On a "Break" from the GF...

  • Thread starter Thread starter bcllcb
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
B

bcllcb

Guest
Where do I start on this? Please forgive me for the length of this...

I have been dating this girl for over 9 months, we are both Christians, we met at Church and serve together there. Things at our church have always been hard though, and we really haven't been growing there, I think that it has hampered our relationship for a long time. Before I starting dating her, I was interested in another girl, lets call her girl A (that didnt like me) and she liked me at that point (i thought she was fun, but wasnt interested in her in that way.) Well after lots of prayer and long convos, I ended up dating my gf. However throughout our entire relationship, my gf didnt trust me around girl A who also goes to our church. In fact, she always had trust issues and didn't want me to really even talk to girls from my work. I thought all this was normal as she is my first real gf (i am in my mid 20s).

Things were going fine for a while, we never had major problems in our relationship. And I really do Love her. She is the first girl I kissed and the first girl I ever said "I love you" to. We had fun together most the time, and when things were hard we tried to resolve it in prayer and by communication.

Then, a few months ago things started getting rough. Lust became a problem in our relationship, and thank God we didn't have sex, it is only by his grace that we resisted that temptation. She became more short tempered with me and we were not having as much fun anymore. I thought of it as just a lull in our relationship and something we would get through...

Another thing you should know is that I have been a Christian all my life, she has not and she was taken advantage of by a previous BF and abused by another. She has a lot of baggage in her life and has been through counseling for some of it.

Then about 2 weeks ago I find out that she is having trouble because she has more fun with a guy from work than she has with me, and she doesn't understand why. He is not a Christian and has been to jail and is over 10 years older than her. She says that she so confused with her life and doesn't know if she is a Christian or not anymore. I prayed with her and tried to talk her down but she said she just needed a break to figure herself out. The day after she said that, I found out (from her telling me) that she watched a movie with him and he tried to kiss her. She put herself in that position and she has ran errends for her job with him since.

Now, I know this guy is not her only issue, she has baggage from previously in her life and I was willing to work with her though that. We were talking about "taking the next step" in our relationship when everything turned bad.

Now I have been praying and praying about this as we have had little contact for 2 weeks (she is on a family vacation). I don't want to lose her as a girlfriend but it will be hard for me to gain her trust back. I also still do Love her. I don't know if i love her as a sister in Christ now, or if I love her as a companion. I don't want to break things off with her for good and have this guy ending up hurting her more. It's such a hard situation and we are supposed to talk in a few days when she returns from vacation. Please advise with any thoughts on this. I have asked other friends about this and family and have various ideas.

Thanks to you who have actually read this whole thing. I will provide any more info if you need.
 
I believe you have been very honest with yourself and your girlfriend, however you must realize that in a relationship you want to bind yourself to another where you are equally yoked. It seems obvious that your faith is stronger and she is questioning her faith at this point. As a friend you should be a support to her but in a serious relationship there are some obvious difficulties that lay in your path. She needs to work on her past before she can grow and move forward, unfortunately only God can provide the healing that she needs. You can try to rescue her but in turn you will not truly be helping her grow in Christ. You two should aim to grow separately and if God brings healing and calls you back together then it will be done, but for the meantime the most difficult thing for you will be letting God work in her life. My brother broke off his engagement to his fiance about 7 or 8 months ago for a very similar situation. He was carrying her in the relationship and she needed a lot of Godly healing. Since then she has been able to grow and mature in Christ however the two are now going in different directions. My bro realized he couldn't do the work God needed to do and the hardest thing for him was breaking off the engagement because he loved her so much as still does. But he also understands that God's purposes are different than our own and only he fully knows what we need. Pray about it further but I feel that you are walking in the right direction with this relationship. Give it to God and he will direct your path.
 
get counciling with the pastor, man. like, you and her together or just her, ya know? whatever works for the best.
 
I know how hard it is to let go (I say this from expeirence) esp that she was your first real gf. I know we all make mistakes and that God can forgive but the difference I see from what you wrote between making a mistake and making it right and what you have said of her is remourse. The fact that she put herself in a compromising position and then spent time running errands with him after that tells me that she really didnt feel bad about the movie incident. I agree with NewBeginning as well on the fact that your faith seems much stronger than hers. The best advice I could give is to distance yourself and spend a ton of time in prayer. Remember that tourmoil isnt from God. And your heart seems so burdenend.
 
