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fact everyone I met there said why you would move here. Well I got back to California that night I got online found a house I called them it was so smooth in fact it was like the owner of the house and I were friends. That was Gods hand directing my path even though I did not know it. I need to stop and say each and every one of us are moved by the hand of God and let me tell you he has a calling on each of our lives. He will finish what he started if we look at Jacobs’s life in (Gen 32:22) Jacob did everything his way God was directing him but he still was trying to do it his way. Finally, God had enough and we read when Jacob wrestled with God at the end he gave Jacob a limp to let him know who was in charge. Sometimes are will get so strong God brings us to our knees by our own choosing to get our attention. He loves us so much and has so much for us he does not want any of us to miss the blessing he has for us. Now at I told my dad we were moving and within two weeks, I was on a plane back to Mississippi. I got the house in the day I got there in Clinton, MS. I when I got there I had no furniture but I was able to get furniture and have the house full in a week with everything I needed even in my sin I was still provided for but what I did not know is was totally not in control. What I mean by that is this no God did not send me to sin or drink but he did place me where he wanted me it was me that kept drinking and partying it was my own will even though deep inside I was never really happy. We can all drink party have fun but when we wake up in the morning we still have a void in the morning that nothing can fill I found that out the hard way.
I was still drinking every night and going out I Was meeting girls but everyone I met was out of my life in a week or two. If fact one girl I met I thought, I liked but I knew she was not for me I guess you could say it like this, we all have bought something and thought we liked it but as time passed, we noticed that we really did not like it. Well then 3 days out of the blue she moved to New York but it did not matter I told myself and everyone I did not want anyone which was a total lie is it funny how not only lie to other people but we lie to ourselves as well. One night I did not want to go out but I was supposed to have gone out to meet a girl that was a daughter of a friend. That was the night that God put the girl of my dreams in my life I was taken to a bar I did not want to go too. Well I went in and looked for my friends my friend who was driving went to the other side of the bar. Well he started talking to a girl I went over to get him when I got to him I saw a girl sitting down just being quite. We started to talk I tried to pull her hair down it was as if we were already friends we never fought it was amazing the only time we did and it was never her was when I would get drunk a tell her she did not love me. Oh how wrong I was you see she did love me I just did not see it cause I did not love myself. We had the most beautiful child like heart as if we were with our child like hearts. I got her number and left as I was walking away I looked back at her and she looked at me I knew something inside well. We met the next day it turned out she moved from Memphis tn about a month before we met she moved to Clinton ms that was Gods hand bringing to people from across the US moving them to the same city and less than 2 mile from each other.
The first time we went out, I went to jail. I was in there all night she was there waiting for me It touched my heart so much but I did not show it you see everyone I met in my life I had to lie or have money to get them to like me or at least it seemed. With her I did not have to lie, I did not want to for the first time I just was me. It was as if I knew we would be together. Now that I look back at knowing, God I knew had brought us together. From the moment, we saw each other I just could not believe it, my heart leaped inside me. If you have someone, you love let God show you his love and let him open your heart to true love a love unexplainable. Ask God or beg God to show you how to be a good man or women a good husband and father or a good wife or mother there is nothing more precious on earth. I have learned one thing ask yourself how much do you love your child and what is the best thing you can do for your child. I have found out the best thing I could give my son is stand as a loving father and believe God he will restore my family that my son would grow up with his mother and father in home full of love, and that is a home that is built on Gods foundation. We became the best friends with true love but I had a void in my heart it was Jesus God was not in my heart so I could not truly love I needed him but I just did not know it. She had a car we gave it to my dad but it broke down so instead of getting her a car I got myself one and my dad one, not her one her car was taken to a repair shop and left. I loved her so much but in my own pain inside, I thought I was showing it by buy things she needed and telling her, I loved her. The only thing she wanted was I and that is the sweetest gift she wanted to give the love that she knew how to give. She left me to go home and visit her friends and ended up disappearing on me for 4 days it hurt me so much. I cried every night I could not sleep or eat I did not turn to God at that time.
