I don't think you should be sorry for being confused. These are serious questions, and honestly, asking them is better than simply accepting an answer you do not understand.
There is an old saying that knowledge is power. There is truth in that. When we do not have enough knowledge about something, it is easy to become uncertain, doubtful, and undecided. Sometimes the problem is not that the truth makes no sense, but that we have not yet gathered enough pieces to see the whole picture.
So I would encourage you to keep asking questions but also to examine the ideas behind the questions carefully. Otherwise, we can end up rejecting something because of a picture of it that was never actually true in the first place.
I think that is happening with several things in what you wrote.
First, the Bible never says that God made Satan into a beast and then gave him the earth so that he could unleash evil upon mankind. Some passages are sometimes understood as describing Satan's fall, but we should be careful not to turn symbolic passages into a story the Bible itself never plainly tells.
What the Bible does say is that evil entered God's creation through rebellion, and that God has allowed Satan limited freedom for a time. But allowing something is not the same as causing it.
Jesus made this distinction very clearly. When He was speaking about the devil, He said:
He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. (John 8:44, NKJV)
Notice what Jesus does not say. He does not say that God made Satan evil and then blamed Satan for what God Himself had done. He describes Satan as someone who chose falsehood and became a murderer.
There is also an important difference between God's mercy and God's refusal to judge evil.
If a judge sees someone hurting innocent people and simply says, "I am merciful, therefore I will never judge you," that would not really be mercy toward the victims. It would be injustice.
Biblical mercy does not mean that God calls evil good. It means that God gives people an opportunity to turn away from evil before judgment comes.
And this is where Jesus becomes extremely important.
You said that Jesus does not seem to be an accurate representation of God because Jesus is not truly God in the Trinity. But that is actually different from what the Christian doctrine of the Trinity teaches.
The Trinity does not say that Jesus is merely a good man who represents God. It says that the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are distinct, yet there is one God. Jesus Himself made claims that go far beyond being merely a prophet or representative.
I and My Father are one. (John 10:30, NKJV)
And when His disciple Thomas saw the risen Jesus, he said: My Lord and my God! (John 20:28, NKJV)
Jesus did not correct him. But there is something even more important in your question. You asked whether Jesus is really what God is like. Jesus answered that question Himself:
He who has seen Me has seen the Father. (John 14:9, NKJV)
That means if we want to know what God's character is like, Jesus is not a problem that we have to explain away. Jesus is the very person we are supposed to look at. Look at how Jesus treated sinners.
He called people to repent, but He also forgave them. He warned people about judgment, but He also wept over Jerusalem.
He taught people to love their enemies. He healed people who were suffering.
He welcomed the rejected. He told His disciples to forgive again and again.
And when He was being crucified, He prayed: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. (Luke 23:34, NKJV)
So I would not begin by asking, "How can God be like Jesus?"
I would begin with Jesus' own statement: He who has seen Me has seen the Father.
Then the harder question becomes: What do we do with the parts of Jesus' teaching about judgment?
Because Jesus did speak about judgment. He spoke about hell, destruction, separation from God, and the consequences of refusing God's way. We cannot honestly remove those words simply because they make us uncomfortable.
But notice something very important: Jesus did not take pleasure in the destruction of people.
When He looked at Jerusalem, He said:
"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! "(Matthew 23:37, NKJV)
There is both love and judgment in Jesus' teaching.
That may actually be closer to justice than the idea that God simply sends people to punishment because He wants to.
Jesus repeatedly presents the matter as a choice. God calls people to life, but He does not force them to love Him.
"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. "(Matthew 7:13, NKJV)
And He also says: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16, NKJV)
So perhaps the question is not really, "Why isn't God exactly like the gentle parts of Jesus?"
The Christian answer is that Jesus is showing us what God is like.The difficult part is accepting that perfect love and perfect justice are not opposites. A God who loves His creation should oppose evil. A God who is just should judge evil. And a God who is merciful should give people an opportunity to repent.
Jesus presents all three.
So I would not tell you to stop questioning. I would encourage you to go one step deeper. Instead of trying to understand God first through doctrines about God, start with the person who claimed to reveal God to us.
Read Jesus' words carefully. Not what someone says Jesus said. Not what a denomination says Jesus meant.
Read what Jesus actually said, especially in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Then ask one simple question: If Jesus really shows me what the Father is like, what kind of God do I see when I look at Him?
That question may lead you much further than an argument about theology ever could. if you have any questions, please do not be shy.
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