So what's ur opinon????ty
God Bless
DJ
Chatting isn't the problem. Its more what is the mindset of your spouse?
There is a difference between harmless chatting that helps others like I do and chatting
with intent to have a relationship even it is just an emotional relationship. If many I
have seen and a few I have spoken to put as much energy into their marriage as they
did the chat, it would probably work.
Many think chatting isn't wrong and don't see it as cheating. If they are devoting time,
energy, emotion and wanting to chat more than be with you, that's a big red flag!
I've been asked about "chat cheating" as some call it before. There are two ways that
you can use to see the extent your spouse has invested in a chat relationship.
One, start taking her/him out 2 - 3 nights a week. Nothing fancy. Maybe just grab a
bite to eat and go to a park or small pond and spend time together but always do it
about 10 minutes before they usually go online. If no fuss, everything is probably ok.
Two, locate the internet connection in your home and trace it out. Find a location away
from the central computer location that you can disconnect the service without them
knowing. Any time a computer problem happens, most people check the cables that
connect to the computer not the main input line in your basement or on the other
end of the house.
When it is about the usual time your spouse goes online, disconnect the internet
connection. See what their response is over a 5 - 10 minute interval. If their attitude
is, "Oh well! Maybe next time!" You don't have much to worry about. You can reconnect
the internet cable and then say, "Oh look! Its working now!"
If they get very agitated, then you might want to be on your guard.
You might also disconnect the internet connection just before they usually go online
but this time, give them 5 or 10 minutes to get upset then tell them you'll take them
out to dinner to help them relax. If they say great, you are great!
If they say no or the computer appears to be more important than you, then you
have a problem.
If you are concerned, there is one more course of action you can take. I suggest that
what ever the proof is that made you decide to use this option, it better be at least
understandable why you felt the need to use this method. If not, it can have a bad
affect on your relationship and trust issues.
Once you absolutely believe they have a relationship online and that relationship is
more important than you, you might think about this before you do it. It can have
major repercussions.
There are programs you can download onto your computer that track and record
every key stroke which you can view later when you get a chance. You can also list
some key words you want the program to track that go in a priority folder.
You can set words that are normally used to tell someone you care as key words like
love, miss you, see you, call me. I would add both your home phone number and
your spouse's cell number to the list. As a general rule, neither of these two numbers
should ever be given out online due to safety concerns. But it also lets you know if
those numbers are being given to others by your spouse and who those others are.
And once you use the program and see your spouse is not doing anything in regard
to online relationships, delete the program as soon as you can and be sure to run
your file locator program to delete all files and delete it from your trash too. Also
clear your cookies and history. If there is no problem, you don't want to create
one when your spouse finds the program.
If the program records things that are unacceptable, you might try an indirect approach
to warn your spouse. Like jokingly saying even though you know its real but she doesn't
know you know, "I guess I need to get online and get me some women rounded up!"
This type of statement should bother your spouse and get a response. If the response
is, "I don't have other guys online. I'm just trying to help a guy that is having problems!"
That's not bad!
But if your spouse says you should find some women online, that indicates not only a
marriage problem but even worse, your spouse has emotionally disconnected from you.
Once you reach this point, its marriage counselor time. I would meet with a counselor
alone and let them see the info you collected. Follow their advice. As you do, it tells
them more about your spouse which may be valuable in saving your marriage.
Hope this helps if you are having issues with chat relationships. Proceed with caution.
I hope this information is over kill and nothing bad happens.