Mia much?

[Blain]

Hey everyone I'm sorry for being so distant lately, for those who read my thread about my rant you may have seen how I poured mu heart and what i was going through and for those whop were understanding and compassionate I want to thank you because it meant more than you know. I was going through a very hard and very hurting time at the house i live at so much so that I just broke inside. I have always said that it's the inner wounds and inner bleedings that hurt the most and are the most difficult to heal and this storm I have been in is living proof of it. There is a reason I said all I did in that thread and I was barely hanging on even at that point, I have never considered myself strong and believe me in that time i was far from it but I am trying to get back up again.

That being said i do not know how soon I can or if I will today or a week from now, Stephanie knows what happened and how I just broke down I was literally crying in the shower only able to hold my stomach as the tears down poured and I know it's gross but I was crying so hard that snot was also flowing and I was told by my friend if that was happening I was crying correctly lol i was like eww I don't want to cry correctly then lol Actually the reason I was holding my stomach wasn't because my stomach was hurting it just felt like the inner pain and sadness I felt was so deep it came from somewhere in my mid section like if that were where the soul is or the holy spirit or something.

Things are still pretty messed up here and I am still hurting inside but I am not one to stay down and out because I can't stand sitting around doing nothing especially when it comes to God, I mean when I had cancer the thing I hated the most was being stuck in the hospital bed for weeks unable to do anything it tortured me. Also I want to say something about Depleted. I know she meant well I know the difference between harsh judgement and critical correction however I also know there is a time and place for everything and honestly what she said to me even with good intentions actually made things worse for me inside because I was at a point where I was just broken inside hurting deeply and in severe sadness inside I never went back to the thread because if i read one more post like that I would have completely shattered inside and again I want it known I know that she meant well but there are times when you have to understand that if someone is hurting like that and they have fallen down and can't get back up that is the time that love and encouragement is needed the most.

Empathy is something that I was always adept to, to be able to put yourself in the other persons shoes even if you have never been through what they have is not something that comes easily to everyone we are all gifted in certain areas where others are not. I believe that God knew what he was doing putting me through all of that and I have no idea why or what was to be gained from it but I trust him even if i can't see, slowly but surely I can feel my heart trying to get back on it's feet and I am hoping I can very soon after all the entire reason I sought to be strong in him and in love to begin with was to help others to be able to stand again and to grow stronger and closer to him and I can't very well do that if I remain face down on the ground can I?

 

[Rosemaryx]

Hey everyone I'm sorry for being so distant lately, for those who read my thread about my rant you may have seen how I poured mu heart and what i was going through and for those whop were understanding and compassionate I want to thank you because it meant more than you know. I was going through a very hard and very hurting time at the house i live at so much so that I just broke inside. I have always said that it's the inner wounds and inner bleedings that hurt the most and are the most difficult to heal and this storm I have been in is living proof of it. There is a reason I said all I did in that thread and I was barely hanging on even at that point, I have never considered myself strong and believe me in that time i was far from it but I am trying to get back up again.

That being said i do not know how soon I can or if I will today or a week from now, Stephanie knows what happened and how I just broke down I was literally crying in the shower only able to hold my stomach as the tears down poured and I know it's gross but I was crying so hard that snot was also flowing and I was told by my friend if that was happening I was crying correctly lol i was like eww I don't want to cry correctly then lol Actually the reason I was holding my stomach wasn't because my stomach was hurting it just felt like the inner pain and sadness I felt was so deep it came from somewhere in my mid section like if that were where the soul is or the holy spirit or something.

Things are still pretty messed up here and I am still hurting inside but I am not one to stay down and out because I can't stand sitting around doing nothing especially when it comes to God, I mean when I had cancer the thing I hated the most was being stuck in the hospital bed for weeks unable to do anything it tortured me. Also I want to say something about Depleted. I know she meant well I know the difference between harsh judgement and critical correction however I also know there is a time and place for everything and honestly what she said to me even with good intentions actually made things worse for me inside because I was at a point where I was just broken inside hurting deeply and in severe sadness inside I never went back to the thread because if i read one more post like that I would have completely shattered inside and again I want it known I know that she meant well but there are times when you have to understand that if someone is hurting like that and they have fallen down and can't get back up that is the time that love and encouragement is needed the most.

Empathy is something that I was always adept to, to be able to put yourself in the other persons shoes even if you have never been through what they have is not something that comes easily to everyone we are all gifted in certain areas where others are not. I believe that God knew what he was doing putting me through all of that and I have no idea why or what was to be gained from it but I trust him even if i can't see, slowly but surely I can feel my heart trying to get back on it's feet and I am hoping I can very soon after all the entire reason I sought to be strong in him and in love to begin with was to help others to be able to stand again and to grow stronger and closer to him and I can't very well do that if I remain face down on the ground can I?

Hi Blain ...First of all it is wonderful to hear that you are no longer face down but standing once again \o/ Praise God...Only good can come from this, and although i do not know what has gone on, i want you to know that you have given me a message that i can relate to my son this afternoon when he rings me from prison , i will tell him " Never give up my son "...We all have our trials that we go through, you are very aware of this, but your beauty is shining through , you have a new found strength, i wonder where you will use that...Anyway my son has just been sent from one prison to another where he has been before, the difference is when he left his old prison he left while walking with the devil, in his new prison, he became born again and has now returned to the old prison walking with the Lord in a very dark world, so i shall tell my son that no matter how scared he is, never give up, just like you Blain, never giving up only growing stronger...God bless you my brother, Praise God, for He is the lifter of our heads...xox...

 

[notmyown]

i love you, B.

there's a time and season for all things. we may not understand what God is doing right now, but we can trust that He does.

 

[oldethennew]

JOHN 15:2.
Every branch in Me that beareth not fruit He taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit,
He purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.

we all must go through some different kinds of purgings throughout our life in Christ,
it's a way of getting rid of our old burdens', old things that can and will keep us from growing
day-by-day. you are now a much stronger warrior for Christ after such an ordeal, praise God...

always remember Blain, to look behind the words that are spoken to you by others, whether we
like them or if we don't understand them, because they are a part of what Jesus often uses to help us
in becoming whom He desires us to become for His Glory...

 

[JonahLynx]

I love you brother, but I feel like your are letting your feelings control you and attributing a weakness to some sort of trait God gave you. I'm not saying it's wrong to be empathetic or that it's wrong to cry - quite the opposite. But in what I've read from you (and I don't know you personally, so grain of salt and all that), I get the sense that you would be better served to follow the examples of Joseph and Gideon. You're not meant to be paralyzed by grief, that's where courage and peace need to be practiced.

My biggest issue is that I don't practice joy or long-suffering, so many of my life problems are self-inflicted and I get into fights with God on a regular basis. What helped me was Jonah's story because we have seemed to have very similar personalities, and I derive a lot of teaching from what God told him after he went back to complaining about the heat. IMO your best tool is to pray and study on how to grow - NOT to persist in a state of hyper-sensitivity to where even godly criticism is "hurtful" or overwhelming. Again, don't know you, but this is what I perceive is going on. You're free to ignore it obviously, but part of growth is cracking shells and molting old skins.

Encouragement and love are qualities that are beginning to go extinct in the church, so it's nice to see that these are gifts God has given you to be used with confidence and faith.

Peace with you.