need understanding

[Shilo]

I asked the Lord why I was not healed. I asked him to lead me to a passage in his word that would help me understand. I heard the Holy Spirit say John. I open the Bible and there was John 5:36 But I have a greater witness then John. I could not help but cry. It was like the Lord said to me what I say about you is more true than what John could say. John is my ex-husband and I do not believe he ever loved me it was all about control. Apart of me believes that I deserved all that he did to me. I do know that it is also my fault because I did not respect myself enough to get out of the marriage or never have enter it in the first place. I sometimes think he was a divine punishment for me. So how can I hold anything against him. Before I married him my mother said he was not the man for me. She said my relationship with him would not last more than 7 years. She gave that prophecy over our relationship and it ended after 7 years. Everything happens for a reasons. I feel God punished me through John. So If John is the reason I am not healed is it unforgiveness? I feel I truly have forgiven him with all that I am. Yet I am in bondage because of him in some way. I do not understand please help me. I do want to be well.

 

[HoldingOn2013]

I don't believe God is "punishing" you. I believe God uses everything to teach us, good and bad. I know this may sound weird, but do you think you would be holding on to God or looking for him if you didn't have this happening to you, whatever it is? That is why Romans 5;1-5 is my favorite. Here is the scripture and I hope it makes sense to you.

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we are justified ([a]acquitted, declared righteous, and given a right standing with God) through faith, let us [grasp the fact that we] have [the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
2 Through Him also we have [our] access (entrance, introduction) by faith into this grace (state of God’s favor) in which we [firmly and safely] stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God.
3 Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
4 And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of [c]character (approved faith and [d]tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] [e]joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.
5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

 

[tenderhearted]

Why would you think that God would be punishing you? When God sees you he is pleased with you. Anything that you have ever done wrong in the past or even in the future is forgiven. Maybe you did pick a poor choice of a husband, but you did the right thing by staying married at the time because the bible states that God hates divorce. Obviously if he was abusive and did not want to get help for himself then a divorce was necessary. The bible also mentions that a covenant is not easily broken because when you marry God is also a part of that covenant. It's a three strand cord. This is why you feel this wound. However, God is still pleased with you. As far as what your mother said to you I don't agree with that because even if he was a poor choice of a husband, she should be speaking life into your marriage. By telling you that your marriage wasn't going to last was speaking death into you marriage. No disrespect to your mother because I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt you. However, once you got married your choice of a husband needed to be respected. I commend you for forgiving your ex- husband.

 

[psychomom]

An elder of our church once said 'God hates divorce' because it harms His little ones.
It causes pain and suffering, and it hurts.

Perhaps the Lord was trying to tell you (through the verse you quoted) that there is a witness in your suffering (through the illness)
that is greater than being well?

I think 'being forgiven' for divorce is a very hard thing for believers to accept.
It is freely given...God forgives us all...but we oftentimes refuse to accept that.
I began to ask myself,
what is more offensive---being divorced, or not agreeing with God that I am forgiven?

hope that's somewhat helpful, Shilo. ♥
praying for you,
-ellie

 

[Shilo]

Thank you both for you words of kindness

 

[Shilo]

thank you Ellie, you must have been making your note the same time as me. I know the Lord came to give us peace ( make us whole). I am just waiting for it to be real in my life.

 

[psychomom]

I think it's a matter of faith?

As in, it's a done deal...He came to give us peace, and He has done it.
But, just as you say, it has to 'become our reality'.
Peace with God is precisely what we receive as believers. ♥
Maybe it's more difficult to make peace with ourselves?
The flesh is just so tenacious.
Knowing we're dead to it...that's peaceful. ♥

You are 'hid with Christ in God', though.
That's for sure. ♥

love you, Shilo!