I loved her but I kept it inside when she came back I cried to her but instead of asking her to forgive me and change my ways I did not. Then we found out she was pregnant I wanted to marry her and not because she we were having a baby but because she was my everything I was going to ask her even before I knew we were having a baby. Therefore, I did ask her too, after that, I started a business but instead of loving her I loved money I did love her but I thought we needed things and I did not show her the love I had for her. My business was failing and instead of getting a job I tried to keep it, open we had no money her mom sent 400 dollars to pay our bills and another 331.00 for a bounced check. This is where it all started I was still drinking every night and we had our beautiful son named Samuel Brach Bowen on 01/07/09 it was the happiest day of my life along with the night I met my love. She left me 02/01/09 about two months before she left I had a vision. I was woken up from a sound sleep I saw her gone when I woke up my heart was pounding I looked to my left then to my right and my eyes could see her I put my hand on my cheats took a deep breath and fell back to sleep. In God’s grace and love he tried to warn me I should have woke her up and begged her to forgive me and changed my life right then but I did not real size that God was showing me I just thought it was a dream. I did not understand why she left me. I called my family friend like a mom to me I called her my aunt and she walks with god and loves him so much and we talked I cried she started praying for me in that pray she told me god said to put the beer down and get the movie fireproof. After our prayer we hung up I picked up the beer started drinking it all of a sudden I had a pain so bad in my stomach I could not breathe it hurt so bad for like 40 min that next day did not pickup up a beer. I got the movie fireproof and watched but before it was even over, I was on my knees crying asking god to forgive me and asking Jesus to come back in my heart. when I did every desire for beer drinks bars parting was gone I had no shakes nothing it was gone in its place was a heart so full I love for god and then he filled me so much love for Carrie and my son I could not explain it. you see having the desires of your heart does not mean he is going to give you a lot of hot cars a million dollar mansion women these are things we want when God is not in our life. God wants you to have nice things but first seek him when you start walking with God you hearts desires will change. God will start putting his desires in your heart those desires will start to change your life good things will happen that is way the word says in delight yourself also in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I started praying that god would restore my family (my fiancé and son) that he would make me a good husband and father full of love the love they needed. Well I called my aunt (carol) every other day and she would talk and would always prey for me at the end of our talk well. I felt I needed to start selling these things that I worshipped one thing I had was a 4000 hdtv projector set up I was so desperate to sell it to pay her mom back I was trying to sell it for 700 dollars but God had other plans. The person I was trying to sell it to I tried four different times he always said yes but every time he told me to meet, something would go wrong and he could not meet me. so it never went through it was one problem after the next I gave up but then a hotel was going to buy it well I thought that was a for sure thing but God had other plans. That fell thorough but the person who wanted it from the hotel passed my number on to another man. Well that man called me, came, and bought all my blue ray movies for 300 dollars and then he passed my number to a woman about the projector. The next day I got an email from her and I called her and she and her husband and little girl came over we talked and then she said were not sure but we know we are supposed to buy the projector for 1200 it turned out they were born again Christians. We prayed before they left and she said afterward she wants and invention to the wedding I smiled and it boosted me up inside. It turned out I ended up with over 1700 dollars for the things I was tiring to sell for 700.
I was able to pay her mom back not only all the money but also even the money it cost to send it to us so she was paid 781.00.and I was able to catch up on all my bills. Now god gave me a job 4 days after she left me, doing installs for Comcast cable. Now on Sunday 02/23/09 I called my aunt and we talked I told her what had started happening and she told me I needed to find a church I said I know. We prayed and the next day I put a bed frame I had for sale. That same day a young married couple came to look at it. They bought it but they were born again Christians. We started talking and they told me about their church and asked if I wanted to go that Sunday I said well maybe. Now I have been crying at night I looking to God to help my faith was starting to build but I was still shattered inside. When they came back that Friday to pick up the bed and they left directions to their church. I got up and debated going I asked my dad but he said no I went anyway. When I got there I walked in there was no one at the door. I got in and they were all very nice they asked if I wanted coffee but they had no cups they were on the way. Well I had one in my car I went back out to get it when I came back in the wife of the couple that bought my bed was at the door and asked if I got a program. I said no she handed one to me upside down as I was walking I turned it over and it said in big bold letters Gods dream for your marriage. I was amazed you see that is what I was praying for it was God telling me was here and show me his will.
