Pastors who are afraid

[OdaPunkt]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” — 1 John 4:18
“The fear of man will prove to be a snare…” — Proverbs 29:25
“Why are you afraid, you of little faith?” — Matthew 8:26

What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

 

[Gideon300]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:


What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

I agree with you. It's not the way to teach the young, or adults for that matter. We should be witnesses, but we cannot force anyone to convert.

 

[Billyd]

Unless your life style is a witness for Christ, your vocal witness will always be fruitless.

My prayer for children's ministry is always "may each of our children learn more about Christ". The pastor was wrong. It is the job of the adult church ministries to lead people, including children's parents, to Christ.

 

[Snackersmom]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:


What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

His approach is not only wrong, it is damaging and unbiblical. 1 Corinthians 7:16 comes to mind.

Even Jesus did not covert every person He witnessed to, why does the pastor think we should be able to? He is putting far too much importance on the work of humans and not enough faith in the work of God.

I am involved with the youth ministry at my church, and I can't fathom talking to ADULTS that way, let alone kids. They should be encouraged to pray for their parents, obey them in the Lord, speak AS THEY FEEL LEAD, and in general let Christ shine through them. But the thought that any mere human has the innate power to save another is arrogant and incorrect. We plant, we water, but God brings forth the growth.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:


What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

Hi Odapunkt,

I understand your feelings about this issue having worked in children's ministries.
There have been a number of false gospels I've heard certain preachers tell children that compelled me to correct them.
About the only thing we can do is to care enough about them to study God's Word to teach the truth in compassion. The Lord has a big heart for the little ones.

I think we need to point out to the pastors and children's workers that some things are age appropriate. What you described sounds like a preacher who hasn't figured out what is appropriate for children. They can't be expected to handle such a burden. That said, adults sometimes need a bit of motivation to reach those the Lord places in their paths in more ways than one...
Hear are two ways we can authentically reach the lost.
Jude 1:23 KJV

And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

Here is a good example of what to say to lead others to Christ.
One is to adults in general while the other to children. Notice that they are the same message presented with two different ways, not necessarily fear because I can't find an example just yet.

Gospel presentation #1

Gospel presentation to a school

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:


What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

Here is another presentation of the gospel.
This one is more appropriate to be directed to the harder hearted preachers and teachers who believe that their goods works add to the sacrifice of the Savior.

Jude 1:23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

 

[OdaPunkt]

Unless your life style is a witness for Christ, your vocal witness will always be fruitless.

My prayer for children's ministry is always "may each of our children learn more about Christ". The pastor was wrong. It is the job of the adult church ministries to lead people, including children's parents, to Christ.

I am sleep deprived right now so your reply moved me to tears. I just want freedom and love. Why do some Christians feel there should be no freedom? I want children to be encouraged to be exactly who they are. After all Jesus said Mark 10:15 “Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

 

[OdaPunkt]

I agree with you. It's not the way to teach the young, or adults for that matter. We should be witnesses, but we cannot force anyone to convert.

And we should be a safe haven so people feel they can come to us! Especially the young

 

[OdaPunkt]

His approach is not only wrong, it is damaging and unbiblical. 1 Corinthians 7:16 comes to mind.

Even Jesus did not covert every person He witnessed to, why does the pastor think we should be able to? He is putting far too much importance on the work of humans and not enough faith in the work of God.

I am involved with the youth ministry at my church, and I can't fathom talking to ADULTS that way, let alone kids. They should be encouraged to pray for their parents, obey them in the Lord, speak AS THEY FEEL LEAD, and in general let Christ shine through them. But the thought that any mere human has the innate power to save another is arrogant and incorrect. We plant, we water, but God brings forth the growth.

I really love that, we plant we water but God brings forth the growth But do you agree it must be because the pastor is afraid of something? That was just a feeling I got. Afraid not to do his job to the fullest maybe....

 

[Gideon300]

And we should be a safe haven so people feel they can come to us! Especially the young

I agree, but it starts with the parents. They are responsible before God for their children's upbringing.

 

[Suze]

I’ve been thinking about something that’s stayed with me for years.

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

What struck me most wasn’t just the message, but the spirit behind it—it felt like a kind of fear being projected onto them, rather than faith. Even as an adult, it triggered something deeply in me. It stayed with me, and at one point even made me consider becoming a pastor just to stand for something opposite: faith grounded in love, not fear.

These verses keep coming to mind:


What do you all think of pastors approaching faith this way?

