K
KDiamond
Guest
Please pray for me. I am suffering depression that I have never experienced before because I am so disgusted by myself. I've always felt I have a very close relationship with The Lord he has always heard my prayers and never neglected me. I love The Lord very much and I am grateful for his blessings. Though lately I feel the devil is fighting harder to deceive me and prey on my desires. For the past year I have been praying for financial stability the toll of not being able to sustain financially has been over bearing for my husband who I married less then a year ago. He is not saved but says he believes in God but lacks any spiritual commitment. Lack of money stressed him out so much that he can't see the blessings God has giving us. I prayed for years that he would give his heart to The Lord but to no avail. I have constantly reassured him that God will take care of our financial needs. I have never really stressed about money or really prayed for money until I saw how the lack of it effects him. For the past year I have started praying for finances mostly in the hope of making him a believer. Well God is so good and merciful that he has always provided and I know he hears my prayer but the devil has been listening to my desires as well. Lately the devil has been tempting me to try alternative methods for getting money. Some how I came across a gambling website. I was a little hesitant at first but I was feeling compelled because of my earthly desires. I lost and I lost it made me depressed so much that I started drinking and occasionally having a cigarette. I still prayed constantly but didn't feel like God was pleased with me at all. Then one day I tried my luck and won. I won big $60,000. I was so overwhelmed and thankful my prayers has been answered I instantly changed my life around I spent every moment giving thanks and stopped doing anything that I felt might be unpleasing to God. I felt so close to God I wanted to eat sleep and breath God every second of the day. I told my husband and he was still a little resistant but was considering being more open to giving God a chance. I had so much hope and my future looked clear for me my husband and my son. Then something happened I don't know why it did it was my worst nightmare. I still don't know how this is possible but the devil got in my ear. He told me to keep playing and I'll win more. I followed everything else God was telling me but why didn't I hear him say stop gambling. I'm so stupid! I still can't explain the relentless urge that came over me to keep playing. In less then an hour I lost everything, Everything! I still feel like God is with me I am so close to him right now I can't stop telling people how good he is but I am so hurt and broken I want to just punch myself. I kept apologising to God for destroying his blessing. Ive been in a deep depression ever since. I have to go to the bathroom at work to pray several times a day because I need strength. The other day after praying in the bathroom and begging for forgiveness and for him to please reconsider blessing me again, he spoke to me and said 'that wasn't from me'. Then I realised it was the devil he was the one who dangled money in front of me he's the reason I find myself so destroyed. I understand now but I'm still very depressed. I haven't told my husband I lost the money. I have stayed in prayer but I have never sunk to such a low depression. I need help I don't know how we're going to get by now. I'm to embarrassed to talk to anyone about my situation and I feel like a failure. I'm just praying for help and strength I feel so alone and miserable I don't know what to do. I hope that some how some way my finances will increase I learned a valuable lesson never ever even consider gambling again but how do I overcome the desire to have money that I am truly in need of?
With love and blessings,
With love and blessings,