Of Singleness/Celibacy/Marriage Minded/Sexual Frustration

[FredBotswana]

Pornography, masturbation and fornication are a sin, these are the things that I have prayed against when I became a Christian, I stayed months without doing them, also with a prayer/hope that God will gives me a wife/family and I will be really believing that and having faith. But then after around 8 months or so I fornicated or I watch porn and masturbate. Also i can be with a lady and both us being celibate but along the way we break up after many months or a year, from there I meet someone else and we fornicate then break up and then I go back to porn and masturbation.

It's really frustrating that if you're not careful you can even be angry at God and bitter because all you want is a wife, you don't want to do sexual sin and you have done it all (to be pure) but then through burning with passion then you end up succumbing to temptation. I am a 42 year old man with no children, and sometimes I wonder for how long am I going to wait and keep falling back to sexual sin. Sometimes I have thoughts of getting just a lady from the world, get tested and make child with. You know, it's just sooo frustrating, just yesterday I succumbed to porn and masturbation after fornication weeks before that, this is after I have stayed for almost a year celibate. IT'S A BATTLE BRETHRENS.

Please help with advises.

 

[JohnDB]

Caring about others is the cure.

Focusing on stopping only leads to frustration....love others more.

 

[JohnDB]

 

[ResidentAlien]

Pornography, masturbation and fornication are a sin, these are the things that I have prayed against when I became a Christian, I stayed months without doing them, also with a prayer/hope that God will gives me a wife/family and I will be really believing that and having faith. But then after around 8 months or so I fornicated or I watch porn and masturbate. Also i can be with a lady and both us being celibate but along the way we break up after many months or a year, from there I meet someone else and we fornicate then break up and then I go back to porn and masturbation.

It's really frustrating that if you're not careful you can even be angry at God and bitter because all you want is a wife, you don't want to do sexual sin and you have done it all (to be pure) but then through burning with passion then you end up succumbing to temptation. I am a 42 year old man with no children, and sometimes I wonder for how long am I going to wait and keep falling back to sexual sin. Sometimes I have thoughts of getting just a lady from the world, get tested and make child with. You know, it's just sooo frustrating, just yesterday I succumbed to porn and masturbation after fornication weeks before that, this is after I have stayed for almost a year celibate. IT'S A BATTLE BRETHRENS.

Please help with advises.

Hearing things like this is truly concerning. Unfortunately, easy access to porn on the internet has turned many men into porn addicts. One of the most difficult things to deal with is the hopelessness; the thought that it can never be overcome. But speaking from experience: it can.

You have to realize that this garbage is your worst enemy; you have to become willing to do whatever it takes. You need to sell out to the Lord Jesus and start serving Him 100%, no matter what. Personally, I'd recommend a radical change in your life situation. A new environment without private access to the internet. Find a new purpose in life other than women and porn. Put yourself into a situation you're not comfortable with; one that will require you to set your mind on other things. In short, you need to shake your life up so you can break the cycle.

I know it may sound radical, but what you're dealing with isn't something that will easily go away without drastic intervention. Maybe there's something in the back of your mind you always wanted to do but felt you couldn't because you're enslaved to porn. Do it. The Lord will bless you and you'll find a whole new world will open up to you.

God bless and best wishes.

 

[ResidentAlien]

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee sexual immorality." Sometimes the best thing we can do to escape sexual sin is flee.

 

[MsMediator]

Pornography, masturbation and fornication are a sin, these are the things that I have prayed against when I became a Christian, I stayed months without doing them, also with a prayer/hope that God will gives me a wife/family and I will be really believing that and having faith. But then after around 8 months or so I fornicated or I watch porn and masturbate. Also i can be with a lady and both us being celibate but along the way we break up after many months or a year, from there I meet someone else and we fornicate then break up and then I go back to porn and masturbation.

It's really frustrating that if you're not careful you can even be angry at God and bitter because all you want is a wife, you don't want to do sexual sin and you have done it all (to be pure) but then through burning with passion then you end up succumbing to temptation. I am a 42 year old man with no children, and sometimes I wonder for how long am I going to wait and keep falling back to sexual sin. Sometimes I have thoughts of getting just a lady from the world, get tested and make child with. You know, it's just sooo frustrating, just yesterday I succumbed to porn and masturbation after fornication weeks before that, this is after I have stayed for almost a year celibate. IT'S A BATTLE BRETHRENS.

Please help with advises.

Try to find someone to hold you accountable, whether it is a pastor or a friend even your mother. Get rid of the internet and avoid venues with loose women. Have a picture of Jesus and some Bible verses next to your computer.

 

[ebdesroches]

See you life as completely belonging to Him. To resist these sins is painful. I was able to overcome these sins mostly. Total relapses so far three in a year.

For me there was a huge reward. He told me He loved me and that i loved Him. That was liberating and life changing.

 

[ebdesroches]

For me the pain of not sinning was paired with the pleasure of His company and i realized i love Him far more than the sin.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but in earlier days i looked for the temptation and hoped for it for the superior pleasure of His company.

It was latter by a month that He told me He loved me while i was worshipping Him at the airport (This July two years ago)

Though it happens, i never want to be apart from the conscious knowledge of His presence….. which is up to Him. I know He will return when He wants to, i accept it.

I know how greatly He loves me, and His spirit has let me know more (He is infinite) about who He is.

