K
Up to the age of five I grew up with my mum and brother. My mum was always joyful and had been going to church since she was a teenager and I believe this early influence helped a lot later on. My mum and biological father divorced when I was barely a year old so i had absolutely no memory of him. I also knew nothing about the man except his name.
When I was about 6, my mum remarried. she was really in love with this guy and after being on the dole (domestic benefit) with small two children in a very unsafe poor neighborhood, everyone viewed this guy as a blessing. He went to church at the time, lived in a nice neighborhood, had a good job. And was loving back. Being a child at the time, I did not always understand what was going on but I caught on very quick that my step father was very strict and very controlling. Throughout my childhood, because of my lack of physical father, my mum always told me that God was my daddy and that he could do a better job than any real dad. Although I didnt notice it til my teens, my stepfather had over a period of years been a little more and more demanding and controlling and abusive. He sought to isolate us, my mum was often beaten for refusing to give up her job as a nurse, and my brother and I were not allowed to have any friends who were coloured or foreign in anyway (we did anyway
). He was only loving by his terms. If we did not meet those terms then we were terrorised for days with unpredictable and frequent beatings. As I grew into a young woman, he started noticing me more but in a very innappropriate light. He used my mother working night shifts at the hospital as a chance to watch me and on a few occasions tried to touch me.
But, thankfully, I started joining a few clubs that wereassociated with the nearby church. By this stage I had not gone to church since I was five and had only read my bible in the past 10 years. I was allowed to do these activities as it gave my stepfatherthe image of a good father with children in respectful groups. But pretty quick after that, I started sneaking out in order to go to an old anglican church just to experience church and for two blessed hours a week I got to experience prayer and worship with elderly men and women who loved me unconditionally, and treated me like one of their granchildren. I was baptised soon after and I was allowed to go to church openly. But the more I grew in christ, the more I knew how the way my mother and brother were being treated was wrong. I had been 'trained' as a small child to fear my stepfather and for months I prayed to God to take it away and be strong. and it happened. After a long time of of being touched without my permission, I finally yelled - In the name of Jesus Christ you will NEVER touch me again. That was when I was 14. Although after that I was never touched again, the emotional abuse escalated to the point where I developed post traumatic stress syndrome from internally dealing with it all. Although it was incrediably painful to go through, my relationship with Jesus deepened as I found praying helped me focus on things like my physical health, my school work and my spiritual strength.
I ended up leaving home in my senior year of highschool and lived at first in a womens shelter and later with friends all while achieving decent exam marks and getting into university. I believe to this day I would not be alive if it werent for the holy spirit whom I felt protecting me at all times. Having all this happen to me just makes me love my true dad even more. I am happy to say also that my mother has started going to church for the first time in 15 years.
I now study occupational therapy and have come to be even more grateful of being healed of my PTSD and how lucky I am not to be angry at men - for God placed godly men in my life to show me how a real man treats a woman. I aim in the future for using my qualifications with my church in my hometown for rehabiliating women and children out of domestic violence and helping them find true unconditional love in God.
Gosh I hope this wasnt too long or boring..
When I was about 6, my mum remarried. she was really in love with this guy and after being on the dole (domestic benefit) with small two children in a very unsafe poor neighborhood, everyone viewed this guy as a blessing. He went to church at the time, lived in a nice neighborhood, had a good job. And was loving back. Being a child at the time, I did not always understand what was going on but I caught on very quick that my step father was very strict and very controlling. Throughout my childhood, because of my lack of physical father, my mum always told me that God was my daddy and that he could do a better job than any real dad. Although I didnt notice it til my teens, my stepfather had over a period of years been a little more and more demanding and controlling and abusive. He sought to isolate us, my mum was often beaten for refusing to give up her job as a nurse, and my brother and I were not allowed to have any friends who were coloured or foreign in anyway (we did anyway
). He was only loving by his terms. If we did not meet those terms then we were terrorised for days with unpredictable and frequent beatings. As I grew into a young woman, he started noticing me more but in a very innappropriate light. He used my mother working night shifts at the hospital as a chance to watch me and on a few occasions tried to touch me. But, thankfully, I started joining a few clubs that wereassociated with the nearby church. By this stage I had not gone to church since I was five and had only read my bible in the past 10 years. I was allowed to do these activities as it gave my stepfatherthe image of a good father with children in respectful groups. But pretty quick after that, I started sneaking out in order to go to an old anglican church just to experience church and for two blessed hours a week I got to experience prayer and worship with elderly men and women who loved me unconditionally, and treated me like one of their granchildren. I was baptised soon after and I was allowed to go to church openly. But the more I grew in christ, the more I knew how the way my mother and brother were being treated was wrong. I had been 'trained' as a small child to fear my stepfather and for months I prayed to God to take it away and be strong. and it happened. After a long time of of being touched without my permission, I finally yelled - In the name of Jesus Christ you will NEVER touch me again. That was when I was 14. Although after that I was never touched again, the emotional abuse escalated to the point where I developed post traumatic stress syndrome from internally dealing with it all. Although it was incrediably painful to go through, my relationship with Jesus deepened as I found praying helped me focus on things like my physical health, my school work and my spiritual strength.
I ended up leaving home in my senior year of highschool and lived at first in a womens shelter and later with friends all while achieving decent exam marks and getting into university. I believe to this day I would not be alive if it werent for the holy spirit whom I felt protecting me at all times. Having all this happen to me just makes me love my true dad even more. I am happy to say also that my mother has started going to church for the first time in 15 years.
I now study occupational therapy and have come to be even more grateful of being healed of my PTSD and how lucky I am not to be angry at men - for God placed godly men in my life to show me how a real man treats a woman. I aim in the future for using my qualifications with my church in my hometown for rehabiliating women and children out of domestic violence and helping them find true unconditional love in God.
Gosh I hope this wasnt too long or boring..