We regularly have some street preachers in my town centre where I live , I hate to say this but they r awful . They don't talk much about God or Jesus , they mostly talk about how horrible every one is , how evil they ( the people walking past ) all r , how they r all going to hell etc , it isn't even said passionately but in a very slow monotone . No wonder every one avoids them and no one stops to talk . They only talk about hate and evil and misery . Even when they do mention Jesus they talk about him in an accusatory tone : he died for U ! He paid the price of YOUR SIN AND EVIL ! Most ordinary folk have no idea what sin is , they think it's just things like rape and murder , they haven't done those things so they get offended and keep walking . Before I knew the Truth , I didn't understand the concept of din and atonement etc , so leading with that doesn't seem like the best idea . I have talked to one or two of them but , they r all men and as soon as they realise that I know my Bible , they don't want to talk to me ! Very suspicious bunch .

 

[tablet123]

When I was around 20, I attended a church youth gathering where the pastor spoke to the children in a way that felt deeply wrong to me. He told them it was their responsibility to make their parents believe in Jesus—and that if they failed, their parents would go to hell, and it would be their fault. It wasn’t said gently; it felt aggressive, rooted in fear, and directed at kids who couldn’t possibly carry something like that.

He is saying that because those children believe in Jesus so they should witness to their unbelieving parents.

Which it is true the children should be a witness to their parents but they cannot make their parents believe so it is their responsibility to make their parents believe does not make sense.

If the pastor witnesses and not everyone believes will he be responsible when they are the ones that rejected.

Why would the children be responsible if the parents do not believe.

Now if he said it is their responsibility to witness to their parents but if they reject it is on the parents would make sense.

But why is it their responsibility to make the parents believe if the parents reject and then the children failed when the choice is the parents to reject.

He is trying to motivate the children to be a witness to their parents but going about it wrong.

Trying to put a scare tactic on them to get them motivated to witness to their parents.

For how can he actually believe what he says when he knows all people that witness to people some of them will reject but that is on them.

And knows you cannot make them believe and not your responsibility and you did not fail.

How can the pastor actually believe that a person fails if they witness to a person and they reject when the choice is their choice.

Jesus who is the Master Teacher with perfect wisdom and understanding and relating God's word perfectly not all people believed.

But Jesus will not say He failed for He knows it is their choice.

If a person needs to pay their rent 1000 dollars and you give them the money but they reject paying their rent how did you fail.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

We regularly have some street preachers in my town centre where I live , I hate to say this but they r awful . They don't talk much about God or Jesus , they mostly talk about how horrible every one is , how evil they ( the people walking past ) all r , how they r all going to hell etc , it isn't even said passionately but in a very slow monotone . No wonder every one avoids them and no one stops to talk . They only talk about hate and evil and misery . Even when they do mention Jesus they talk about him in an accusatory tone : he died for U ! He paid the price of YOUR SIN AND EVIL ! Most ordinary folk have no idea what sin is , they think it's just things like rape and murder , they haven't done those things so they get offended and keep walking . Before I knew the Truth , I didn't understand the concept of din and atonement etc , so leading with that doesn't seem like the best idea . I have talked to one or two of them but , they r all men and as soon as they realise that I know my Bible , they don't want to talk to me ! Very suspicious bunch .

I know what you mean.
There were some who did the college circuits when I went to the University. They fed off of the hecklers. The preachers were self righteous and acted as if they were persecuted for righteousness sake when it was nothing more than a reaction to constant insults. They preached a works based "repent of your sins " heresy like the Pharisees did.

What the colleges need are saved preachers to lead their churches of men and women to share the gospel with some genuine compassion to the college students.

The street preaching from the downtown intersections.is mostly a waste of time. Preaching the gospel needs to be at public gatherings otherwise people are just walking to a destination. The most effective way is for men/ women, boys/girls to share the good news with another adult to individuals IMHO.

 

[Snackersmom]

I really love that, we plant we water but God brings forth the growth But do you agree it must be because the pastor is afraid of something? That was just a feeling I got. Afraid not to do his job to the fullest maybe....

Hi miss Oda, the planting and watering analogy I used was based off of 1 Corinthians 3 . That whole chapter is a good read for this subject but here are verses 4 through 7:

1 Corinthians 3:4-7 NKJV —
"For when one says, “I am of Paul,” and another, “I am of Apollos,” are you not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one? I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."

As far as your pastor being driven by fear, you may very well be right but I dont know him so I really couldn't say. But I CAN say that the approach you described will cause a lot of fear and stress in those children.

It's totally good and right and proper to teach kids about sharing their faith, but like @HealthAndHappiness was saying it has to be age-appropriate. And should be biblically accurate as well.... the teaching you described from that particular pastor was not biblically sound.

