need to find Jesus

  • Thread starter Thread starter wayne309
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wayne309

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After many years of what I thought was an exemplary life of Christian service, about 10 years ago I finally realized that I am not saved and not even normal. I do not know how to find Jesus. I have asked God ever since I was little to help me get the 'want to' in my life, but it's never been there. So, I blame Him for my lack of 'want to' and all the stupid things I've done.

I have only loved darkness my whole life. Now, I see it for what it is and was. I have always been a dirtbag. However, I did not see it at the time; I just had a vague dim understanding that I was not normal. I am a monster on the inside, and I don't know how to put Jesus in charge because I have not one natural affection. God only knows how I am still alive.

How do you put the 'want to' for Jesus into a person who has only ever been a moral reprobate of the worst sort? There is absolutely NO excuse for me. I'm just evil, and do not know how to get the evil desires out.

Please help.
 
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