Haven't been to the doctor since I was young so I'd have to find another one. My mom would find out from the insurance and I don't want that. Talking to people doesn't seem to work. When it comes down to it, every single person including me only cares about them self. That's why I'm like I want to be with God. People and relationships are meaningless. Anything "nice" I do is just for myself.
Sometimes our environments can be depressing and it's best to make a practice to put ourselves in good places. Find a place where people do want to be nice to you and care about what you say. Like a good church. There are suicide hotlines -Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571. It's free, 24/7 and confidential. If number no longer available just google another but that one comes from Christian counseling. People who truly follow God won't be only wanting to help themselves or else we random people wouldn't be caring now. We care, God cares, and you need to know that.