Needing advice--Dating a Non-Christian: Is it ever ok?

[Suzie2family]

So I've been wondering about this issue, should I date a non-christian or not? I've met so many Christians who were so self-righteous about themselves that they seemed snobbish and "holier-than-thou" which was a real turn off for me.

I am a strong christian but I am at a place in my life where I just don't accept that I've figured God all out 100% and have Him tucked into a neat little box anymore. I used to fit right in with the self-righteous crowd I guess, because it never used to bother me to hear people talking in "churchese" or "churchslang" Now it just seems so phony and forced, as if these real people who are all sinners just like I am are trying to act/look/seem better than the worldly crowd on the outside just by talking in some foreign language.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be critical here. I love the Lord with all of my heart and want to serve him, I just want to do it sincerely, not fake anymore.

It follows naturally for me then to consider dating a man who is humble enough to say honestly that he doesn't have God all figured out. I don't want to date a complete atheist, but on the other hand I don't want someone whose profile makes him look like a "saint" (in his own minds eyes).

Is there such a thing as a middle of the road? (Not meaning "luke warm") what would you advise to me?

 

[psymon23]

As an Atheist I think that it can work as long as both people are respectful of the others views even if they do not agree. Relationships are always full of compromise this would just be a different way to do so. As long as the person you date is a moral and upstanding member of the community then you can't go to far wrong. If I was dating a Christian Girl who didn't believe in sex before marriage and I was in love with this person, I'd make the compromise for her and wait.

 

[Fidelis]

As an Atheist I think that it can work as long as both people are respectful of the others views even if they do not agree. Relationships are always full of compromise this would just be a different way to do so. As long as the person you date is a moral and upstanding member of the community then you can't go to far wrong. If I was dating a Christian Girl who didn't believe in sex before marriage and I was in love with this person, I'd make the compromise for her and wait.

Exactly. I think that it shouldn't matter whether he's a christian or not, as long as he respects your christian standards and principles.

 

[violakat]

The Bible specifically says to not be unequally yoked. I know this sounds like a Churchy answer, but it's the truth. Now does this mean not to date someone who is not a Christian or only not marry someone who is not a Christian, that is something only God can tell you. I would just say be careful if you end up dating s non Christian, simply because it can pull you away from God if you do not guard your heart.

 

[DeepBlue1980]

Hi Suzie Ive been in a different boat to you as I've mostly dated non christians. It isnt easy and ive made choices where I have just gone along with things that I shouldnt have done. I'm not the best christian in the world but im thinking at least if you go through hard times with ur failth that ur partner will be there for you to help you along. If you want to chat anytime message me. All the best

 

[Ugly]

About the 'churchese' i think you're taking it totally wrong. think about it, what subculture Doesn't form its own slang? forming slang within a subculture helps to identify one another & more easily communicate ideas. its just the natural evolution of communication.

As far as your initial question even if you can't figure a solid 'right or wrong' how about 'is it wise?' Just because you can't find a direct scripture stating something is wrong doesn't mean its still smart to do. Does it really seem in the character of God that He would want you in a lifelong commitment to someone who denies Him & His Son? Just something to consider as you weigh out this decision.

 

[Ramon]

I hope I say this with the Charity of the Lord.

My friend, entering in this way can cause many sorrows. The Holy Spirit convicts anyone about any doubts they have. If you have any doubts then you will be acting in rebellion. So go to Jesus and ask, but when he speaks listen.

Again, entering in this way can cause many sorrows. Don't let your flesh lead you, let the Spirit of God lead you.

May Jesus bless you.

 

[niceguyJ]

Churchese? Call it what you want, but sometimes it's just stating what God's word says. I'm going to make this post without any apologies.
God's word is offensive to some. It has been and always will be.


2 Cor 6:
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

“Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. " - Jesus in Matthew 12:30

"Is there such a thing as a middle of the road? (Not meaning "luke warm") what would you advise to me?"

Middle of the road but not meaning lukewarm? There really is no middle ground. No.
I would advise you to find a man who works to put God first in his life but also realizes that the only good in himself is Jesus. Then he shoudn't be self-righteous.

Also to whoever said something about it being wrong to marry a non-believer but not sure about dating them. What is the point of "dating?" Shouldn't the same standard apply? I say yes absolutely.

 

[NukePooch]

About the 'churchese' i think you're taking it totally wrong. think about it, what subculture Doesn't form its own slang? forming slang within a subculture helps to identify one another & more easily communicate ideas. its just the natural evolution of communication.

Churchese? Call it what you want, but sometimes it's just stating what God's word says. I'm going to make this post without any apologies.
God's word is offensive to some. It has been and always will be.

