My husband Left me for another woman

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R

rena123

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been married for 11 years we have two boys. He was a minister in our church. I was a stay at home mom I home schooled our children at first it was difficult but it was rewarding to see our children prosper in school I felt I was blessed because not many woman are able to stay home with their children. I noticed a change in my husbands behavior this pass October he started to become more distant He started wanting to hang out with his friends more often I thought to myself he just needs that relaxation time. But when I noticed it started to become more often it concerned me I tried to communicate with him but he would just get frustrated and tell me I don't understand how he is feeling and I replied by saying I'm here for you we can work this out together. Then he made the comment one day he is getting tired of going to church I knew this problem was getting serious because he loved being a minister. I asked him are you having an affair and he replied why would I want anyone else I love you and the children. In mid October he told me he needed to get away for a few days I told him no he fought with me about it no matter what I said he was determine to go he left on a Friday night he came back on Sunday afternoon. He told me that he had checked himself into the hospital because he was having mental issues I didn't believe him at first but he had the forms to verify he did go to the hosiptal he had anixtey disorder I said okay we can work this out you can get medication and go to conseling. After he came back home he did not want to be intimate with me anymore he said he needed more time because of the emotional issues he is having. I few weeks later he told me he was leaving but he would be back I was devasted my children were hurt and confused. I kept speaking on the phone to him back and fourth for a week him saying he still loves me and he was coming back home eventually. After two weeks I started to get frustrated and told him I wanted him home and that's when he told me he no longer wanted the marriage he met someone else. It turns out he was seeing a woman he worked with she is 50 years old and he is 36 years her children our grown.
Even after all said and done I still love him I wish I could stop because the emotional pain is unbearable.
At first he was distancing himself from me know he is no longer communicating with the children. Will he ever come to the realization of what he has done and want to come back to me? How do I keep dealing with this situation in a Godly way ? even though he is not living in the household he still pays the bills until I can get on my feet because of the situation he has left me. Is their a chance that he will realize what he has done and want to come back?
 
Moviefan2k4

Moviefan2k4

Banned
#2
Mar 18, 2009
190
2
0
#2
Rena,

I pray that God gives you and your children the strength, courage, patience, and hope to overcome this obstacle. I've never been married, and I have no children, but I know what it feels like for the one you love to leave. It sucks royally, and I pray right now that God will work on both your hearts, and meet your greatest points of need in life. Love is a very complicated matter at times, and one of the hardest things I've had to learn is that even God won't change a person's free will. He guides and urges people to do what is right, but the actual choice must be theirs.

Above all, I pray that peace overflows to you, your children, your husband, and your family as a whole. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Josh
 
S

sunshine_debbie

Guest
#3
#3
rena123 said:
I noticed a change in my husbands behavior this pass October he started to become more distant He started wanting to hang out with his friends more often I thought to myself he just needs that relaxation time. But when I noticed it started to become more often it concerned me I tried to communicate with him but he would just get frustrated and tell me I don't understand how he is feeling In mid October he told me he needed to get away for a few days I told him no he fought with me about it no matter what I said he was determine to go he left on a Friday night he came back on Sunday afternoon. He told me that he had checked himself into the hospital because he was having mental issues I didn't believe him at first but he had the forms to verify he did go to the hosiptal he had anixtey disorder I said okay we can work this out you can get medication and go to conseling. After he came back home he did not want to be intimate with me anymore he said he needed more time because of the emotional issues he is having. I few weeks later he told me he was leaving but he would be back I was devasted my children were hurt and confused. I kept speaking on the phone to him back and fourth for a week him saying he still loves me and he was coming back home eventually. After two weeks I started to get frustrated and told him I wanted him home and that's when he told me he no longer wanted the marriage he met someone else. It turns out he was seeing a woman he worked with.
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There is so much here that I dont even know where to start. The first thing that concerns me is that your husband spent time in a hospital in October. This means that emotionally he is probably not doing very well. Decisions that are made when someone is not at their emotional best never work out well. As someone with a host of mental health problems including severe anxiety and depression, I have long ago learned that if you are in the middle of a mental health crisis, you need to try your best NOT to act on your feelings, they will betray you every time. Try to get your husband to see a counselor, even if its not about your marriage at first. The only other thing that you can do is pray, and pray some more and read God's word. I will pray for you as much as I can that God will help you and be with you and give you peace.

Debbiie
 
S

sharbear

Guest
#4
#4
Hello, I feel absolutely terrible for you. I completely understand. My first husband did the same to me after 7 years after one daughter and a second on the way. I prayed and prayed for help to relieve my pain. And, I somehow obtained the courage to go on (and regained strength in myself, went back to college while pregnant! , worked at home doing registered day care until I finished college, and in time met a man who became my (I thought) hero.) Yes, please rely on your faith in yourself right now.

