K
Kooper
Guest
I know the title sounds like a horror novel/movie, but it happens.
I tend to live a day without God. Although, I do think about Him, and have little conversations about the Bible and Jesus with my mom. I've noticed for quite a while now, that I haven't been living up to God's standards. I freely, and selfishly live for myself. I'm my own man. I don't go to church as much I should. Well, it feels like there is no point when there is only 5 to 7 people in there without a pastor. But, that's just me and my foolish pride. Go figure. I commend those people for being there and keeping the faith. I can easily tell you that I am neither hot or cold. I do what I can for my grandmother's house. I try to pay the bills and provide food for them. I live there with my cousin, who is more of a big brother to me. And his pregnant girlfriend. I don't see many my age talking about Christ. And when God comes up it's usually me that starts off the conversation. I believe that they've notice my little faith in God, but don't really take me seriously. I live in the "safe" zone of everybody. I don't shove my belief in their faces, but, neither am I sharing my faith as I should be. I boast, I lie, I ect ect ect... Sin is still sin. No one is greater then the other. But great enough to knock me down and discourage me. I often wonder to myself if the Bible is right, or if science and evolution did occur. I waver. I'm too much like the guy who builds his house on sand. Only to watch his own exsisting pride crumble down into a thousand pieces.
I can only sigh, as I humble myself to God at the end of the day. I tell him what I've noticed in my life that needs drastic changes. I ask Him to change me. To use me. To give me strength. I pray for those around me. I pray for a little more knowledge. I bare my heart to God. After I thank Him for allowing me to see another day. After I'm done, I let it be, in hopes God will hear.
After I'm done praying, I try to calm myself and sleep.
The nightmare happens. I wake up somewhat shaken and run to food or something else to comfort me. I tend to think about what I've seen in my dream and wonder why it happens right after my heartfelt prayer.
Well, what I'm asking: is prayer for my life. I know there are hundreds, thousands of people who ask for prayer, but I often wonder who actually hears these pleas for help. And to those who actually prays for their brothers and sisters. I'm not a bad person in general... But who am I to assume I'm a ball of light for God? I can only use what little knowledge I have, and try to be like them.
I tend to live a day without God. Although, I do think about Him, and have little conversations about the Bible and Jesus with my mom. I've noticed for quite a while now, that I haven't been living up to God's standards. I freely, and selfishly live for myself. I'm my own man. I don't go to church as much I should. Well, it feels like there is no point when there is only 5 to 7 people in there without a pastor. But, that's just me and my foolish pride. Go figure. I commend those people for being there and keeping the faith. I can easily tell you that I am neither hot or cold. I do what I can for my grandmother's house. I try to pay the bills and provide food for them. I live there with my cousin, who is more of a big brother to me. And his pregnant girlfriend. I don't see many my age talking about Christ. And when God comes up it's usually me that starts off the conversation. I believe that they've notice my little faith in God, but don't really take me seriously. I live in the "safe" zone of everybody. I don't shove my belief in their faces, but, neither am I sharing my faith as I should be. I boast, I lie, I ect ect ect... Sin is still sin. No one is greater then the other. But great enough to knock me down and discourage me. I often wonder to myself if the Bible is right, or if science and evolution did occur. I waver. I'm too much like the guy who builds his house on sand. Only to watch his own exsisting pride crumble down into a thousand pieces.
I can only sigh, as I humble myself to God at the end of the day. I tell him what I've noticed in my life that needs drastic changes. I ask Him to change me. To use me. To give me strength. I pray for those around me. I pray for a little more knowledge. I bare my heart to God. After I thank Him for allowing me to see another day. After I'm done, I let it be, in hopes God will hear.
After I'm done praying, I try to calm myself and sleep.
The nightmare happens. I wake up somewhat shaken and run to food or something else to comfort me. I tend to think about what I've seen in my dream and wonder why it happens right after my heartfelt prayer.
Well, what I'm asking: is prayer for my life. I know there are hundreds, thousands of people who ask for prayer, but I often wonder who actually hears these pleas for help. And to those who actually prays for their brothers and sisters. I'm not a bad person in general... But who am I to assume I'm a ball of light for God? I can only use what little knowledge I have, and try to be like them.