1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Rom. 5)

 

[Tommy4Christ]

I asked the Lord why I was not healed. I asked him to lead me to a passage in his word that would help me understand. I heard the Holy Spirit say John. I open the Bible and there was John 5:36 But I have a greater witness then John. I could not help but cry. It was like the Lord said to me what I say about you is more true than what John could say. John is my ex-husband and I do not believe he ever loved me it was all about control. Apart of me believes that I deserved all that he did to me. I do know that it is also my fault because I did not respect myself enough to get out of the marriage or never have enter it in the first place. I sometimes think he was a divine punishment for me. So how can I hold anything against him. Before I married him my mother said he was not the man for me. She said my relationship with him would not last more than 7 years. She gave that prophecy over our relationship and it ended after 7 years. Everything happens for a reasons. I feel God punished me through John. So If John is the reason I am not healed is it unforgiveness? I feel I truly have forgiven him with all that I am. Yet I am in bondage because of him in some way. I do not understand please help me. I do want to be well.

I want to encourage you to seek God with all your heart and soul, your healing will come from within, from the power of God to set you free from the bondage your ex has on you.

God is not punishing you, we all have made many unwise decisions in our life, but that is in the past, so repent of all known sin and disobedience, do not stay in a church that tells you it was your fault, or they do not preach repentance and faith proven by deeds.

Yes God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, BUT you have your part to do in the matter, God will not go against anyones will, and His mercy is abundant for the humble and repentant heart. Your ex has his own demons to repent of, and I pray he does,judgement day is near, these are the days of Noah, God is patient now, waiting for his disobedient creation to repent on the scale of Nineveh, seek His mercy, and stop playing church, get real towards Him and His truth!

The LORD takes pleasure in those that fear him!​

Psa 147:11 The LORD takes pleasure in those that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.​

The fear of the Lord is downplayed in Christian circles today, and many will take offense when you tell them to repent, stop sinning, and seek the mercy of God through fear, respect, awe, and reverence of His awesome power over sin, temptation and the devil!
Now this fear can be taken in and out of context:
H3372
ירא
yârê'
yaw-ray'
A primitive root; to fear; morally to revere; causatively to frighten: - affright, be (make) afraid, dread (-ful), (put in) fear (-ful, -fully, -ing). (be had in) reverence (-end), X see, terrible (act, -ness, thing).
So in one way the fear of the Lord causes the broken soul to fall on their face before His majesty, in humble repentance, a real and genuine repentance that cannot be faked or mistaken for the weak confess and believe message being sold by the truck loads throughout the apostate system of lies!
The Lord takes pleasure in those who humbly fear Him, and His great power to send them into perdition unless they respect this fear, which is not the fear of a daunting parent who scolds their wayward child one minute, than overlooks their continued disobedience.
The fear of God doesn’t wink at sin and disobedience! It causes a true repentant soul to tremble at His awe and power, never take His mercy and grace in vain, by assuming He overlooks sin and disobedience.
His mercy and grace is selective and only goes out to the one who has forsaken their evil ways and thoughts, and have come to the mercy seat, not taking this mercy for granted.
To fear God is to love God, and never assume anything from Him, as we deny ungodliness and worldly lusts of the flesh, then live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present age!
Psa 33:18 Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;
Tommy

 

[kenisyes]

Shilo, what are you not healed of?

I'm sure you will pray before you respond. I looked at your bio and threads started. I suspect God has many ways to phrase the answer.

 

[shekaniah]

Shilo,

Here are a few Pslams...

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


Claim his promises and do not faint...

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 30:26
The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.


You and your hubby are in my prayers
Love and big hugs, Shekaniah

 

[piper27]

what is more offensive---being divorced, or not agreeing with God that I am forgiven?

-ellie

Wow Ellie!
Very powerful message here!
Blessings.