Now, after remarrying 3 years after Alaina was born, my 2nd husband I found out in November, has been sexting, or e-mailing a co-worker from another branch of his company; they meet every year in Dallas for 10 years.

I am again devastated, I so feel your pain, dear. I am crying as I write this. With him, 3 years after we married, I sold MY house to 'move up' into a nice neighborhood together. We've been together 13 years and I have SO much to lose. I work, but I don't even know if I can afford an apartment for my daughters and I. I don't know whether to divorce him or try to stick it out. I showed him what I'd found (wasn't looking, it just came on the computer when I typed in 'gmail' his account popped up on his computer. He denies to this day, but I searched the person's e-mail on the web, and it IS his co-worker.I was shocked, absolutely ripped my heart out. I had all of my faith, trust, and love in him. I'm 46 and terrified to start again. Please pray for me and I will pray for you and your children. Why do they do this. I love him so much.

Shari

 
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rena123

Guest
#5
#5
Shari

I feel your pain I want you to know that I will have you in my prayers. I don't know why some men cheat on their wives you would think that if they wanted to see other people that they would remain single instead of being married. I'm just at the beginning stage of the divorce so far he has been cooperating with me as regards to the custody and child support of course he doesn't want full custody which is good because he is living with the other woman. I told him recently I forgive him for what he has done to me and I have no hatred towards him and I hope him and the other woman are happy together. That was the hardest thing I've ever done because he had hurt me so bad. God told me I had to forgive him in order to move on I pray everyday that God leads me in the right direction. Just the other day I started to think about my husband and was upset and crying and God brought back a memory of when I was a young girl in high school I was let out of school early my dad always would pick me up and take me home but this day I had to walk home I was unfamilar with the area I started walking and I got lost I started to pray and ask God to help me find my way home as I was walking I heard a small voice say turn right,turn left, turn right and before I knew it I found my way home. I never would have thought that was a lesson that God was teaching me about trusting in him as I write this the scripture comes to me Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him and shall direct thy paths. I'm trusting in God to direct my paths.
 
S

sad_wife

Guest
#6
#6
To answer your question, yes, there is still a chance he will repent and love not only you and your kids again, but also God. However, right now... get strong with God and move forward in life until God either releases or restores your marriage.

I have been there too, my husband kissed a coworker and left me and the kids.... I was not strong like you, though, and was in a weak place... I begged him to come back and not in a positive way. He came back with tons of stipulations on me that I was in a desperate place and willing to do whatever he asks. Now, I have lots of painful memories of the things he had me doing and saying during that time.... shudder.... I even have a child that I love dearly, but came from those horrible moments and I have that legacy to remember when I look at her....

So, just wait... stand, be firm with God... let God be "the lover of your soul"... and ask HIM what to do with each day that comes.
 
O

OreoSoleil

Guest
#7
#7
There is a chance that his heart can change, but really something God has taught me through this season I am going through is -- God is focused on changing me. I am carrying my exes baby and he has distanced himself --even after all the promises he made to us. He just says he's sorry and never meant them. Men seem to change like the wind it seems -- but God keeps reminding me that He is here with me and He loves this child.

In Psalm 37 he tells us that when we are patien, trusting in God -- God will work for those that wait for Him. He promises to vindicate those that truly rely on Him. It is hard when the hurt feelings arise --but something I've realized --that's the devil --he plays mind tricks with us. Because if we really saw the promises and future God has for us --- I know none of us would let this affect us.

We're all here for each other : )
 
G

glenwood74

Guest
#8
#8
Rena, may the Lord bless you and keep you, and give you peace. This is definitely a very painful situation that you are in and only the Lord can bring you through it. We are made to have only one mate and it appears that your husband's lack of faith stems from his need to be with another woman. All you can do now is seek the face of the Lord and remain strong for your children, for they will be in dire need of your love and counseling. If I were in a similar situation, I would get into God's word and seek His wisdom and solace. The psalms have always brought me strength! Remember, with God, all things are possible!
 
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rena123

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you for all your prayers and support :)
 
A

asamanthinketh

Guest
#10
#10

Yes, there is always a possibility that his mind and heart will acknowledge what he has done and what he is doing. He most likely is aware of what he is doing. All things are possible to him who believes. I am not knowledgeable about marriage, but I would say that there are situations and instances that someone who not come back either because they do not want to, too much hurt has been inflicted, and lives have changed too much to mend and re-establish. But if you believe in the ways of the Lord then if he comes back, then it is possible. To deal with the situation be sure to take care of your self and your needs, do not let your health or any other part of your being be destroyed because of another's actions. Love your children and do your best to shield them. When I was little my mother always let me make my own decisions as to my dad's actions. It may not be the best way, but you know your children and God knows so go with what works. But whatever happens, you have to get through to whatever the conclusion will be.


