I have spoken to a couple of you regarding this subject, but because I keep hearing the same thing echoing from my side of the gender divide, I find it thread-worthy. I digress. This appears to go hand-in-hand with a top complaint coming from single Christian women: why won't guys step up and initiate? (Though that's a different thread altogether).
Growing up in a Christian home and being a mature Christian male, I have been taught my entire life that I need to be the pursuer in the relationship and indeed I must take all the risk. Personally, this is not a problem for me. As Christian men, we should take the risk fully knowing it is the woman's prerogative to say 'yes' or 'no'.
This is fine and dandy, but there is a 3rd option that women (especially Christian women who grew up in a Christian home) have a tendency to employ: avoidance. This has happened to me more than once, and I have heard the same general sentiment from men within the Christian community of this city.
Picture this as an example: A young man and woman from the same church congregation are familiar with each other. About a year later the young man prays about pursuing the gal, as he knows she is still single and has a heart for God. He finally gets up the courage to ask her out to brunch after the next weeks church service. Then is happens. The girl is friendly, kind, and even giggly in her response. "I'll have to check to my schedule and get back to you", she says. Days go by with no response. Days turn into weeks. She never responds. From then on, every young adult meeting and every church service contains an unspoken awkwardness and possibly animosity between the two. (Although, even if the woman does not respond, the man is still [/i]expected[/i] to be polite, but that's beside the point of this article).
Ladies, just check 'yes' or 'no'. Simply not giving an answer and hoping the question will 'go away' is not an option. It's inconsiderate, and here are a few more things to think about the next time a man honors you:
1) Be kind. - It is would be uncanny if a man were to ask you out on a whim. Chances are he has been doing his research and checking your 'resume'. (Pardon my comparison of spouse hunting to job searching). Regardless of how much research the man is able to do, it still takes a lot of courage to ask a woman out. Which leads to my next point.
2) Be respectful. - Presumably, the gentleman has taken the question whether to ask you out or not before God. However, when us men are interested in a woman it's not easy to get her off our minds. That's why it's best to ask sooner rather than later. That's the way men [should] operate- we do not rest until the matter is settled. (Sound familiar? Hint: Boaz). So be respectful. Regardless of your answer (yes or no) allow him the closure within a reasonable amount of time.
3) Be mindful. - Though this man may not be your husband some day. Statistically, I believe there is about a 90% chance he will still be a husband. If you are unkind, he is going to think twice about asking another woman and compare his experience with asking you. Perhaps this is a factor in why so many men are so hesitant in initiating?
4) Don't judge a book by it's cover. - The old adage still applies. Though you may know some information about the man, you may not know the pertinent information. I recall last summer a certain lass that I met through a friend. She was very friendly and kind. We were both at the end of a healing stage, she had an engagement broken off, I had suffered the sudden loss of my girlfriend. The girl and I came from very similar backgrounds, loved to travel, and had similar political beliefs. To top it off, we both gave praise to God. She looked past our age difference (she was 28, I was 22) and accepted my dinner invitation. We had a wonderful (and very long) dinner conversation. We discussed how God was working in our lives and how He was healing us from both our situations. Though we did not choose to pursue a relationship (she likes the Bills, enough said) after that dinner, through her tears and my humility, a friendship was formed.
In conclusion, women: I implore you to give the men in your life as much godly encouragement you can afford. The world is an evil place where men are generally able to get what they want immediately with little or no commitment. This is especially in the perverse secular realm of higher education where not only is selfishness accepted, but promoted. Let's work to revive the love and harmony God originally planned for us and bridge the gap of bitterness between genders.
Peace be with you.
Growing up in a Christian home and being a mature Christian male, I have been taught my entire life that I need to be the pursuer in the relationship and indeed I must take all the risk. Personally, this is not a problem for me. As Christian men, we should take the risk fully knowing it is the woman's prerogative to say 'yes' or 'no'.
This is fine and dandy, but there is a 3rd option that women (especially Christian women who grew up in a Christian home) have a tendency to employ: avoidance. This has happened to me more than once, and I have heard the same general sentiment from men within the Christian community of this city.
Picture this as an example: A young man and woman from the same church congregation are familiar with each other. About a year later the young man prays about pursuing the gal, as he knows she is still single and has a heart for God. He finally gets up the courage to ask her out to brunch after the next weeks church service. Then is happens. The girl is friendly, kind, and even giggly in her response. "I'll have to check to my schedule and get back to you", she says. Days go by with no response. Days turn into weeks. She never responds. From then on, every young adult meeting and every church service contains an unspoken awkwardness and possibly animosity between the two. (Although, even if the woman does not respond, the man is still [/i]expected[/i] to be polite, but that's beside the point of this article).
Ladies, just check 'yes' or 'no'. Simply not giving an answer and hoping the question will 'go away' is not an option. It's inconsiderate, and here are a few more things to think about the next time a man honors you:
1) Be kind. - It is would be uncanny if a man were to ask you out on a whim. Chances are he has been doing his research and checking your 'resume'. (Pardon my comparison of spouse hunting to job searching). Regardless of how much research the man is able to do, it still takes a lot of courage to ask a woman out. Which leads to my next point.
2) Be respectful. - Presumably, the gentleman has taken the question whether to ask you out or not before God. However, when us men are interested in a woman it's not easy to get her off our minds. That's why it's best to ask sooner rather than later. That's the way men [should] operate- we do not rest until the matter is settled. (Sound familiar? Hint: Boaz). So be respectful. Regardless of your answer (yes or no) allow him the closure within a reasonable amount of time.
3) Be mindful. - Though this man may not be your husband some day. Statistically, I believe there is about a 90% chance he will still be a husband. If you are unkind, he is going to think twice about asking another woman and compare his experience with asking you. Perhaps this is a factor in why so many men are so hesitant in initiating?
4) Don't judge a book by it's cover. - The old adage still applies. Though you may know some information about the man, you may not know the pertinent information. I recall last summer a certain lass that I met through a friend. She was very friendly and kind. We were both at the end of a healing stage, she had an engagement broken off, I had suffered the sudden loss of my girlfriend. The girl and I came from very similar backgrounds, loved to travel, and had similar political beliefs. To top it off, we both gave praise to God. She looked past our age difference (she was 28, I was 22) and accepted my dinner invitation. We had a wonderful (and very long) dinner conversation. We discussed how God was working in our lives and how He was healing us from both our situations. Though we did not choose to pursue a relationship (she likes the Bills, enough said) after that dinner, through her tears and my humility, a friendship was formed.
In conclusion, women: I implore you to give the men in your life as much godly encouragement you can afford. The world is an evil place where men are generally able to get what they want immediately with little or no commitment. This is especially in the perverse secular realm of higher education where not only is selfishness accepted, but promoted. Let's work to revive the love and harmony God originally planned for us and bridge the gap of bitterness between genders.
Peace be with you.
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