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Be patient in the Lord. His timing is perfect and he always gives you the answers at his perfect timing Shilo. Thank him for everything the good and the bad and try try try to have complete faith that if you are his child and that he loves you and if you have asked Jesus into your heart as your personal savior he DOES indeed have a plan for your life and he WILL bring it to fruition to life within you. Trust him. Remember our choices have consequences and this could be the consequences of picking a man to marry that YOU wanted to marry not the one our Lord wanted you to marry and that maybe he picked that John up and he moved him right out of your life and now is when you are going to start seeing the Lord move really big in your life. I will keep you in my prayers sweetie and I know that life will get better for you if only you keep turning to our Lord even if you don't understand. God Bless you Shilo.

 

[Shilo]

I thank you all for your words of encouragement and knowledge. The knife in my chest is hard to explain to people. I did write a 2 page note about it to you all but what would that help nothing. It would just go over what brought me here and that really is not the point. So here is the short and sweet.
I had never known love growing up and when I finely thought I understood that someone loved me and that someone being Yeshua. I put all my heart and soul in to going to church and learning. When I was a teenager I believed all the teaching that I had learned. When the church let me be baptized. I was told by my mentor at the church that after I was baptized. The Lord would reveal his plan for my life. I waited all church service and nothing happened. So after church I went out into the parking lot and asked God what his plan was I only heard deathly silence. I do now understand that what I did was prideful, arrogant, self exalting and lacking in knowledge of the Lord. The heart of a 15 year old only knows even God does not love me.
The day that I was baptized is the day I pray would stop giving gifts I don’t want. The day I got baptized and there was no god that I was told about. He did not answer when I called. So when I told him you were not there for me I will not be there for you and I will find love if it kills me well it has.
Now I try hard to learn about Eohim. I think I have learned a lot and try and walk in the safety of his word but YHVH he alludes me.
I am blessed and I do know it to be true. In 2008 the Lord gave me a vision that I still do not understand. It is hard for me to understand God reaching out to me now when I could not find him all of those years. I reached out to him with all my heart at 15 and if this was not so I would not have carried this all of these years.
Why would God want me now when he did not want me then?
I want to trust him but he can be like absentee father. Now he is here but what about tomorrow?
I have heard the Lord and he just keeps saying the same things:
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
Love
Do not compare yourself to other people
Let it go
You are not alone
How do you let something go that has been with you for 26 years. It is the very knife that holds me in place. It is the thorn in my flesh
The mercy and grace I have been given his so hard to trust because it is here now but I do not know when it will turn and I will lose my footing.

Keisyes, I did read over some of the things I worte and a few hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you

 

[kenisyes]

Shilo, there is such a simple answer, I'm surprised you have missed it. You know about Yeshuah in a way very few people do. I have to remember to get back to the three Hebrew letters on the shroud; that's awesomely fascinating. Look for a post, if I can find it again. Do you think that if He had told you the vision of how you would see Him now, when you were 15, you could have processed it? That's your answer; what could not come in words has had to come through painstaking study and gradual revelation. He has called you cover new ground, unknown before in the Body. Have you entered your deliverance ministry yet? Do you have Messianic Jews to talk to? Have you mastered blowing the shofar prophetically? Do you build a sukkah every year yet? I'm just scratching the surface, some of the more obvious things I can see. It's not that you didn't hear Him at age 15. It's that it could not have registered in words you did not know at that age.

We have a prophet in our prayer group. God found him a wife, soon after he was saved. He had to go to Brazil, with several miracles getting him there, to find her. When God raised him to his ministry of prophecy, she chose to leave him. This happens frequently. Read I cor. 9:5 in Greek, and understand what it says. "Lead about", not "be joined with". "Sister wife", not "wife", and then recall there is neither male nor female in Christ. As your ministry started to appear, your husband probably could not handle it. If I read Scripture correctly, God will get you a new one in time. Jump in with both feet, and find out fully who you are called to be in Jesus.

Have you shared that 2008 vision with anyone?

Read my questions again. The word He told you is true. You are not alone.