I don't believe that was what Suzie was referring to in the original post...there are people who can talk Christianese but don't follow it up with correct action...their fruit is rotten or non-existent. So many 'Christians' claim to know God but have no clue. I know enough to know that I don't know anything at all about God. He is too much for me to even begin to comprehend. However, I think the people she was talking about think they've got God all figured out...if they go to church, volunteer, act like a Christian and speak like one, well that must be it, right?


YouTube - ‪BADD: Christianese‬‏


Suzie, to answer your question, yes there is 'middle of the road'...it's being a Pharisee. Those who honestly and truly love God KNOW they aren't worthy, and KNOW they will never be worthy. They KNOW that God gives to us flawed and sinful human beings because that's how great He is...not because we deserve it. The few who actually understand that they can't even begin to understand the greatness of God live entirely different lives from the masses of 'Christians' that are out in the world. I don't pretend to even be one of the few, but I am starting to begin to know that I truly don't know anything at all.

 

[Crypto]

Dating a non-Christian is never okay, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

 

[Ramon]

So I've been wondering about this issue, should I date a non-christian or not? I've met so many Christians who were so self-righteous about themselves that they seemed snobbish and "holier-than-thou" which was a real turn off for me.

I am a strong christian but I am at a place in my life where I just don't accept that I've figured God all out 100% and have Him tucked into a neat little box anymore. I used to fit right in with the self-righteous crowd I guess, because it never used to bother me to hear people talking in "churchese" or "churchslang" Now it just seems so phony and forced, as if these real people who are all sinners just like I am are trying to act/look/seem better than the worldly crowd on the outside just by talking in some foreign language.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be critical here. I love the Lord with all of my heart and want to serve him, I just want to do it sincerely, not fake anymore.

It follows naturally for me then to consider dating a man who is humble enough to say honestly that he doesn't have God all figured out. I don't want to date a complete atheist, but on the other hand I don't want someone whose profile makes him look like a "saint" (in his own minds eyes).

Is there such a thing as a middle of the road? (Not meaning "luke warm") what would you advise to me?

I hear exactly what you are saying my friend. Many people are outward righteous but inward devils putting on a show for men with all the right righteous answers. But God sees none of this as worship. It is entirely fake and hypocrisy.

My friend Just pray to Jesus about the situation okay? He will tell you the truth, but don't make your heart hard as if you know the answer already, because this way you become the same. Jesus said of a certain man, ''BEHOLD A MAN IN WHOM THERE IS NO GUILE!!

May Jesus bless you.

 

[CharlieK]

From personal experience I can tell you that God says you are unequally yoked for a very good reason. If you imagine your faith as you standing on a table - it is easier for the non-Christian to pull you off the table than you for to pull them onto it. I have dated two non-Christians and both relationships were conflict and ended badly. You have to also think of having children - if you want to have children with that person which religion would you be teaching them? Even if they claim to be non-religious people change when children come along. So all in all just best not to go there.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So I've been wondering about this issue, should I date a non-christian or not? I've met so many Christians who were so self-righteous about themselves that they seemed snobbish and "holier-than-thou" which was a real turn off for me.

I am a strong christian but I am at a place in my life where I just don't accept that I've figured God all out 100% and have Him tucked into a neat little box anymore. I used to fit right in with the self-righteous crowd I guess, because it never used to bother me to hear people talking in "churchese" or "churchslang" Now it just seems so phony and forced, as if these real people who are all sinners just like I am are trying to act/look/seem better than the worldly crowd on the outside just by talking in some foreign language.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be critical here. I love the Lord with all of my heart and want to serve him, I just want to do it sincerely, not fake anymore.

It follows naturally for me then to consider dating a man who is humble enough to say honestly that he doesn't have God all figured out. I don't want to date a complete atheist, but on the other hand I don't want someone whose profile makes him look like a "saint" (in his own minds eyes).

Is there such a thing as a middle of the road? (Not meaning "luke warm") what would you advise to me?

Every new relationship is a gamble, so if it looks like you see a good chance for a loving relationship, then don't be afraid to roll the dice!
Don't let a bible verse cause you to miss out on a loving relationship!

 

[Jullianna]

Dating a non-christian is simply too risky for me. If I'm attracted to him enough to date him, I'm attracted enough to fall for him. Then what? It would be setting myself up for heartache.

Besides, if a guy can't share the most important thing in my life with me (my faith)...

 

[niceguyJ]

Every new relationship is a gamble, so if it looks like you see a good chance for a loving relationship, then don't be afraid to roll the dice!
Don't let a bible verse cause you to miss out on a loving relationship!

Maybe he can steal a fancy sports car on the way to pick her up for dinner, walk out without paying the check, then take her back to a motel and fornicate with her. We wouldn't want a Bible verse to cause them to miss all that fun stuff either would we? Cause after all, it only offers suggestions that we don't have to follow if we don't like them, right?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Maybe he can steal a fancy sports car on the way to pick her up for dinner, walk out without paying the check, then take her back to a motel and fornicate with her. We wouldn't want a Bible verse to cause them to miss all that fun stuff either would we? Cause after all, it only offers suggestions that we don't have to follow if we don't like them, right?

