need some advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jullianna
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jullianna

Guest
I have a friend in her 30s, a nurse, very bright and fun....but...she dresses like a 13 year old, doesn't know how to use makeup or do anything with her hair. She's lonely and would like to date, but guys don't take her seriously.

Her parents are coming in from another country before long. She's been working on her house, fixing things up. She says her parents don't take her seriously either...

I would very much like to do an intervention makeover...show her how adorable she could be in age appropriate clothes, hair, EYEBROW care and a light touch of makeup. I think she'd be interested because I've noticed that she started doing her nails like mine. So....should I offer? Will I hurt her feelings? What would you do?

I really think it would be helpful to her, but I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings in any way.
 
I don't think it would hurt her feelings if done in a loving manner . Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 (world English bible) If we do everything in love then God will be with us in each and every situation and will see to it that we get though everything we do in the best way possible.
 
Maybe you can suggest a day in which both of you do something about your cloth and makeup, like a "day of beauty" like a way to spend some hours together as friends and i think that if you accept her opinion about your hair or your cloth then she will be more than willing to accept your advices.

But in my opinion, your friend needs more than a makeup because the way of how we dress express a lot of how we feel inside, maybe the extreme makeover needs to be done inside of her heart, maybe you need to give her more or maybe help her healing something. But, well, maybe im just having a lot of imagination here :D
 
Can you describe how she dresses? I'm picturing torn jeans, flourescent-colored tank tops over black t-shirts and a colorful bandanna with big, wavy hair.
 
Yeah help her out, the little things you do out of care and love mean more than you think. Oh, and make it fun. God bless
P.S. Am sure it won't hurt her.
 
You could approach it in a light manner, saying something like: "Hey, did you ever think of doing your hair like this? I think it would look great on you." or " I think you'd look great in this type of clothes." and develop it from there in a friendly honest manner. People tend to refuse opinions and get hurt when they feel the other person looks down on them, otherwise it should be ok.
 
You mention that you do not want to hurt her feelings.
Would your feelings be hurt if someone approached you with a make-over offer?

Accept her for who she is, outwards and inwards. If she is not complaining about it then I don't see the issue.
She is loved the way she is. If a man doesn't see her beauty then he is blind. Her beauty is seen by those that see it.

God Bless.
 
She is actually complaining about it, as I said. :( She knows that people don't take her seriously, but she doesn't understand why. As to whether it would hurt my feelings, HOW it was done and WHY would make all the difference. If I felt that someone was truly trying to help me out of love, it would be a completely different thing. My intent is not to CHANGE the person she is, but to help her gain the confidence she's searching for. She is trusting me enough to ask me why people treat her like a wierdo, so I need to find a way to help her without hurting her. :(

Gabe: EXAMPLE, the other day she was dressed almost like a cartoon witch from a kid's show. She had on a dress with HUGE bright purple/lavendar stripes with black leotards and freaky witch boots.

LIZ and GOD IS LOVE: I think your ideas are great. :) Thank you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
My initial thoughts were the same as Natalie's above, but after reading your description I think someone should definitely say something. If you could get a guy friend of hers to tell her it would be better than coming from a woman friend.
 
I agree with ZeroTurbulence, it might be better if she had a guy friend tell her since that is crowd that she is trying to impress (other than her parents). I definitely think that kind of attire is not suitable and should be remedied (sp). I admit to dressing twice my age instead of my own age, but there are certain things I know I have to change about my appearance in order to be presentable to a certain group of people.
 
Psh, she sounds awesome, some guys would like the way she dresses and if she is only going to attract certain guys through her looks then she doesn't want to attract that type of guy!
 
I have a stylist friend with her own salon who has noooooo problem with telling people who come in what she thinks would look good on them in a fun way (or attacking their eyebrows haha), and she's VERY right most of the time. I'm going to put a gift certificate in a card to my nurse friend telling her I know she's really stressed out about her folks coming and thought she might like to take a little time for herself. :) I think this is something best left to a pro.

For the clothes thing, I'm thinking just asking her to go shopping with me would be helpful. I need some things for warmer weather too. TurtleShell, I understand where you're coming from. I have to dress a particular way due to my work atmosphere if I want to be taken seriously by clients and co-workers, and save the fun stuff for my own time. :)

I get the feeling someone at the hospital has her attention and she wants to make some changes :)
 
Usually folks do things for a reason. Might wanna find out why she does what she does. Like folks who don't talk to anyone, may not be snobs, they may have been hurt by folks. So before one would go telling them they need to talk to folks more, they should find out if there is any hurt behind what they are doing..

So what I'm saying is, find out if there is any pain/hurt/past behind the way she dresses.
 
Stilly, having known her so well for a couple of years now, I think she's been hiding from the world. She was abused by an ex-husband, as was her son. She's also a brainiac type who seemingly was never really interested in girlie stuff before now, but I think someone where she works has gotten her attention and I really think she'd like to know how to get his. :) The stylist I'm talking about is a very fun person too and I think maybe doing this in a jovial spirit from a pro might be the most effective/anti-hurtful way to help.

With God's help, there has to be a way to help her and protect her at the same time. She's regaining her confidence now and I think this will help her. Women are kinda like that. The way we feel about the way we look goes a long way toward our confidence levels. It shouldn't, I know, but..the reality is that societal pressures cause us to definitely tie the two together even when we deny it.
 
That's what I thought. Most of us ask for their opinions anyway...if we're smart. ;) And this one is very funny, so I'm absolutely certain she won't be offended.
 
May try it this way... tell her you want to give her a makeover for her parents visit. So that way you can do all these things, but instead of making her feel 'you have a problem' you're coming across more as a gift before her parents get there. Or maybe do a 'girls night out'. Some effect like that possibly. That way it may be less embarssing for her and you both than just saying 'ok we know you need help and i want to fix you'.
 
Ugly, I've been thinking about it and I think maybe that's why she trusted me enough to ask the question. In our own ways she and I have something a little broken for different reasons, you know?

I love her just the way she is. For me, her quirkiness is one of the things I love about her. But it hurts me to see that it's hurting her. And maybe she can help me too...

I don't want to tell her anything or even offer suggestions. Who am I to do that? I think if we go shopping together, see more options and allow her to see what's out there and how it's put together, she's a brilliant lady who wll see that she can keep quirky in a more adult way. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back