Patching up a relationship

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Melanie99

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Hey guys, so I'm in a tight spot and didn't know what else to do. I have this good friend that we both acknowledged the option of us dating in the future. Last night I played a joke on him saying I liked him just to see how he'd react (note that my other friends and I do this with each other as well so I'm used to it). However, he took it badly, even though he doesn't have feelings for me, saying that I was "joking about something very serious" and that "he's lost his trust in me and the possibility of us in the future." Now I take full responsibility for what I did and apologized profusely, and we talked about it and realized we were somewhat misunderstanding each other. But he's still hurt, still doesn't trust me, and still doesn't see me as a potential gf in the future. Is there anything else I can do? And where do I go from here to try to get back to where things were before?
 
He is overly sensitive :/ but I just hate to see our friendship be torn apart from this little thing.
 
Melanie99 said:
He is overly sensitive :/ but I just hate to see our friendship be torn apart from this little thing.
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it is hard to see it torn apart, but if something this small becomes such a big deal then what would happen if you had a large issue come between you?
 
That's a good point. He just sees it as a big issue because he "lost trust in me."
 
Melanie99 said:
That's a good point. He just sees it as a big issue because he "lost trust in me."
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if you guys had talked about dating before then i could see how saying that you liked him and then saying "just kidding' would come across as saying "i don't like you". but you have already talked about it i don't get why he thinks it is still an issue. i think it may be time for a deeper talk where you both lay out your intentions for the relationship and how much you like each other, that may really help define things.
 
The guy sounds like an oversensitive pansy. Listen, there are many more qualified men out there.
Dont chase the sissies.
 
Stop jokingly telling people you like them, if you really don't. Especially a guy. Now he may think that you're just a game player who doesn't truly care about him or his feelings. What you did was unsincere. Sincere people do NOT say something like that, just to get a reaction. I'd say you pretty much destroyed the friendship you two had, all for the stupid sake of seeing his reaction to what you said. He doesn't trust you, and you're obviously not girlfriend material for him. Seems to me you need to stop saying things you don't mean, just to get a reaction. That is hurtful, mean and dishonest. I don't know how old you are, but I DO know you need to grow up and leave this childish behavior behind you, because it just cost you a good friend, who will most likely NEVER trust you again. :/ You might wanna tell your friends who do this, to knock off their stupid behavior too.
 
Melanie99 said:
Hey guys, so I'm in a tight spot and didn't know what else to do. I have this good friend that we both acknowledged the option of us dating in the future. Last night I played a joke on him saying I liked him just to see how he'd react (note that my other friends and I do this with each other as well so I'm used to it). However, he took it badly, even though he doesn't have feelings for me, saying that I was "joking about something very serious" and that "he's lost his trust in me and the possibility of us in the future." Now I take full responsibility for what I did and apologized profusely, and we talked about it and realized we were somewhat misunderstanding each other. But he's still hurt, still doesn't trust me, and still doesn't see me as a potential gf in the future. Is there anything else I can do? And where do I go from here to try to get back to where things were before?
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Honestly sounds like you have some growing up to do. Normally when people acknowledge the possibility of dating in the future it means they like each other in a romantic way, but for some reason are choosing to wait.

This game you and your friends have sounds like you are trying to find out if people like you without having to put yourselves on the line. Problem is now everyone knows this is a game even if they are interested, they know there is a good chance you are just playing games with them so they won't say anything lest they be the fool who thought you were actually interested.

Others have commented that this is a small issue, I completely disagree with that, playing with people's feeling to protect yourself is a huge issue. Putting yourself on the line and saying you like someone only to be publicly regected as part of a game can have long lasting psychological effects.

Only way I can see to get your friend back would be to have a completely honest talk with him and even then you probably won't go back to the way things were. I get the impression that he liked you, but the very fact you would do that to him made him feel like he is nothing but a game and keeping your options open to you. It doesn't matter how bad you feel about your actions, the fact that your actions reveled your feelings means your friendship is probably forever changed.
 
Melanie99 said:
He is overly sensitive :/ but I just hate to see our friendship be torn apart from this little thing.
Click to expand...

Melanie99 said:
That's a good point. He just sees it as a big issue because he "lost trust in me."
Click to expand...

Three weeks ago you posted in the Christian Singles Forum that you like this guy who didn't feel the same way about you. He expressed to you that he only wanted to be friends. You asked the forum what you could do to change his mind. Is this the same guy you refer to in this thread?

That same week (perhaps the same day?) in the Miscellaneous Forum you said you had broken up with a "quiet and reserved" guy and then stated you were dating a different guy. You posted: "This new guy is more outgoing, emotional, and fun loving, and idk what I feel about it." Is the new guy the same guy you refer to in this thread?

I guess what I'm saying is I don't understand how you can have broken up with the reserved guy recently, got into a new relationship three weeks ago with an out-going guy and now are telling the guy you refer to in this thread that you like him (as a joke). Are you writing this story as you go along or is this all actually happening?

I'm just seriously confused and don't know how to respond to your situation. :confused:
 
i agree, BUT he seems somewhat oversensitive too. i think it's both @ladyblue
 
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