Will he ever come to the realization of what he has done and want to come back to me? How do I keep dealing with this situation in a Godly way ? even though he is not living in the household he still pays the bills until I can get on my feet because of the situation he has left me. Is their a chance that he will realize what he has done and want to come back? [/quote]
 
J

JujuBrazil

Guest
#12
#12
Dear Rena..
We are praying for you
I think the problem your husband has a lot to do with the spiritual. We all know that we must keep the faith, life focused on Jesus. Any gaps that we give the devil will come down to us, he enters one's life to destroy it. Therefore, this moment is for you look at yourself as a woman worthy that you should be, to pay not to depreciate, love yourself, and care for their children as an inheritance from the Lord.
I believe your husband can be in moments of delusion, or even despair (as much as he does not say).
Pray, ask God to show you if it's worth fighting for, to help her husband as the man in your life, or hope, pray that he comes on a cloud of regret.
Relationships today are extremely disposable as that. What God has joined together, man not separate. If since he married you are sure that it was prepared by God for you, maybe you should fight for him.
But never forget its value and love herself in a manner acceptable in the eyes of God.

I am available to talk if you want, send me a message! you can even spend my msn!
God bless
 
PilgrimElect

PilgrimElect

Banned
#13
Jan 9, 2010
6
0
0
#13
rena123 said:
My husband and I have been married for 11 years we have two boys. He was a minister in our church. I was a stay at home mom I home schooled our children at first it was difficult but it was rewarding to see our children prosper in school I felt I was blessed because not many woman are able to stay home with their children. I noticed a change in my husbands behavior this pass October he started to become more distant He started wanting to hang out with his friends more often I thought to myself he just needs that relaxation time. But when I noticed it started to become more often it concerned me I tried to communicate with him but he would just get frustrated and tell me I don't understand how he is feeling and I replied by saying I'm here for you we can work this out together. Then he made the comment one day he is getting tired of going to church I knew this problem was getting serious because he loved being a minister. I asked him are you having an affair and he replied why would I want anyone else I love you and the children. In mid October he told me he needed to get away for a few days I told him no he fought with me about it no matter what I said he was determine to go he left on a Friday night he came back on Sunday afternoon. He told me that he had checked himself into the hospital because he was having mental issues I didn't believe him at first but he had the forms to verify he did go to the hosiptal he had anixtey disorder I said okay we can work this out you can get medication and go to conseling. After he came back home he did not want to be intimate with me anymore he said he needed more time because of the emotional issues he is having. I few weeks later he told me he was leaving but he would be back I was devasted my children were hurt and confused. I kept speaking on the phone to him back and fourth for a week him saying he still loves me and he was coming back home eventually. After two weeks I started to get frustrated and told him I wanted him home and that's when he told me he no longer wanted the marriage he met someone else. It turns out he was seeing a woman he worked with she is 50 years old and he is 36 years her children our grown.
Even after all said and done I still love him I wish I could stop because the emotional pain is unbearable.
At first he was distancing himself from me know he is no longer communicating with the children. Will he ever come to the realization of what he has done and want to come back to me? How do I keep dealing with this situation in a Godly way ? even though he is not living in the household he still pays the bills until I can get on my feet because of the situation he has left me. Is their a chance that he will realize what he has done and want to come back?
Click to expand...
Hi , its nothing to worry about ,, dont get so distracted . just Keep your mind and heart on CHrist ,
He loves you , its just the nature of man to hunt his prey, and its a merciful opportunity for you to recognize his true condition and pray for his restoration and Salvation , .remember GOd says i will restore unto you the years that the locusts hath eaten .....He will be back soon , saying he is sorry, and he will be feeling so ashamed of his behaviour you want have to say anything ,, other then you still love him.............
 
PilgrimElect

PilgrimElect

Banned
#14
Jan 9, 2010
6
0
0
#14
Hi , its nothing to worry about ,, dont get so distracted . just Keep your mind and heart on CHrist ,
He loves you , its just the nature of man to hunt his prey, and its a merciful opportunity for you to recognize his true condition and pray for his restoration and Salvation , .remember GOd says i will restore unto you the years that the locusts hath eaten .....He will be back soon , saying he is sorry, and he will be feeling so ashamed of his behaviour you want have to say anything ,, other then you still love him.....
 
