i was hit with the worst attempt to crush my faith. you see my best friend does not like the new me, he misses the old me and i go over to his house sometimes but i tend to try to stay away. He always wants me to do these money making plans and it would take me off the path god gave me. i know what future god has set out for me but i have not yet told andrew because he will get very mad. everytime i go over to his house he ries to get me to spend a lot of time with doing his plans and playing world of warcraft. But i don't want anything to do with that game which i never even really like anyways or his money plans. But i do not have the courage to say no, and he will not quit trying to get me to do it. he cannot accept the new me and i think he is trying to get the old me back. i don't want to lose my friend and if i tell him he needs to accept the new me and how i don't want to do his plans then i am afraid i will never be able to have the friendship we had. Anyways here is where the devil gave it all he had, my friend wanted me to come over and was trying to convince me to do the money thing, after we talked i was so emotionally stressed and hurt because i knew if i went over things would be bad and i would not be able to stay on the right path. my soul was shattered i felt the inside of my soul, the emotional stress and pain was worse than when i had cancer and that says a lot. My soul kept screaming to give up on god he will not help me it told me to let go. But i refused to let go i could feel inside me my grip on god it was very tight from fear of losing hope. i prayed to god even though i had lost all of my strength my mind was melted my soul was completly broken. i kept telling myself and god that the lord is stronger he will save me, But thoughts came rushing in saying no you have lost your trust in him your faith is weak. But i constently did my best to push them away i refused to believe them. This is probably what spiritual warfare is i knew it was the devil's doing and my faith was being tested. But i could no longer say to myself ( I am strong) I told god with all i could muster that he is good and even if i break he will save me. I said it but it sounded bitter on my tongue, i finally texted andrew i could not go over something has happened and i cannot talk about it and i needed him to trust me. he texted me back saying no problem my pain and anguish disapeared but i knew it would come back even now it is trying to take me over again but i will not give in god is with me and i accepted this from the start i knew i would be tested and i welcomed it, i told god i would accept the bitter cup to prove my faith wish me luck i feel it may happen again very soon as i am already feeling my soul weaken
Although things won't be perfect in this life, we can still have our focus on God and rejoice in him always 
I am going to go and help the church soon, I thought what would jesus do? so even though i slept in more than i wanted i figure if i still keep praising god for allowing me to do my best today it doesn't matter that i cannot serve him as long as i wanted LOL. again i cannot express how much i treasure all of your encouragements and i hope my posting of my spiritual growth can be used to touch the hearts of others so god may work even more in the lives of others.