 

[OdaPunkt]

We regularly have some street preachers in my town centre where I live , I hate to say this but they r awful . They don't talk much about God or Jesus , they mostly talk about how horrible every one is , how evil they ( the people walking past ) all r , how they r all going to hell etc , it isn't even said passionately but in a very slow monotone . No wonder every one avoids them and no one stops to talk . They only talk about hate and evil and misery . Even when they do mention Jesus they talk about him in an accusatory tone : he died for U ! He paid the price of YOUR SIN AND EVIL ! Most ordinary folk have no idea what sin is , they think it's just things like rape and murder , they haven't done those things so they get offended and keep walking . Before I knew the Truth , I didn't understand the concept of din and atonement etc , so leading with that doesn't seem like the best idea . I have talked to one or two of them but , they r all men and as soon as they realise that I know my Bible , they don't want to talk to me ! Very suspicious bunch .

Interesting — so they want to talk with everyone about the Bible, except someone who knows it well suspicious indeed!

 

[OdaPunkt]

He is saying that because those children believe in Jesus so they should witness to their unbelieving parents.

Which it is true the children should be a witness to their parents but they cannot make their parents believe so it is their responsibility to make their parents believe does not make sense.

If the pastor witnesses and not everyone believes will he be responsible when they are the ones that rejected.

Why would the children be responsible if the parents do not believe.

Now if he said it is their responsibility to witness to their parents but if they reject it is on the parents would make sense.

But why is it their responsibility to make the parents believe if the parents reject and then the children failed when the choice is the parents to reject.

He is trying to motivate the children to be a witness to their parents but going about it wrong.

Trying to put a scare tactic on them to get them motivated to witness to their parents.

For how can he actually believe what he says when he knows all people that witness to people some of them will reject but that is on them.

And knows you cannot make them believe and not your responsibility and you did not fail.

How can the pastor actually believe that a person fails if they witness to a person and they reject when the choice is their choice.

Jesus who is the Master Teacher with perfect wisdom and understanding and relating God's word perfectly not all people believed.

But Jesus will not say He failed for He knows it is their choice.

If a person needs to pay their rent 1000 dollars and you give them the money but they reject paying their rent how did you fail.

"Jesus who is the Master Teacher with perfect wisdom and understanding and relating God's word perfectly not all people believed.

But Jesus will not say He failed for He knows it is their choice."
Very true. Free will is important, we have it for a reason. I believe that when judgment comes it will not be about how bad people are inside but about their choices. Many people have a good heart and even a innocent quality but their choices betray their own hearts, for success in this mortal world. God is who created us with so much good within us, the one who should be praised for it is Him.

 

[OdaPunkt]

Hi miss Oda, the planting and watering analogy I used was based off of 1 Corinthians 3 . That whole chapter is a good read for this subject but here are verses 4 through 7:

1 Corinthians 3:4-7 NKJV —
"For when one says, “I am of Paul,” and another, “I am of Apollos,” are you not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one? I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."

As far as your pastor being driven by fear, you may very well be right but I dont know him so I really couldn't say. But I CAN say that the approach you described will cause a lot of fear and stress in those children.

It's totally good and right and proper to teach kids about sharing their faith, but like @HealthAndHappiness was saying it has to be age-appropriate. And should be biblically accurate as well.... the teaching you described from that particular pastor was not biblically sound.

I think about that a lot. Many people are influenced and swayed by everything. Alot of people like to quote philosophers and other people and are influenced by their "superiority". My favorite verse is: Matthew 11:7: “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind?” We are nothing without God. Any perceived "intelligence" that people have — God created it.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

@OdaPunkt ,

What do you believe a person must do to be saved?

 

[OdaPunkt]

@OdaPunkt ,

What do you believe a person must do to be saved?

Can I ask you something? Because I am curious how things work on forums like these. Do you feel anything right now? Do you hope that I have the same view as you? Or do you hope we disagree? What are you feeling?

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Can I ask you something? Because I am curious how things work on forums like these. Do you feel anything right now? Do you hope that I have the same view as you? Or do you hope we disagree? What are you feeling?

We share the same interest in children and you asked a question about our opinions on the pastor's approach.
That is why I took time to provide my perspective and look up 3 videos and think of Scriptures that might apply.
So far I might have invested an hour into this thread, so I want to know what your perspective is on the basis of the entire topic if I can simplify it. How does a person receive everlasting life?
That's the starting point IMHO.
That would be even more important than the method in which that pastor or any pastor/ Christian would convey it.
I'm not interested in arguing.