H
hospitalpharmacist
Guest
My name is Cristina, Cris for the friends. I already sent a lot of posts and many of you read my introduction.
This testimony is about what pain can do in our life or better what happened to me.
I had to face all of kind of abuses and violences by my same family as you know yet: firstly by my brother and I'm sure that many health related problems I'm facing are due to his violence, them my mom and father hurted me too.
I'm still under abuses even if I found a way to escape from the hardest of them (physical and sexual). There is no day that goes by without my mother yelling at me or calling name such "pig". The fear that all abuses can begin again is great but I try not to think about.
I read someone of you asked me why I don't get out from this situation because I'm an adult and I'm a pharmacist. I wish to do it but I simply can't: at the moment I'm unoccupied even if i'm keeping on by doing job interviews and exams so I don't have enough money to live by myself. Everything is harder because of my health problems: chronic joint pain mainly in my knees that pain medications don't relieve and then muscle weakness crisis so hard I need to lie down because I can't simply stand on my feet.
Everything is hard for me because I don't have the necessary support of my family too: it happened to me to feel so sick I asked my mom to call ambulance (she was alone at home and she couldn't get me to the emergency room) and she literally replied to me screaming " I'll not call anyone. First you don't have anything . Second this house is in a such mess that I don't want anyone to come in".
How a mom who cares the health of her daughter can tell this? I could really have something serious.
I'd like to say that my mom suffers of the behaviour called hoarding. She doesn't throw away anything: for example she keeps the trays of cheese. Everyone knows they are junk but symply they aren't for her. Her bedroom is so full of boxes you can't walk in: some of them reach the ceiling.
So I really think that if there is mess at home she is guilty of it.
Doctors didn't help it with my diseases too: I can say that the neurologist who visited me during my last hospital admission ended up telling me that the muscle weakness crisis were all in my mind even if they found I have an hernia that can cause muscle weakness, I have a positive babinsky's reflex that can be related to muscle weakness too other than worrying disease like ALS or multiple sclerosis and I suffer of hypothyroidism, another disease muscle weakness related. During that hospital admission because of severe asthenia I couldn't walk and this lasted for more than a month. Finally I decided I had to take care myself of my situation because doctors didn't do anything so far to help me. So as I'm an hospital pharmacist and I know drugs I tried a medicine by myself. Luckly it worked and I began to walk again. My behaviour was wrong because medicines have to be taken always under doctor's control but I didn't have choice in that situation.
So far a resume of my story.
But what I want to testimony is that it's false to think that abuses' victims are weaker in front of satan and demons attacks like I read in some of your posts. Victim's abuses are the same as other people: the weakness in front of a sin is related only to one's faith. Look at me: I could kill my parents and my brother. Yes I could after all the pain caused to me. I could commit suicide too to make and end to all my sufference. But No I didn't do either and I'm still fighting.
I'm trying to forgive my parents and my brother like Christ taught us even if it's really hard and most of all I keep praying for their souls because they understand what they did and they can repent of their sins.
I think pain got me a stronger person, a more sensitive one in front of other's pain (I confess that I own inside a fire of love for anyone in need that never has been extincted; in a part of my life I thought Christ was calling me to be a nun and I talked with my pastor and a nun about it but they discouraged me to take this way).
I can say Who get a strong faith can survive the worst of the disaster because they know that God don't give them a weight they can't bear.
I can only say to be a lucky person because if God is letting me have such great pains to me, not only I'm very strong but great gifts are waiting for me in Heaven if I'll keep to be strong enough to follow Christ's path until the end of my life. I need to pray because this will happen.
Chris's path is very hard to follow and I falled down so many times I don't remember but what it's important is to always raise up and keep walking. I tried everyday of my life to drive away all the temptations from me and to folow the Gospel teachings so that they can help me to take always the right decisions.
Thanks for reading so far and hoping my testimony of faith can help other people in pain like me.
This testimony is about what pain can do in our life or better what happened to me.
I had to face all of kind of abuses and violences by my same family as you know yet: firstly by my brother and I'm sure that many health related problems I'm facing are due to his violence, them my mom and father hurted me too.
I'm still under abuses even if I found a way to escape from the hardest of them (physical and sexual). There is no day that goes by without my mother yelling at me or calling name such "pig". The fear that all abuses can begin again is great but I try not to think about.
I read someone of you asked me why I don't get out from this situation because I'm an adult and I'm a pharmacist. I wish to do it but I simply can't: at the moment I'm unoccupied even if i'm keeping on by doing job interviews and exams so I don't have enough money to live by myself. Everything is harder because of my health problems: chronic joint pain mainly in my knees that pain medications don't relieve and then muscle weakness crisis so hard I need to lie down because I can't simply stand on my feet.
Everything is hard for me because I don't have the necessary support of my family too: it happened to me to feel so sick I asked my mom to call ambulance (she was alone at home and she couldn't get me to the emergency room) and she literally replied to me screaming " I'll not call anyone. First you don't have anything . Second this house is in a such mess that I don't want anyone to come in".
How a mom who cares the health of her daughter can tell this? I could really have something serious.
I'd like to say that my mom suffers of the behaviour called hoarding. She doesn't throw away anything: for example she keeps the trays of cheese. Everyone knows they are junk but symply they aren't for her. Her bedroom is so full of boxes you can't walk in: some of them reach the ceiling.
So I really think that if there is mess at home she is guilty of it.
Doctors didn't help it with my diseases too: I can say that the neurologist who visited me during my last hospital admission ended up telling me that the muscle weakness crisis were all in my mind even if they found I have an hernia that can cause muscle weakness, I have a positive babinsky's reflex that can be related to muscle weakness too other than worrying disease like ALS or multiple sclerosis and I suffer of hypothyroidism, another disease muscle weakness related. During that hospital admission because of severe asthenia I couldn't walk and this lasted for more than a month. Finally I decided I had to take care myself of my situation because doctors didn't do anything so far to help me. So as I'm an hospital pharmacist and I know drugs I tried a medicine by myself. Luckly it worked and I began to walk again. My behaviour was wrong because medicines have to be taken always under doctor's control but I didn't have choice in that situation.
So far a resume of my story.
But what I want to testimony is that it's false to think that abuses' victims are weaker in front of satan and demons attacks like I read in some of your posts. Victim's abuses are the same as other people: the weakness in front of a sin is related only to one's faith. Look at me: I could kill my parents and my brother. Yes I could after all the pain caused to me. I could commit suicide too to make and end to all my sufference. But No I didn't do either and I'm still fighting.
I'm trying to forgive my parents and my brother like Christ taught us even if it's really hard and most of all I keep praying for their souls because they understand what they did and they can repent of their sins.
I think pain got me a stronger person, a more sensitive one in front of other's pain (I confess that I own inside a fire of love for anyone in need that never has been extincted; in a part of my life I thought Christ was calling me to be a nun and I talked with my pastor and a nun about it but they discouraged me to take this way).
I can say Who get a strong faith can survive the worst of the disaster because they know that God don't give them a weight they can't bear.
I can only say to be a lucky person because if God is letting me have such great pains to me, not only I'm very strong but great gifts are waiting for me in Heaven if I'll keep to be strong enough to follow Christ's path until the end of my life. I need to pray because this will happen.
Chris's path is very hard to follow and I falled down so many times I don't remember but what it's important is to always raise up and keep walking. I tried everyday of my life to drive away all the temptations from me and to folow the Gospel teachings so that they can help me to take always the right decisions.
Thanks for reading so far and hoping my testimony of faith can help other people in pain like me.
