One week free of a toxic friendship. Please pray for me

TheSunnySapling · Nov 22, 2024

I'm one week free from my toxic friendship. If I get through today without reaching out to him (it's hard), this will be the longest I've gone without speaking to him (I've tried to end the friendship and leave before). Please keep me in your prayers. I'm leaning on God to fill the hole, I'm practicing self-care, and I'm trying my hardest to ride the wave of grief and loneliness. I'm hanging in there. Please give me some hope and encouragement. I need all of it.

j55 · Nov 22, 2024

Hello brethren. I walked away from toxic environment in 2018. I lived narcissist. Went through psychological abuse and emotional abuse. We leave relationship or friendship with Wicked people.
Proverbs chapter 13 . Who ever walks with the wise become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
4:14
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it, do not go on it, turn away from it, and pass on.
12:26
One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Reprobates will corrupt, and poison your mind. Reprobates walk in darkness. There headed to sheol, called hell. We can't serve two masters at same time. We either serve Jesus or Satan. Following Reprobates will end in destruction. Children of light can make it to heaven. Those who choose darkness end up in sheol. What path are we going to choose.

Magenta · Nov 22, 2024

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.

The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship.

You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent.

Low self-esteem.

Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.

People-pleasing.

It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.

Poor boundaries.

Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.

Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.

Reactivity.

A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.

Caretaking.

Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.

Control.

Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.

Dysfunctional communication.

Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.

Obsessions.

Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life.

Dependency.

Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.

Denial.

One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.

Problems with intimacy.

By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.

Painful emotions.

Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. Source

keepingthingsreal · Nov 22, 2024

TheSunnySapling said:

Between this thread and the other thread you recently started, you have called this lost "friendship" damaging, unhealthy, harmful, and toxic. TSS, you deserve better than that. I do not know anything about that man, but I do know something about the consummate man, Jesus Christ. He left the glories of heaven and came to this earth as an obedient servant, and his obedience was unto death on a cross. Why? To redeem people like you in his great love for you that you might be a joint-heir with him one day in his coming kingdom. This is where your true self-worth is found. I pray that God gives you the strength to steer clear from that which you already know is no good for you, and that you truly become rooted and grounded in Christ and his great love for you. I encourage you to pray the following prayer for yourself, even as I have prayed it for myself many times over the years.

Eph 3:14
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Eph 3:15
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
Eph 3:16
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
Eph 3:17
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
Eph 3:18
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
Eph 3:19
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Roughsoul1991 · Nov 22, 2024

TheSunnySapling said:

Magenta's post has some very wise information.

Stay focused on how to lean on God.

What do you do when you feel triggered to return to the toxic atmosphere?

I recommend to STOP.

S- Slow down and ask why am I feeling this way (what caused the trigger of emotion to begin with).
T- Try to replace the negative with a positive (find a positive solution to respond to the trigger).
O-Observe how you feel with the positive (To rewire the brain into preferring the new positive solution).
P-Pray for peace and that God fill you with His strength to seek solutions that glorify Him.

ForgiveMeGod · Nov 23, 2024

TheSunnySapling said:

Listening to the Bible and worship music tends to help me during those kinds of moments.

i separated from my toxic best friend about a year ago and it was like a whole year of seeking God to heal, and I’m still not healed. Cried about it a little over a week ago.

Magenta · Nov 23, 2024

keepingthingsreal said:

... I encourage you to pray the following prayer for yourself, even as I have prayed it for myself many times over the years.

Eph 3:14
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Eph 3:15
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
Eph 3:16
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
Eph 3:17
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
Eph 3:18
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
Eph 3:19
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

From Ephesians 3:14-19

Gideon300 · Nov 23, 2024

TheSunnySapling said:

Remember always that Jesus is on your side. He will never leave you or forsake you. Instead of trying to overcome, give your burden to Lord Jesus. Cast your care on Him who cares so much for you.

crmvet · Nov 23, 2024

Philippians 4:13

keepingthingsreal · Nov 23, 2024

Hi, TSS.

I haven't seen you online today, and I hope that you are doing well. If you see this post sometime today, then please just let us know how you are doing. I am heading off to work now, but you are still in my thoughts and in my prayers. God bless you.

ForgiveMeGod · Nov 23, 2024

keepingthingsreal said:

you are like a legit man of God.

Daniel_Hoseiny · Nov 23, 2024

TheSunnySapling said:

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One week free of a toxic friendship. Please pray for me

TheSunnySapling

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j55

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Magenta

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keepingthingsreal

Jesus is Lord

Roughsoul1991

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ForgiveMeGod

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Magenta

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Gideon300

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crmvet

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keepingthingsreal

Jesus is Lord

ForgiveMeGod

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Daniel_Hoseiny

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