M
MonicaR
Guest
With Easter approaching, this day means more to me now than it had in the past. I live a life with hope now that i've opened up my heart to Jesus. Before coming to Christ, i was a drug addict, in a abusive relationships, and suffered from severe anxiety. I started using drugs, around 14yrs old, started out smoking weed, then moved on to hard drugs, and quickly became addicted, for a good 15yrs i used, and ran the streets, been to jail more times than my family knows. I don't even recognize who I was when I was high. I did so many bad things and have hurt a lot of people. I hated myself then. I was physically abused for a long time, those were my most lonely times, I felt very alone, but looking back now, I see even through all those times, God was with me, he kept me alive when I was getting the breath choked out of me. It was bad. In 2009 I had become sober on my own and after having my last baby, things just seemed to go down hill very quickly, I was just trying to care for my kids, and I believe the devil took that opportunity to attack my mind, I started having severe anxiety attacks, like really scary. I felt like I couldn't breath, like I was suffocating, I was afraid to leave my house, and I didn't even want to hold my new baby anymore. I was doubting God was even real, and that was really hard to deal with. Everyday seemed like it was the end. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Then one day I had went to my aunts house and talked to her about how scared I was, she told me that maybe God was calling me, that he was just waiting for me to turn to him. And, I felt it in my heart, but then doubt crept back in and I didn't know what to do I just wanted to feel normal again. The next night i had another bad anxiety attack, it scared me so much, but instead of panicking, I prayed and I opened up my heart to the Lord and took that leap of faith and gave it all to him. That was in January 2010, and since then my faith has grown, I don't suffer from anxiety like I used to anymore, my husband who was the one abusing me, has dedicated his life to serving the Lord too, I'm sober, and I feel the Lord's peace and love in my life now. It's amazing how much your life can change when you become a follower of the Lord. When I'm dealt with problems with my family or with finances, I don't feel alone anymore, I know God will get me through it. My only regret is I took so long to make this life changing choice. I still don't know why I held onto that destructive lifestyle for so long, I feel that nothing compares to the love of the Lord, I am so happy i've found my way.