I went home after church smiling. I had to call carol and tell her what had happened even as powerful as to what God showed me i was still a wreck. You see I would be great then I would get all upset if I did not hear from her or she would be mean, it would tear me apart. I was a wreck then I had no faith or little of it. Things would build me up but as I am learning to trust God, I am being totally rejected by my love. I cannot see her nor did she want to I could not see my son I was so hurt but I had hope in God. so I pressed forward you see .when I turned back to Jesus that night he put a love in me for her and my son I could never have without him It was totally unconditional love. Then one day I felt to call the person that took her car to the repair shop the car was now gone for 7 months. A week before I left the bar seen I ran into him I thought I had his number but he got a new one. At the time, I thought it was to go out and party but God had other plans after that day at church that Friday I wanted to get something for her mom and step dad for Christmas since we did not have any money to get them anything and they got me and my dad a jacket. I looked on line at Harley Davidson website and saw two jackets a mans and a women’s I said oh that would be perfect I did not have the money to buy them. Well then, I felt to call him and ask about her car. I did he said he would check the next day he said they had it and that it was fixed and running they never sold it. Now here was the problem they wanted 1800 dollars for the car I did not have the money I was upset I asked God what to do. Then that Monday I felt to sell my car a 1996 aurora it had broken motor mounts the widows did not work right it had problems. I put it up for 1800 dollars the car sold the next day for 1800 dollars how great is our lord.
I picked up her car the next day. Now when she picked up her car as we were riding back to our house I looked at her and told her she would be my wife one day. When I said that she just smiled and I got to see our beautiful son and I cried when her and my little man. Left you see I have had such a love put in my heart for them it hurt every time she spoke bad or did not even care about what had been done or in reality, what God had given me the means to do. All that had been done. I would cry on the floor some nights begging God to help me. When we would talk of the phone, I would keep it so close to my heart I felt so blessed to talk with her and see how my son was. There were many times when we would get off the phone and I would say I love you and she would say ok bye that would tear me up. I never got mad at her or yelled I just would pray to God and ask him for strength. When we attack people because they attack us, it does nothing but drive a wage between you both. Knew God was in control but I was not in control of my fleeing I needed to grow so I could get myself in line with the will of God. I would get thoughts in my head that would say if you turn to God, he would take your family it not his will for you. I was so scared that I started to believe those thoughts no knowing enough about God and how loving he is and faithful. We read in psalms 37:4 delight thyself in the lord and he will give you the desires on your heart I will talk about this further on. Then I also knew I would have no car to get to work. God had that taken care of I was given a van the day before she got her car and her. let me say this not only was car fixed but it had everything in it the way she left it nothing was touched. in 7 months it was never sold or touched not only that I went to the Harley shop and guess what they had one female and one male jacket that was like what I saw online 3 days prior. I bought them both that are our God glory to God. Now just so you know I am still believing one day and crying two days later. My faith is building the word lord says in psalms (56:8) you number my wanderings; Put my tears into your
I was still drinking every night and going out I Was meeting girls but everyone I met was out of my life in a week or two. If fact one girl I met I thought, I liked but I knew she was not for me I guess you could say it like this, we all have bought something and thought we liked it but as time passed, we noticed that we really did not like it. Well then 3 days out of the blue she moved to New York but it did not matter I told myself and everyone I did not want anyone which was a total lie is it funny how not only lie to other people but we lie to ourselves as well. One night I did not want to go out but I was supposed to have gone out to meet a girl that was a daughter of a friend. That was the night that God put the girl of my dreams in my life I was taken to a bar I did not want to go too. Well I went in and looked for my friends my friend who was driving went to the other side of the bar. Well he started talking to a girl I went over to get him when I got to him I saw a girl sitting down just being quite. We started to talk I tried to pull her hair down it was as if we were already friends we never fought it was amazing the only time we did and it was never her was when I would get drunk a tell her she did not love me. Oh how wrong I was you see she did love me I just did not see it cause I did not love myself. We had the most beautiful child like heart as if we were with our child like hearts. I got her number and left as I was walking away I looked back at her and she looked at me I knew something inside well. We met the next day it turned out she moved from Memphis tn about a month before we met she moved to Clinton ms that was Gods hand bringing to people from across the US moving them to the same city and less than 2 mile from each other.
