My wife is having a breakdown

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As Dear Abby used to say, no one can take advantage of you without your permission.
 
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Pray for my friend Tony's Mother, she is in the hospital in serious condition --- She is 82.
Thanks and have a blessed Holiday Season everyone.
Daniel
 
Curious to know how Larry, you, and your wife Nancy are doing in regards to this issue.

Also, I do not recall you saying whether Larry's ileostomy is temporary?
 
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
—2 Corinthians 1:3-4
 
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tourist said:
I lost my mom May 2019. Sorry for your loss and will pray for resolution regarding your brother Larry.
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My Father was murdered July 17, 1993 ---- home invasion in Lakeland FL. One was the boyfriend of the lady my Dad wanted to make his 18th wife.


I learned that part of the cause of his pain is soft drinks and candy. When he takes a walk, he spends $5 on pop and candy.
 
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TheLearner said:
My Brother Larry is at home from Colon Surgery with the bag.
My Wife and me are changing the bag. This has been stressful on both of us.
We want Larry to change his own bag. He refuses to do it.
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I know someone with a Colostomy bag. It isn't that easy to change by oneself.

If they don't align the bag opening correctly, they'll mess all over themselves the first movement they have.

Did you both agree to assume the duty of this care?
Did anyone make you aware of what this entailed beforehand?

If he has insurance, he may be able to have a home health aide take over. Worth a check.

My friend is married. He does the clean up when changing his bag. His wife has to assist with the new bags alignment and securing it to his person with the strap and such.

It's a horrible thing for someone to end up this vulnerable. Imagine how your brother feels. Imagine being in his place? Who really has it worse.
 
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Magenta said:
Why is that? It's been two months since his reversal. Is he receiving wound care?
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Yes, he is just healing poorly right now. He is not following doctor's orders after the reversal by drinking pop, not eating small means, eating too much sugar, greese, and so on. Thanks for praying for him.
 
Magenta said:
Why are you allowing his childish behavior to terrorize your wife and manipulate you? Larry should be counting his blessings for the life-saving surgery he has had, and consider the bag his temporary friend, not to mention being more grateful to you and your wife for taking him in in the first place, without putting too much responsibility on you. Does he at least empty it by himself? Does he rinse it out after emptying before closing it up again? Since you are allowing him to call the shots, I wonder if he is laying down or at least reclined when you change his bag, and also how often you change it. Do you use adhesive removers and skin prep powder? I wonder too if he could get some kind of medical counselling and extra guidance around this. There really is no legitimate reason for Larry not to change his own bag himself if he is physically capable. Otherwise it is purely a phycological hindrance, and an extra unnecessary burden on you and your wife.
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Ouch. That was painful to read. We need to have compassion and empathy. The man is the one with the bag. He's been through something traumatic and some people suffer worse than others. You do not know Larry or his situation. Saying things like 'terrorise' and 'manipulate' and 'childish behaviour' are total guesses, slanders, and there should be no place for such cold talk in a Christian forum.
We as Christians grow through our suffering. James 1. We should count it as joy.
 
Beebee7 said:
Ouch. That was painful to read. We need to have compassion and empathy. The man is the one with the bag. He's been through something traumatic and some people suffer worse than others. You do not know Larry or his situation. Saying things like 'terrorise' and 'manipulate' and 'childish behaviour' are total guesses, slanders, and there should be no place for such cold talk in a Christian forum.
We as Christians grow through our suffering. James 1. We should count it as joy.
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No we neither know the person or his exact situation but when my daughter was 21 years old due to radiation (intended to shrink an inoperable tumor) destroyed her internals and she had to have surgeries and ended up with double nephrostomy (one for each kidney) and a colostomy (for stool).

The mental aspect of this for a beautiful young married woman was devastating... She used to cry because of it.

But she changed everything herself, even in the hospital. It just took more time than before to "use the bathroom" since it was all about draining and changing bags.

She did it in horrible pain, sick with chemo and radiation, in tears because of the mental aspect . But she did it. Not anyone else.

I would sit in the bathroom with her when she was at her sickest, but she wouldn't even let me help, I was just company.

She ended up after all that dying anyway, but she was strong and did it all in the hope of living for her babies (of which she had two).

So it's very difficult to conceive of someone who won't take care of themselves when they have the ability.
 
Hazelelponi said:
No we neither know the person or his exact situation but when my daughter was 21 years old due to radiation (intended to shrink an inoperable tumor) destroyed her internals and she had to have surgeries and ended up with double nephrostomy (one for each kidney) and a colostomy (for stool).

The mental aspect of this for a beautiful young married woman was devastating... She used to cry because of it.

But she changed everything herself, even in the hospital. It just took more time than before to "use the bathroom" since it was all about draining and changing bags.

She did it in horrible pain, sick with chemo and radiation, in tears because of the mental aspect . But she did it. Not anyone else.

I would sit in the bathroom with her when she was at her sickest, but she wouldn't even let me help, I was just company.

She ended up after all that dying anyway, but she was strong and did it all in the hope of living for her babies (of which she had two).

So it's very difficult to conceive of someone who won't take care of themselves when they have the ability.
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I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved daughter :cry:

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With Deepest Sympathy
 
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