Greetings friends,my name is Tiago Im not mutch of a Christian,agnostic at best , however Im embarassed to say Im feeling draw to Jesus its a jarring thing to me ,i could not Share This with familly they all know me as an heretic and eternal opposer,Im afraid really , its just dancing on me what if the advice christians tryed to Share. Is real and i wasted 30 years of my life ,i Guess i Will Share some of my history without bothering you too mutch i hope,i dont usually Share This mutch with strangers but i dont care anymore.
I was raised by my grand parents after my Mother abandoned me ,my father was a drug addict and died of AIDS when i was 3 my Mother caught AIDS from him but i was spared, after my father died my Mother had more partners ,One was a drunkard and beat her,another tried to abuse me and locked me on a dark Room when i resisted ,só my Mother left me , my grandma cared for me and was very religious though her religion was somewhat of a cult a Christian denomination called jehovas witness ,they seemed very fanatic too self righteous too rigid i was on constant fear of jehova ,eventually i left with a deep contempt and hate towards Christianity that ONLY increased after my Mother died,i Guess i blamed God for everything ,i fellt a great void and desire to Discover The trught, i began a quest to learn ,science documentaries books of other religions even forbiden Grimoires eventually i wandered into dark corners researching into The occult ,laveyan satanism ,cosmicism,even dabbelded on The O9A a satânic death cult ,ironically i ended up joining another cult The (Joy of Satan) i joined even did the dedication ritual signed with my own blood, They claimed God and Jesus were impostors entities created by The jews in a conspiracy to rule The world and lute people away from The old true gods their history really stick to me further feeling into my hate towards everything abrahamic,once when i was going through some very bad issues on my life randomlly 2 Christians apeared out of The blue trying to help me i rejected them arrogantly ,another instance i was in The hospital with a twisted gut in life danger a preacher came by twice i sent him away again ,i Guess hatred blinds a person,i was a real heretic just felt repulsed by Christianity even mutilated my old bible out of spite flipped religious imagery whenenever i found it spitting on religious images vandalizing etc, the Joy of satan were also national socialist and claimed The germans were actually inocent and ww2 was causes by The jews,long story short i could never commit to their teachings as elaborate as they were i could not commit, then i Saw through their lies and broke free ,recently ironically i started feeling The urge to aproach and search for Jesus even got The feeling to spread The word Im embarassed really i feel somewhat tainted im such a great heretic ,how can This BE? I must be cursed or nearly mad , i still have so many doubts but i fell draw to Jesus like i have a great void in my heart ,i was so sure Christianity was a lie now i dont know anything anymore i just feel my life sonking into darkness and despair everything going wrong my marriage failing some nights i just want to fade into darkness The ONLY thing keeping me afloat is my Young son,can you guide me,thank you.
I was raised by my grand parents after my Mother abandoned me ,my father was a drug addict and died of AIDS when i was 3 my Mother caught AIDS from him but i was spared, after my father died my Mother had more partners ,One was a drunkard and beat her,another tried to abuse me and locked me on a dark Room when i resisted ,só my Mother left me , my grandma cared for me and was very religious though her religion was somewhat of a cult a Christian denomination called jehovas witness ,they seemed very fanatic too self righteous too rigid i was on constant fear of jehova ,eventually i left with a deep contempt and hate towards Christianity that ONLY increased after my Mother died,i Guess i blamed God for everything ,i fellt a great void and desire to Discover The trught, i began a quest to learn ,science documentaries books of other religions even forbiden Grimoires eventually i wandered into dark corners researching into The occult ,laveyan satanism ,cosmicism,even dabbelded on The O9A a satânic death cult ,ironically i ended up joining another cult The (Joy of Satan) i joined even did the dedication ritual signed with my own blood, They claimed God and Jesus were impostors entities created by The jews in a conspiracy to rule The world and lute people away from The old true gods their history really stick to me further feeling into my hate towards everything abrahamic,once when i was going through some very bad issues on my life randomlly 2 Christians apeared out of The blue trying to help me i rejected them arrogantly ,another instance i was in The hospital with a twisted gut in life danger a preacher came by twice i sent him away again ,i Guess hatred blinds a person,i was a real heretic just felt repulsed by Christianity even mutilated my old bible out of spite flipped religious imagery whenenever i found it spitting on religious images vandalizing etc, the Joy of satan were also national socialist and claimed The germans were actually inocent and ww2 was causes by The jews,long story short i could never commit to their teachings as elaborate as they were i could not commit, then i Saw through their lies and broke free ,recently ironically i started feeling The urge to aproach and search for Jesus even got The feeling to spread The word Im embarassed really i feel somewhat tainted im such a great heretic ,how can This BE? I must be cursed or nearly mad , i still have so many doubts but i fell draw to Jesus like i have a great void in my heart ,i was so sure Christianity was a lie now i dont know anything anymore i just feel my life sonking into darkness and despair everything going wrong my marriage failing some nights i just want to fade into darkness The ONLY thing keeping me afloat is my Young son,can you guide me,thank you.
