you, only Jesus can heal this, rely fully on Him, get into Gods obedience & authority and the peace & restoration will flow! <><
 
Hi there friend, = ( i am so sorry you are going through this. The only advice i can give you is that if he is truly committed to trying to make things work while following God with all his heart, then the future looks really good for the both as things can take a huge change for the better in God's will. You will feel better to have forgiven then think down the road what if i had forgiven and tried again.

While we would encourage you work with your marriage for it is a lovely blessing by God, you will have to make sure it is your own decision based on fully understanding it. We often make choices thinking about us and not God or even some of the consequences.. anything to make the pain stop.

Pray to him for guidance... we will be praying along with you. God Bless!!
 
You said it's been 3 months since you found proof of the affair. Sounds like your husband got caught. I didn't get the impression that he came to you first and admitted he was having an affair. If you hadn't found proof would he have come to you. I am not saying that he isn't sorry, but I think that you guys need some counseling. He may mean well, but your husband has some issues of the heart and if he doesn't get help, chances are he will go back to cheating. You should forgive him because God commands us to forgive people. But God isn't expecting us to trust right away. I would be very careful. Both of you need marriage counseling to help rebuild the trust and to figure out your husband's deeper issues. Since your husband is willing to work it out, give it a try, but I wouldn't just take his word when he says I will never do it again. Especially if he doesn't get any counseling. Pray for your marriage because God can heal any marriage. I have heard of people who have healed from affairs and have successful marriages. You just have to commit to working at it. :)
 
Praying for you...so sorry you're hurting :(. Going counseling together may help you heal and give you a clearer vision of the future. Don't be too hasty. Being hurt can lead you to do things that you may regret later in life. Give it a good chance first. Pray for guidance and strength. Go to God for your healing.....our relationship with Him should come before any other relationships. He will lead you in this situation.

Praying for your husband also...that he will be sincere in his repentance and determined to do what is right.
 
Gettingbetter said:
Forgiveness for me does not mean staying in a marriage who continues to hurt me. Forgiveness for me does not mean to be a doormat. I have loved and respected him throughout our marriage and I feel I deserve the same from my partner. This is not his first offence.
Click to expand...

I don't think anyone is trying to tell you what to do.

You asked for advice, and we're just trying to give you advice that squares with both scripture, and our own experiences.
But no advice, however well intended, is going to make everything wonderful... this is a horrible situation to be in.

A lot of people here have been through the same thing.
 
Last edited:
Good advice here. I couldn't say anything better. I'll pray on this for sure.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back