No, why is one simple word so hard to say sometimes?

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Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
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This topic is meant for discussion, it's not about me.


Have you ever had trouble saying no to someone? Even if you know it wouldn't be in your best interest? I wonder because of something recently that had come up in my family. A relative has a step child that sells a product. This person wanted phone numbers of this persons relatives, some of whom she's never met before. One of the relatives (not me) was not happy that her number was given out. She told the seller not to contact her again. I told the relative who gave the number out of the phone encounter. I had no idea that she already knew and this person had come to her for the numbers and she didn't think anyone would mind.

This relative is very near and dear to me. She is a wonderful person but is afraid to say no sometimes. In the very least I think that she should have asked people before saying it was OK to contact them. The seller is a somewhat pushy person. The seller has approached me and I have said no thanks.

I think my relative thinks she always has to be nice. You can be nice and firm in your convictions as well. I have learned as I've gotten older it's OK to say no. The step child that I'm writing about doesn't have a lot of concern for other's time or feelings. She has interfered in the marriage, unknowingly, but has caused tension between the couple all because she doesn't like to hear the word no and she's spoiled.


I am no longer afraid to say no to an aggressive person, if they don't like it, well sorry, but I have to do what I feel is best for my family and myself.


Again this is a topic to discuss, don't just focus on me and this relative or her pushy step child. How do you deal with this in your life? Has it ever caused you strife or grief?
 
Watch closely, I'll show you how it's done.

"Lynx, post a reply in that "No" thread."

"No, I don't think I will."



.......




.......



Hmm, I just did. Maybe it's not as easy as it seems. :rolleyes:
 
I was a jellyfish for the longest time, but as circumstances that demanded attention kept on piling up more and more, and things that were unchecked began causing problems, I really learned to at least start confronting issues head on. And then, working in the job I'm in now, I worked by someone (who I'm pretty good friends with now) for several months straight who had absolutely no reservations telling people when he had a problem with them. I thought it was awesome and began confronting these situations more and more often. I may come off like a jerk at times, but I'd rather that than have bitterness and aggression build up and take it out on other people.
 
I've learned that it is ok to say no early in life. It comes natural to me. God gave us free choice to use for His glory. But I also found out that it is not easy for someone who is not used to saying no, and they have hard time with it. I met a person who has this problem with saying no and asked why was it so hard to say no. They told me that they are afraid of rejection so, maybe they think it is rejecting someone else and reflect on how rejection makes them feel.
 
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years ago, i had a problem saying no because 1) i didn't want to feel bad for not "helping" the other person, and so, hurting the person's feelings, or 2) i didn't want that person to walk out of my life because i was being a "jerk" for saying no (i wanted to be accepted).

[and sometimes, certain people know how to guilt-trip others, which makes it difficult for people who struggle with saying no]

now that i'm a little older, i'm finding it easier to say no. and if that person chooses not to understand why, then.. ok. lol some days, i struggle trying to identify the line between not being selfish and taking care of myself.
 
seeking1 said:
I've learned that it is ok to say no early in life. It comes natural to me. God gave us free choice to use for His glory. But I also found out that it is not easy for someone who is not used to saying no, and they have hard time with it. I met a person who has this problem with saying no and asked why was it so hard to say no. They told me that they are afraid of rejection so, maybe they think it is rejecting someone else and reflect on how rejection makes them feel.
Click to expand...

I think that a lot of people fear rejection. I also never wanted to hurt someone's feelings, but now I'm to the point in life where I know it's probably worse to say yes to someone and not really mean it. If your heart is not in something then you won't be your best.
 
Fenner said:
Again this is a topic to discuss, don't just focus on me and this relative or her pushy step child. How do you deal with this in your life? Has it ever caused you strife or grief?
Click to expand...


I suspect you walk carefully around others. You avoid needless confrontation. This is all good. See Philippians 2:4-8.

How do I deal with No? Not by a One Size Fits All method. The variables are: the issue itself, the personality or the general mood of the individual, the maturity level, the setting, and the relationship. (Probably others I am overlooking.)

Examples:
This is easy to say NO to, and to anyone at anytime - "Don't tell the buyers about the faulty wiring running through the shop." It's a matter of Right and Wrong. Most people who know me dare not even ask. If the person doesn't know me and asks, then it's a door to share some truth.

This requires reassurance that I care: "I need you to help me move this weekend. I'll buy you lunch and dinner. Just really need your help." Response: First, I pause. Let there be a silence. A quick response is not advised here. A pause settles down the urgency. It prepares him for NO. So, "Oh no. I wish you would have said something sooner. I'm spending all day with my family this weekend. First weekend off in a month. Tell you what, instead of lunch and dinner, why not use that money to pay for help. Or, I can help in a week if you can wait."

Numerous other situations can be created. I try to get control of the mood or tone. I don't allow a friend to manipulate me with "I'm begging you" pleas. I try to tone down the matter and show that a NO from me is not a "I don't care" response.

You can tell I like your question. Very good question. Yes it is.
 
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