 

[Shilo]

I have moved to Texas so just getting settled into the new church. I have one friend I talk to she lives so far away in Georgia . I do not have a ministry, I have tried some but do not see where I belong yet. I would say out of all I have tried I like talking to the homeless and then when I went to help the elderly. They were fulfilling in there own way but my heart fills something is still missing. I do celebrate all the feasts. I can’t say that I have mastered blowing the shofar prophetically but I am getting better with the shofar in my home. Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors know what that sound is. I have share the vision with one person. I call it a vision because I do not know what else to call it. It was more of a journey that the LORD lead me on. He showed me things and then when I got to the place called the sanctuary my car had a bright light shine down on it, but most of the whole vision or journey was audible. I will send it to you.

 

[HoldingOn2013]

I have moved to Texas so just getting settled into the new church. I have one friend I talk to she lives so far away in Georgia . I do not have a ministry, I have tried some but do not see where I belong yet. I would say out of all I have tried I like talking to the homeless and then when I went to help the elderly. They were fulfilling in there own way but my heart fills something is still missing. I do celebrate all the feasts. I can’t say that I have mastered blowing the shofar prophetically but I am getting better with the shofar in my home. Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors know what that sound is. I have share the vision with one person. I call it a vision because I do not know what else to call it. It was more of a journey that the LORD lead me on. He showed me things and then when I got to the place called the sanctuary my car had a bright light shine down on it, but most of the whole vision or journey was audible. I will send it to you.

Send me an email. I live in TX too and I have not gone to any church in a while. It would be nice to find a good church to go to. We prob live too far apart, but maybe we can go thru this together...

God Bless

 

[kenisyes]

I wish we could do a poll, so you could see how rare your post is. How many CC'ers celebrate all the feasts, understand what a shofar is, let alone to blow it prophetically, and have had such experiences as your 2004 happenings in your bio. You need a broader definition of what ministry is. I will await receiving the vision. I don't want to risk posting the ideas I have in public.

 

[pickles]

Shilo, ellie said so much truth, actually many here did.
I understand the health stuff, as it took me a while to understand how the abuse I knew growing up contributed to my health issues.
Forgivness is a biggy, I did not realise how much I not only needed to forgive myself, but Jesus helped me to see I needed to forgive Him.
I had prayed so much for my father to be healed, and he nver was, so ddp in my heart I felt that God had failed me.
Of course I knew he nver had, and really didnt need forgivness, but my heart needed to forgive HIm, because it was my heart that felt broken and let down.
Jesus helped me to find those hidden places that I needed to forgive,and Jesus will help you to.
Ill be praying for you and all healing in Jesus Christ is Lord.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

 

[psychomom]

I thank you all for your words of encouragement and knowledge. The knife in my chest is hard to explain to people. I did write a 2 page note about it to you all but what would that help nothing. It would just go over what brought me here and that really is not the point. So here is the short and sweet.
I had never known love growing up and when I finely thought I understood that someone loved me and that someone being Yeshua. I put all my heart and soul in to going to church and learning. When I was a teenager I believed all the teaching that I had learned. When the church let me be baptized. I was told by my mentor at the church that after I was baptized. The Lord would reveal his plan for my life. I waited all church service and nothing happened. So after church I went out into the parking lot and asked God what his plan was I only heard deathly silence. I do now understand that what I did was prideful, arrogant, self exalting and lacking in knowledge of the Lord. The heart of a 15 year old only knows even God does not love me.
The day that I was baptized is the day I pray would stop giving gifts I don’t want. The day I got baptized and there was no god that I was told about. He did not answer when I called. So when I told him you were not there for me I will not be there for you and I will find love if it kills me well it has.
Now I try hard to learn about Eohim. I think I have learned a lot and try and walk in the safety of his word but YHVH he alludes me.
I am blessed and I do know it to be true. In 2008 the Lord gave me a vision that I still do not understand. It is hard for me to understand God reaching out to me now when I could not find him all of those years. I reached out to him with all my heart at 15 and if this was not so I would not have carried this all of these years.
Why would God want me now when he did not want me then?
I want to trust him but he can be like absentee father. Now he is here but what about tomorrow?
I have heard the Lord and he just keeps saying the same things:
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
Love
Do not compare yourself to other people
Let it go
You are not alone
How do you let something go that has been with you for 26 years. It is the very knife that holds me in place. It is the thorn in my flesh
The mercy and grace I have been given his so hard to trust because it is here now but I do not know when it will turn and I will lose my footing.