You sure are reading a lot into what I posted. She's only asking about dating a non-christian. All this other stuff about sports cars and fornication are YOUR IDEA, not hers and certainly not mine!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Maybe he can steal a fancy sports car on the way to pick her up for dinner, walk out without paying the check, then take her back to a motel and fornicate with her. We wouldn't want a Bible verse to cause them to miss all that fun stuff either would we? Cause after all, it only offers suggestions that we don't have to follow if we don't like them, right?

Do me a favor and don't try to put words in my mouth, SIR!

 

[niceguyJ]

"Don't let a bible verse cause you to miss out on a loving relationship!"

That's what I took issue with. Also, I was just being a bit sarcastic to try to prove a point.
I think the Bible is very clear on this topic. The verses listed more than once here prove that. It's black and white. If you disagree with it, and don't want to follow it then that's your call. For me, it's all or nothing. Giving up an inch is giving up a mile.

 

[rainacorn]

So I've been wondering about this issue, should I date a non-christian or not? I've met so many Christians who were so self-righteous about themselves that they seemed snobbish and "holier-than-thou" which was a real turn off for me.

I am a strong christian but I am at a place in my life where I just don't accept that I've figured God all out 100% and have Him tucked into a neat little box anymore. I used to fit right in with the self-righteous crowd I guess, because it never used to bother me to hear people talking in "churchese" or "churchslang" Now it just seems so phony and forced, as if these real people who are all sinners just like I am are trying to act/look/seem better than the worldly crowd on the outside just by talking in some foreign language.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be critical here. I love the Lord with all of my heart and want to serve him, I just want to do it sincerely, not fake anymore.

It follows naturally for me then to consider dating a man who is humble enough to say honestly that he doesn't have God all figured out. I don't want to date a complete atheist, but on the other hand I don't want someone whose profile makes him look like a "saint" (in his own minds eyes).

Is there such a thing as a middle of the road? (Not meaning "luke warm") what would you advise to me?

There's a difference between lapsed faith and 'not having it all figured out.'

Before we can enter a good relationship, we have to be "good" ourselves. We have to be right with God and expect the same of our partners. That doesn't mean unlocking all of the mysteries of the Universe, but if you're in a place where you're starting to question everything because you realized you hang out with self-righteous prigs, then you're probably not where you need to be to find the right relationship.

Just because those people are wrong doesn't mean the opposite is right.

You mentioned 'profile' which leads me to believe you're seeking out a partner online. Trust God to help you and point you in the right direction. Just because the internet is available today doesn't mean that is how God matches people. It's like we discount the possibility of God bringing someone to us in reality- physical reality- because the internet makes it easy.

If we're on the internet looking for a mate, it's only going to make it harder to meet the person for us in physical reality.

Just my opinion. I'm married, so feel free to disregard it.

 

[Suzie2family]

Thank you all for your various opinions (and especially scriptures)

I keep looking for Christian guys but I'm not finding any that aren't self-righteous to an extreme. That doesn't mean there are no sincerely humble divorced christian men out there, just that I'm not finding them! Oftentimes I've found that christian men who have been divorced (I am divorced myself) are so busy justifying why they were righteous about being the dumper or righteous about being the dumpee that I get disgusted and flip the page--NEXT! I know from my own experience that there are no righteous dumpers or dumpees--there are two sides to every coin and we all make mistakes and if we are divorced we can only fall upon the grace of God for redemption. Divorce is still sin in His book and it really irks me when a so-called christian guy gets up on his high horse about how persecuted he was in his marriage, and suffered unjustly, and blah blah blah....(whether he dumped HER or she dumped HIM--makes no difference).

Non-christian guys are not my first choice but at least they don't seem to be trying to justify what they did or didn't do right in their marriage with scripture--that's what gets to me the most.

Also, I did meet a guy who is "non-religious" and I don't want to be "unequally yoked" or compromise my standards or do anything displeasing to the Lord. God is my husband, first and foremost and I have put this issue on the altar. I told this guy that a "deal-breaker" for me would be if he had completely atheistic beliefs--i.e. no possibility for God anywhere in the picture of his life.

If a person has questions about their faith or is a "spiritual seeker" I am reminded of people Jesus commended for their faith (Matthew 8--the centurion's faith whose daughter was healed, for example) who were not "christians" nor even Jews, and of Ruth who was a Moabite woman, seeking God. Boaz married her dispite the fact that she was not an Israelite....(she obviously had a humble character toward God).

I'm looking for a man whose heart is humble before God.