1 Corinthians 6:15-20

King James Version

15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

 

[ebdesroches]

For me (NOW) and going on two years: porn NEVER i have a hard enough trouble with resisting the bad spirits in my mind.

 

[ebdesroches]

Since women are not sexual objects to me, it ends up i worship God for them:

They are so wonderfully different than we mean men are. They are beautiful and surround themselves in beauty…flowers, they make a home a home. Meticulous and clean, proper like we are usually not.

They are sensitive to what people need. Things that i never thought about: the needs of my children, relatives and others, we know. It goes right over my head.

They make things work. Without them life would be so much less.

To God be the glory for His caring and loving us men.

 

[ebdesroches]

After i sent the above words about women to one of my deceased friends wife she said this in quotes. I have many women friends that my wife is not jealous of. She knows where my heart is first.

“Yes, and to God be the glory for men who take care of women with strength, courage, intellect, resolve, analysis, love and companionship, and much more!”

My point it is possible to have very worthwhile conversations and fellowship with women without even the thought of sex. I love women in the sense of what i said above but has no sexual overtones….i just value them so much.

 

[ebdesroches]

Ps due to wife's medical condition celibate. Equal footing except i am much older.

 

[ebdesroches]

For me the pain of not sinning was paired with the pleasure of His company and i realized i love Him far more than the sin.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but in earlier days i looked for the temptation and hoped for it for the superior pleasure of His company.

It was latter by a month that He told me He loved me while i was worshipping Him at the airport (This July two years ago)

Though it happens, i never want to be apart from the conscious knowledge of His presence….. which is up to Him. I know He will return when He wants to, i accept it.

I know how greatly He loves me, and His spirit has let me know more (He is infinite) about who He is.

1 Corinthians 6:15-20

King James Version

15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Important: when the pain of resisting sin is on you totally submit all of yourself to Him. As a small child hurt before Him. Become nothing. Submit to Him.

 

[Talljake]

What about when we mess up? Going from a very sinful life of porn and fornication to a hult, then slipping. After I accepted Christ as my lord and savior everything changed. A couple of weeks ago I fell. Now even though I pray, stay in my bible, and try to keep my mind on the lord ...... I can feel the wall between us. My mind wants to go scatter brain on me so I am constantly refocusing my mind. Can anyone help? I'm really ashamed and embarrassed about this. I need to confront this and break this wall between me and the lord.

 

[ebdesroches]

I can understand! I fail too! I ask His forgiveness, and He forgives me as He promised. If you are His child He is never apart from you. He lives in you. He still loves you beyond understanding. The feelings and the knowlege of His presence can disappear even for the great ones and lovers of God.

For me i worship Him not for the wonderfulness of His known presence but because i love Him independently of the reward of His presence. Its up to His choice when He decides to embrace my mind and spirit with His wonderful love. It has been my experience that i dont feel His immediate presence for days, then He becomes so present and real that i cry ir nearly cry out of gratitude for His presence.

My advice is to be patience, keep on loving Him, keep on worshipping Him, very important to be humble before Him, to know you are completely nothing before Him…..He is the great One. Become as a little child before Him. Keep a discipline everyday of prayer, study, worship, and loving and helping others.

 

[Lynx]

Caring about others is the cure.

Focusing on stopping only leads to frustration....love others more.

That's about the size of it.

For anything we are not supposed to do, why do we not do it? Just because "good little christians are not supposed to"? Following a rule just to follow the rule, just because that's what we're supposed to do, makes resentment and eventually ends in burnout.

If we understand WHY we are not supposed to do it, it makes it a lot easier to not do it. Or that's how it works for me anyway. I don't avoid profanity because that's the rule for Christians. I could cuss a blue streak if I wanted to. But I find it keeps my mind sharp and my communication precise to actually think about what I want to say instead of just slamming out some cuss words.

 

[ebdesroches]

That's about the size of it.

For anything we are not supposed to do, why do we not do it? Just because "good little christians are not supposed to"? Following a rule just to follow the rule, just because that's what we're supposed to do, makes resentment and eventually ends in burnout.

If we understand WHY we are not supposed to do it, it makes it a lot easier to not do it. Or that's how it works for me anyway. I don't avoid profanity because that's the rule for Christians. I could cuss a blue streak if I wanted to. But I find it keeps my mind sharp and my communication precise to actually think about what I want to say instead of just slamming out some cuss words.

The gate is narrow, few find it

 

[ebdesroches]

Ephesians 5

18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sing and make music from your heart to the lord

Love Him, love Him, love Him

 

[JohnDB]

That's about the size of it.

For anything we are not supposed to do, why do we not do it? Just because "good little christians are not supposed to"? Following a rule just to follow the rule, just because that's what we're supposed to do, makes resentment and eventually ends in burnout.

If we understand WHY we are not supposed to do it, it makes it a lot easier to not do it. Or that's how it works for me anyway. I don't avoid profanity because that's the rule for Christians. I could cuss a blue streak if I wanted to. But I find it keeps my mind sharp and my communication precise to actually think about what I want to say instead of just slamming out some cuss words.

The rules do seem arbitrary and often the reasons why are not given. We are told to just "do as I say" . While it becomes obvious "don't do as I do"....or be better than they are.
And when the reasons why something is wrong aren't given....we rebel.

 

[ebdesroches]

What rules?
What do you want to do?