Keisyes, I did read over some of the things I worte and a few hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you

Shilo, I was a teen when the Lord made me know I was His (though I think I had been His for a very long time...I just cannot remember a day I didn't believe Jesus is Lord, Who came in the flesh, was crucified for my sin and raised to glory...)
I had no church to go to, but some people whom I babysat for gave me a Bible. In it I read with my (also) 15 yo mind that if you ask for something in Jesus' Name, He will give it to you. I was spending my summer in MI as I always did, and there was something I wanted as I had never wanted anything before. I asked in full confidence, childlike faith, and told my cousin that God is faithful and that I would receive it.
Imagine my surprise when His answer was 'no'.
It was just a trip out west with my cousin Terri...6 weeks of driving around and touring places like Yellowstone. She had planned the whole thing and would pay for it, and just wanted my company, (we are still close friends, though the fact she's 7 years older makes little difference now )
The decision was my mother's, and she sent my older sister in my place, as a sort of 'senior trip' for her. I think she regretted it, as she paid for me to go to Paris with some school friends when I was 18, but my trust in asking God for anything was demolished.
I had to unlearn all that instance taught me, for it was lies, and it took more than 25 years.

All that to say I can't imagine how you must have felt...my situation was mild...idk whether the person who told you God would reveal those things to you was wrong (it seems so, though) and I agree with Ken it wouldn't have been properly understood by a child's mind. It may even have been frightening, so I can see the love and mercy of God there. ♥

Do you see it isn't that He didn't want you, dear friend? The person who told you what would happen wasn't speaking for the Lord, obviously. It seems clear that God was loving and protecting you even then. How could you, as a child, have possibly understood that, though...none of it was your fault. I ponder sometimes how the Lord feels about our heart wounds...how would we, as parents, feel about our own little ones in that situation? Would we love them and love them and feel mercy and compassion for them? Would our hearts break for our daughter if we saw her in that place?
If my daughter truly believed I didn't love her (and this is happening in my life right now, as it happens ) what lengths would I go to to show her that's a lie?

As a fallen human being, I can only do so much,

but God.
God can use that heartbreak in ways we can't imagine. I believe He saw you searching for love and had compassion for that. I think He understands all the things we do when we don't know what we're doing.

At the end of the day, what we have for certain is His Word. I had to unlearn that He's not trustworthy, and now my message to everyone (I'm sure you've noticed) is
God is Faithful!
I see in His Word that He declares this to be true, and I stand on the grace I have received and just believe it. Maybe especially at the times it appears otherwise.
You have to know...oh surely you know...the Lord loves you! ♥
That triple citation in the Greek at Heb. 13:5 is just for you, Shilo..."I will never, no never, no never leave you or forsake you."
"So we say, with confidence, the LORD is my helper, I will not be afraid, what can man do to me?" (v. 6)

I had to learn to see the Word of God and believe He means it toward me. Do you believe God means what He says to everyone else? (I think you do, sweet Shilo. )

8 How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I surrender you, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart is turned over within Me,
All My compassions are kindled. (Hosea 11)

Put your name in place of Ehpraim and Israel, for He means it so. ♥

14 But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
And the Lord has forgotten me.” 15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child
And have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
16 “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.



The first time I read that I was nursing a baby.
And remember how there's always a physical reminder within your own body that you are nursing a child? How impossible it was to forget that?
'Even these may forget'...I think God has a special message there for mommas. ♥
Because if it's pretty impossible to forget you have a baby who's nursing, how much more impossible for God to 'forget' you.

Never, no never, no never. ♥
You are inscribed on the palms of His nail pierced hands.

love,
ellie