I replied to your other post on the young adults forum on this same topic.
 
Thanks for all who have replied to this so far. I posted the same thing in the "Young Adults" forus (i thought it was a better place for it after i posted). So sorry for the duplication...

This is such a tough situation for me and I really need to trust God to get through this. Right now I feel like I need her in my life. I know that is not true but its a lie that is in my head. I need to keep praying and find a way to love her in whatever way that may look, even if its not being her boyfriend anymore :(
 
bcllcb said:
Thanks for all who have replied to this so far. I posted the same thing in the "Young Adults" forus (i thought it was a better place for it after i posted). So sorry for the duplication...

This is such a tough situation for me and I really need to trust God to get through this. Right now I feel like I need her in my life. I know that is not true but its a lie that is in my head. I need to keep praying and find a way to love her in whatever way that may look, even if its not being her boyfriend anymore :(
Click to expand...

It is never a lie to beleive one needs someone in their life. Not if it is the person you are meant being together with as a soulmate. But knowing if you truly are meant for being together, that is another theme one needs being sure of if it is a true fact or not. Only through God's Knowledge you can fully know this. So, yeah, best way is to ask and trust God about this.
 
BellaFlor said:
It is never a lie to beleive one needs someone in their life. Not if it is the person you are meant being together with as a soulmate. But knowing if you truly are meant for being together, that is another theme one needs being sure of if it is a true fact or not. Only through God's Knowledge you can fully know this. So, yeah, best way is to ask and trust God about this.
Click to expand...

I do trust that God has a plan for me and that even if its not what I want to happen, he will be with me. I am not saying that I believe that we always do what God's plan is, we have all sinned and that sin is separation from his will. Maybe I am supposed to be with this girl but because of free will and our fallen world it won't work out. I do believe that ultimately God does love me and wants what is best for me. It's just hard sometimes...and i have been a Christian all my life...

I will talk to her in the next day or two. I will keep you updated on the situation. Please pray.
 
bcllcb said:
Maybe I am supposed to be with this girl but because of free will and our fallen world it won't work out
Click to expand...

If two people are brought together by God, most things will work out well. The two of you, or one of you will know it for sure by the Holy Spirit. That is what I call the "Knowledge" given from God. All this also works through prayer, and seeking God, of course. I sure will pray today for this situation. :)
 
Just a quick update for those who have read this story and prayed for me, she came back from her vacation yesterday and I texted her to see if she made it back safely and had a good time. She responded back that she had a good time and was back in town now. I was hoping that she would respond that we should get together and talk about things soon....but she didnt.I let

Today (Monday) I contact her after work by text again. I think texting is less intrusive and I really don't want to catch her off guard if she isnt thinking clearly to talk. I ask her if we can do something fun and talk a little bit tonight...

2 Hours later she responds. Sorry I have been resting and have some errends to run tonight, tomorrow might work better. I let her know then that it is very important to me that we talk about things and asked if she could come to my place after work...

Here is where things get bad...she responds back that she can try to come then, but she has been busy running errends for her job after work recently (obviously with the same guy).

I still need to talk to her but as I continue to pray and see the way she responds to me, I really dont think that this is a relationship that I want to continue. I have been hurt so much through this and honestly I dont deserve to be treated that way. Hopefully she will let go of whatever she is holding on to and do the right thing and talk to me tomorrow...but I dont see any other choice that i have other than to end it. I will continue to pray for her in her walk...but i dont see myself as a part of that anymore. She will always be my first love but I have to put aside that and keep my relationship with God. He is the one constant when all else goes dark.
 
bcllcb said:
She will always be my first love but I have to put aside that and keep my relationship with God. He is the one constant when all else goes dark.
Click to expand...

Now you might feel like she will always be your first love, later when meeting the right one(if she doesn't appears becoming that person at last)then she will even overcome this first girl you ever had, and she will be the first and the most real love you ever encountered, or that's how I think. ;)

But I do understand how painful this is for you, and it isn't good how she treats you. But if God is revealing it for you that it wouldn't be good to continue this, then you should listen to that voice inside of you telling you this. Sometimes some relationships won't work at all, or it will only 'cause one even more hurt, and yeah, then it is better to end it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back