The first time we went out, I went to jail. I was in there all night she was there waiting for me It touched my heart so much but I did not show it you see everyone I met in my life I had to lie or have money to get them to like me or at least it seemed. With her I did not have to lie, I did not want to for the first time I just was me. It was as if I knew we would be together. Now that I look back at knowing, God I knew had brought us together. From the moment, we saw each other I just could not believe it, my heart leaped inside me. If you have someone, you love let God show you his love and let him open your heart to true love a love unexplainable. Ask God or beg God to show you how to be a good man or women a good husband and father or a good wife or mother there is nothing more precious on earth. I have learned one thing ask yourself how much do you love your child and what is the best thing you can do for your child. I have found out the best thing I could give my son is stand as a loving father and believe God he will restore my family that my son would grow up with his mother and father in home full of love, and that is a home that is built on Gods foundation. We became the best friends with true love but I had a void in my heart it was Jesus God was not in my heart so I could not truly love I needed him but I just did not know it. She had a car we gave it to my dad but it broke down so instead of getting her a car I got myself one and my dad one, not her one her car was taken to a repair shop and left. I loved her so much but in my own pain inside, I thought I was showing it by buy things she needed and telling her, I loved her. The only thing she wanted was I and that is the sweetest gift she wanted to give the love that she knew how to give. She left me to go home and visit her friends and ended up disappearing on me for 4 days it hurt me so much. I cried every night I could not sleep or eat I did not turn to God at that time.
I loved her but I kept it inside when she came back I cried to her but instead of asking her to forgive me and change my ways I did not. Then we found out she was pregnant I wanted to marry her and not because she we were having a baby but because she was my everything I was going to ask her even before I knew we were having a baby. Therefore, I did ask her too, after that, I started a business but instead of loving her I loved money I did love her but I thought we needed things and I did not show her the love I had for her. My business was failing and instead of getting a job I tried to keep it, open we had no money her mom sent 400 dollars to pay our bills and another 331.00 for a bounced check. This is where it all started I was still drinking every night and we had our beautiful son named Samuel Brach Bowen on 01/07/09 it was the happiest day of my life along with the night I met my love. She left me 02/01/09 about two months before she left I had a vision. I was woken up from a sound sleep I saw her gone when I woke up my heart was pounding I looked to my left then to my right and my eyes could see her I put my hand on my cheats took a deep breath and fell back to sleep. In God’s grace and love he tried to warn me I should have woke her up and begged her to forgive me and changed my life right then but I did not real size that God was showing me I just thought it was a dream. I did not understand why she left me. I called my family friend like a mom to me I called her my aunt and she walks with god and loves him so much and we talked I cried she started praying for me in that pray she told me god said to put the beer down and get the movie fireproof. After our prayer we hung up I picked up the beer started drinking it all of a sudden I had a pain so bad in my stomach I could not breathe it hurt so bad for like 40 min that next day did not pickup up a beer. I got the movie fireproof and watched but before it was even over, I was on my knees crying asking god to forgive me and asking Jesus to come back in my heart. when I did every desire for beer drinks bars parting was gone I had no shakes nothing it was gone in its place was a heart so full I love for god and then he filled me so much love for Carrie and my son I could not explain it. you see having the desires of your heart does not mean he is going to give you a lot of hot cars a million dollar mansion women these are things we want when God is not in our life. God wants you to have nice things but first seek him when you start walking with God you hearts desires will change. God will start putting his desires in your heart those desires will start to change your life good things will happen that is way the word says in delight yourself also in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I started praying that god would restore my family (my fiancé and son) that he would make me a good husband and father full of love the love they needed. Well I called my aunt (carol) every other day and she would talk and would always prey for me at the end of our talk well. I felt I needed to start selling these things that I worshipped one thing I had was a 4000 hdtv projector set up I was so desperate to sell it to pay her mom back I was trying to sell it for 700 dollars but God had other plans. The person I was trying to sell it to I tried four different times he always said yes but every time he told me to meet, something would go wrong and he could not meet me. so it never went through it was one problem after the next I gave up but then a hotel was going to buy it well I thought that was a for sure thing but God had other plans. That fell thorough but the person who wanted it from the hotel passed my number on to another man. Well that man called me, came, and bought all my blue ray movies for 300 dollars and then he passed my number to a woman about the projector. The next day I got an email from her and I called her and she and her husband and little girl came over we talked and then she said were not sure but we know we are supposed to buy the projector for 1200 it turned out they were born again Christians. We prayed before they left and she said afterward she wants and invention to the wedding I smiled and it boosted me up inside. It turned out I ended up with over 1700 dollars for the things I was tiring to sell for 700.
