Thank you. Just knowing that others are praying or have prayed for me brings some comfort to my soul. Yesterday was tough, and I came very close to crying, but today is a new day.
In the midst of yesterday's disappointment, I did speak to my co-worker a few times, and he was sober for a change. I did have the opportunity to share the gospel with him. Although he offered some resistance to it, he definitely listened to what I had to say, and he certainly seems to be pondering his own mortality and the possibility of an afterlife. If you knew him, then you would understand why I am so shocked that we are discussing things like Jesus and the Bible. All that he ever spoke to me about before was his sexual conquests, and he pretty regularly takes Jesus' name in vain. I will have to wait and see how this all plays out, but at least good seed is being planted, and I honestly never thought that I would be the one planting it. For that, I am certainly grateful to God.
Yesterday, I saw something on one of your threads that you said about your husband. Something about how he claimed that his own sexual condition had been repressed since his childhood. I know that you called the example that he gave "nonsense," and you may be totally correct. I am wondering though if you have any idea as to what might have truly opened the door to his behavior. I am asking because I do believe that everything has to start somewhere, and knowing where might help me to pray for him more effectively.
Turning back to my job for a second, I am facing a rather hectic schedule starting tomorrow, so I probably won't be posting here too much. I am scheduled to work long days this Thursday through Sunday, and then again from next Tuesday through Friday, so I will be working 8 out of the next 9 days. Next week's schedule is different than normal because that Saturday is a holiday, the 4th of July, over here in America, and it never really pays to work on holidays because people are barbecuing and spending time with their families and friends, and not really shopping. I am not looking forward to my schedule, but like you prayed, I will take it one day at a time. Thanks again for your prayers.
I am glad you have some comfort know you are not alone God is with you and we are with you too. I am so sorry that yesterday was tough. I too had a rather bad day. I will spare the details. But I was able to watch two of the three sermons and they helped a lot.
And yes today is a new day, it has always helped me to reflect back on yesterday and then realize I am still here today. It is always slow -_- but you are going to get through this.
As a personal testimony (and I am only sharing this because I think it will be useful) I worked the same job for three years and it has been very toxic, I would get constant phone calls all through out the day and night, expected to come 2hrs early with little to no notice. never given any staff which meant I was stuck doing all the heavy duty cleaning on my own with less time than I actually had and deliveries three days a week by myself.
I don't think I have ever broken down so much in my life, especially when I was blamed for any inspection that came up even though I was never given staff or the proper tools to clean anything to standard. None of that mattered, and the work motto for all shifts was to just do don't ask. Most people who were praised were only praised because they made sure to stay behind and their work off the clock whereas I was not willing to do that.
But now looking back I am seeing all that stress in such a vile environment that was not professional at all, and know that the next opportunity moving forward, I am going to be able to handle it, and also fight for myself.
Hearing your crazy hours, still making what you need in a job all commission based (uncertainty), doing that you will be able to look back and see how much more God was with you so you can lean on him even harder on the next job that He has prepared you for that Lord willing will be more stable and easy on your nervous system. But you will be more prepared than ever.
Who knows maybe during these hours you will meet someone who likes your work ethic and hires you, you really never know.
seems to be pondering his own mortality and the possibility of an afterlife.
That is amazing, I will take your word for it, but it is always the most unlikely that the Lord saves. I am so happy that that seed has been planted and pray you will be able to see his salvation come into his life before you get your next job. I am excited to hear about when you apply for the assistant manager position.
I am wondering though if you have any idea as to what might have truly opened the door to his behavior.
He has issues with confronting things. He doesn't like pain and cowers all the time. I don't mean that to degrade him, but when there is something that is clearly wrong he doesn't fight against it, he just let's it slide and says "it isn't worth it". Right now him changign his sexuality and all that has nothing to do with him embracing that life style, it has to do with him tryign to reduce the pain.
Even when he wanted to stay married he was still willing to divorce me because there were two pains he was suffering through and I was the only one he could get rid of he couldn't 'get ride' of the thoughts in his head. (his words). He (like you said) need a pair, he needs discernment and a heavy conviction between right and wrong.
Everything he believed to be right he threw away because it went against what he was feel and didn't want that conviction. I hope that helps. There are a lot of things in his childhood that has been neglected, and honestly he has always hated himself.
he tried to kill himself in high school but the attempt failed so he just went to school and didn't talk about it again. But there are other traumas that have happened like unforgiveness towards his father (attempt of murder against mother, narcissism and also started a new family with zero contact). He has always decided to repress that and not talk about it and ignore it and pretend to be happy.
Like my husband will never be able to love me because he hates himself. He treats me like he hates me and is violating everything that I am and our marriage is because he has no love for himself.
EPHESIANS 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Thank you for praying for him, our marriage will end sooner than expected though. His 'friends' have made that very clear from last night when they wanted him to kick me out bc I asked him not to be loud after 12am (that was apparently an unrealistic request). Every sense is being warped right now.
hectic schedule starting tomorrow, so I probably won't be posting here too much.
That is fine I am glad you at least have work, I am very grateful for that and hope your week goes by swiftly. I know one of my friends had a show we watched every week and that was what I looked forward too. and then the next day we would send a quick text of what we thought. Maybe you can find something like that to do with a friend to make the week go by quicker. Of course also with bible study and prayer. But have something recreational as well okay? We all need rest.
Thanks again for your prayers.
Thank you for the prayers as well. I wanted to send my thoughts on the sermons I listened too but like I said yesterday wasn't the best. But please know that they did help a lot especially about surrender but you were right it was better in the opposite direction. Learning about trials and preparation.
It gave me a lot of hope for what is to come, what I could possibly be being prepared for that will bring peace and honestly a sense of no doubt that I am the Lord's. There was a lot of good stuff I will be tucking these sermons away for sure.