Y

yenguccia

Guest
#15
#15
sharbear said:
Hello, I feel absolutely terrible for you. I completely understand. My first husband did the same to me after 7 years after one daughter and a second on the way. I prayed and prayed for help to relieve my pain. And, I somehow obtained the courage to go on (and regained strength in myself, went back to college while pregnant! , worked at home doing registered day care until I finished college, and in time met a man who became my (I thought) hero.) Yes, please rely on your faith in yourself right now.

Now, after remarrying 3 years after Alaina was born, my 2nd husband I found out in November, has been sexting, or e-mailing a co-worker from another branch of his company; they meet every year in Dallas for 10 years.

I am again devastated, I so feel your pain, dear. I am crying as I write this. With him, 3 years after we married, I sold MY house to 'move up' into a nice neighborhood together. We've been together 13 years and I have SO much to lose. I work, but I don't even know if I can afford an apartment for my daughters and I. I don't know whether to divorce him or try to stick it out. I showed him what I'd found (wasn't looking, it just came on the computer when I typed in 'gmail' his account popped up on his computer. He denies to this day, but I searched the person's e-mail on the web, and it IS his co-worker.I was shocked, absolutely ripped my heart out. I had all of my faith, trust, and love in him. I'm 46 and terrified to start again. Please pray for me and I will pray for you and your children. Why do they do this. I love him so much.

Shari
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praying for you Shari,...I hope and pray that you will be able to move on and live a happy life..no more pain but to have a faithful husband who will love you each day and not to hurt your feelings ever.
I pray for all the hurting men and women whose wives and husbands have gone astrayed. God be with you. God is our refuge and our strength. may God guide you in your life's journey. There are so much evil things happening around with so much lust and painful situations..God be with us all...God bless you all...
 
J

jesus_be4_religion

Guest
#16
#16
I would say let him move on if you have any hope of it ever renewing it will happen when you let go of him.Keep praying though that God's will be done, and you have to move on for yourself as well. If you harbor unforgiveness or resentment towards him or the other women this could kill your spiritual walk. God Bless your in my prayers.
 
aspen

aspen

Banned
#17
Feb 3, 2010
1,238
3
0
#17
rena123 said:
My husband and I have been married for 11 years we have two boys. He was a minister in our church. I was a stay at home mom I home schooled our children at first it was difficult but it was rewarding to see our children prosper in school I felt I was blessed because not many woman are able to stay home with their children. I noticed a change in my husbands behavior this pass October he started to become more distant He started wanting to hang out with his friends more often I thought to myself he just needs that relaxation time. But when I noticed it started to become more often it concerned me I tried to communicate with him but he would just get frustrated and tell me I don't understand how he is feeling and I replied by saying I'm here for you we can work this out together. Then he made the comment one day he is getting tired of going to church I knew this problem was getting serious because he loved being a minister. I asked him are you having an affair and he replied why would I want anyone else I love you and the children. In mid October he told me he needed to get away for a few days I told him no he fought with me about it no matter what I said he was determine to go he left on a Friday night he came back on Sunday afternoon. He told me that he had checked himself into the hospital because he was having mental issues I didn't believe him at first but he had the forms to verify he did go to the hosiptal he had anixtey disorder I said okay we can work this out you can get medication and go to conseling. After he came back home he did not want to be intimate with me anymore he said he needed more time because of the emotional issues he is having. I few weeks later he told me he was leaving but he would be back I was devasted my children were hurt and confused. I kept speaking on the phone to him back and fourth for a week him saying he still loves me and he was coming back home eventually. After two weeks I started to get frustrated and told him I wanted him home and that's when he told me he no longer wanted the marriage he met someone else. It turns out he was seeing a woman he worked with she is 50 years old and he is 36 years her children our grown.
Even after all said and done I still love him I wish I could stop because the emotional pain is unbearable.
At first he was distancing himself from me know he is no longer communicating with the children. Will he ever come to the realization of what he has done and want to come back to me? How do I keep dealing with this situation in a Godly way ? even though he is not living in the household he still pays the bills until I can get on my feet because of the situation he has left me. Is their a chance that he will realize what he has done and want to come back?
Click to expand...
Betrayal on this level is heart-wrenching. No speculation on his motives is going to be satisfying. No change of heart on his part is going to make it easier - it will only complicate the matter. You need to take care of yourself - your kids need you. Hopefully, there is a supportive friend / family member / group that you can turn to. You cannot do this by yourself - it is too big.

I will pray for you. God is faithful, even when people let us down. It is simply devastating for me to read your story - I cannot imagine the feeling you are experiencing. Seeking out a counselor might help you through the grief.

bless you and your children.
 
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