Not really a testimony

[Scutterbotch]

This isn't really a testimony but it felt like this may be the best Thread to put this so please forgive me if I chose incorrectly.

My mother passed away when I was five. My parents talked to my sister and I and told us what would happen. I remember trying to understand but somehow I couldn't or maybe I didn't want to because something inside fought against believing something so horrible could happen.
I wish I'd remember more of the time I had with her but I'll share a little of what I do remember. My mom talked to me about Jesus and God and I know it all meant a lot to her. She told me to always be kind to others.
My most precious possession is a book she'd read to me at bedtime.
Shortly after my mom passed I remember going to Vacation Bible School and they told me that Jesus loves me and how God never leaves us. I just remember being a sad little kid and wondering if God really loves us why did he take my mom from me.
A few years later my dad remarried and though she wasn't cruel, her mothering skills left much to be desired.
She never made me feel wanted and I couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from her.
About two years ago, I had my heart ripped out of me and once again, it felt like not enough plaster in the world could ever fill the holes and emptiness I felt.
But time does help heal and I've moved on and am somehow once again feeling some happiness. Although, what happened two years ago did help destroy faith in others.
I keep being asked by people on this site why I am here, what am I looking for and I honestly can't say. I know many are ready to pray for me at the drop of a hat but I'm just not ready for that.
People have been kind to me here and for that I'm grateful. Were you to ask, do I have any regrets.... my answer would be.. I haven't always been kind.

 

[Ariel82]

What a beautiful memory of your mother.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Life is too short to have regrets..

 

[shineyourlight]

This isn't really a testimony but it felt like this may be the best Thread to put this so please forgive me if I chose incorrectly.

My mother passed away when I was five. My parents talked to my sister and I and told us what would happen. I remember trying to understand but somehow I couldn't or maybe I didn't want to because something inside fought against believing something so horrible could happen.
I wish I'd remember more of the time I had with her but I'll share a little of what I do remember. My mom talked to me about Jesus and God and I know it all meant a lot to her. She told me to always be kind to others.
My most precious possession is a book she'd read to me at bedtime.
Shortly after my mom passed I remember going to Vacation Bible School and they told me that Jesus loves me and how God never leaves us. I just remember being a sad little kid and wondering if God really loves us why did he take my mom from me.
A few years later my dad remarried and though she wasn't cruel, her mothering skills left much to be desired.
She never made me feel wanted and I couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from her.
About two years ago, I had my heart ripped out of me and once again, it felt like not enough plaster in the world could ever fill the holes and emptiness I felt.
But time does help heal and I've moved on and am somehow once again feeling some happiness. Although, what happened two years ago did help destroy faith in others.
I keep being asked by people on this site why I am here, what am I looking for and I honestly can't say. I know many are ready to pray for me at the drop of a hat but I'm just not ready for that.
People have been kind to me here and for that I'm grateful. Were you to ask, do I have any regrets.... my answer would be.. I haven't always been kind.

The funny thing about healing is this: As much as you have healed and the journey that you've been on through that healing, sometimes, you aren't done being healed even though it feels like it is.

Healing takes time. For example, a couple months ago, I had this long scratch on my arm. Though wasn't very deep, I took care of it by putting on ointment and putting a band-aid on to prevent infection. I took care of it and attended it thoroughly. Regardless of what I did for it and how I attended to it, there's a scar now.

However, I know in the next, 6 months or so, that scar will begin to fade.

Healing is similar. You attend to your wounds, and you allow God (if you are following after Him or whatnot) to attend to those wounds. Those wounds will begin to be scars, but doesn't mean you are injured still, just like how my scratch turned into a scar (I wasn't still hurting, but the memory of that scar was still there because I could see it). It just needs some more time for the scars to fade. You will always have memories, just like I will always remember, "Hey, remember that scratch that turned into a scar, but it's not there anymore?" It just takes times.

Mind you, some scars never leave...but things get easier and way more manageable.

It's gonna be okay.

 

[Sillychick723]

Scutterbotch, I'm sorry for the pain you've endured in your life. I've been through a serious heartbreak & as painful as it was I learned to forgive and to let it go. I also feel empathy for those around me that are going through something difficult. I realized that the time I spent feeling pain, sadness & anger were not a waste but were necessary through my healing process. It's seems you're searching for something even if you're not sure what it is. I agree with Ladyblue, life is too short to have regrets. Maybe the regret of not always having been kind can be a starting point to things changing. Be intentional about it. Start by being kinder to yourself. See what happens.