I was able to pay her mom back not only all the money but also even the money it cost to send it to us so she was paid 781.00.and I was able to catch up on all my bills. Now god gave me a job 4 days after she left me, doing installs for Comcast cable. Now on Sunday 02/23/09 I called my aunt and we talked I told her what had started happening and she told me I needed to find a church I said I know. We prayed and the next day I put a bed frame I had for sale. That same day a young married couple came to look at it. They bought it but they were born again Christians. We started talking and they told me about their church and asked if I wanted to go that Sunday I said well maybe. Now I have been crying at night I looking to God to help my faith was starting to build but I was still shattered inside. When they came back that Friday to pick up the bed and they left directions to their church. I got up and debated going I asked my dad but he said no I went anyway. When I got there I walked in there was no one at the door. I got in and they were all very nice they asked if I wanted coffee but they had no cups they were on the way. Well I had one in my car I went back out to get it when I came back in the wife of the couple that bought my bed was at the door and asked if I got a program. I said no she handed one to me upside down as I was walking I turned it over and it said in big bold letters Gods dream for your marriage. I was amazed you see that is what I was praying for it was God telling me was here and show me his will.
I went home after church smiling. I had to call carol and tell her what had happened even as powerful as to what God showed me i was still a wreck. You see I would be great then I would get all upset if I did not hear from her or she would be mean, it would tear me apart. I was a wreck then I had no faith or little of it. Things would build me up but as I am learning to trust God, I am being totally rejected by my love. I cannot see her nor did she want to I could not see my son I was so hurt but I had hope in God. so I pressed forward you see .when I turned back to Jesus that night he put a love in me for her and my son I could never have without him It was totally unconditional love. Then one day I felt to call the person that took her car to the repair shop the car was now gone for 7 months. A week before I left the bar seen I ran into him I thought I had his number but he got a new one. At the time, I thought it was to go out and party but God had other plans after that day at church that Friday I wanted to get something for her mom and step dad for Christmas since we did not have any money to get them anything and they got me and my dad a jacket. I looked on line at Harley Davidson website and saw two jackets a mans and a women’s I said oh that would be perfect I did not have the money to buy them. Well then, I felt to call him and ask about her car. I did he said he would check the next day he said they had it and that it was fixed and running they never sold it. Now here was the problem they wanted 1800 dollars for the car I did not have the money I was upset I asked God what to do. Then that Monday I felt to sell my car a 1996 aurora it had broken motor mounts the widows did not work right it had problems. I put it up for 1800 dollars the car sold the next day for 1800 dollars how great is our lord.
I picked up her car the next day. Now when she picked up her car as we were riding back to our house I looked at her and told her she would be my wife one day. When I said that she just smiled and I got to see our beautiful son and I cried when her and my little man. Left you see I have had such a love put in my heart for them it hurt every time she spoke bad or did not even care about what had been done or in reality, what God had given me the means to do. All that had been done. I would cry on the floor some nights begging God to help me. When we would talk of the phone, I would keep it so close to my heart I felt so blessed to talk with her and see how my son was. There were many times when we would get off the phone and I would say I love you and she would say ok bye that would tear me up. I never got mad at her or yelled I just would pray to God and ask him for strength. When we attack people because they attack us, it does nothing but drive a wage between you both. Knew God was in control but I was not in control of my fleeing I needed to grow so I could get myself in line with the will of God. I would get thoughts in my head that would say if you turn to God, he would take your family it not his will for you. I was so scared that I started to believe those thoughts no knowing enough about God and how loving he is and faithful. We read in psalms 37:4 delight thyself in the lord and he will give you the desires on your heart I will talk about this further on. Then I also knew I would have no car to get to work. God had that taken care of I was given a van the day before she got her car and her. let me say this not only was car fixed but it had everything in it the way she left it nothing was touched. in 7 months it was never sold or touched not only that I went to the Harley shop and guess what they had one female and one male jacket that was like what I saw online 3 days prior. I bought them both that are our God glory to God. Now just so you know I am still believing one day and crying two days later. My faith is building the word lord says in psalms (56:8) you number my wanderings; Put my tears into your