Perhaps Im Scared JK Okay Maybe I Am

[Plantbean]

I'm in that time in life when I'm about to graduate high school and all I'm sure in is that I need to get into college. Unfortunately, I'm what you would call a first generation student, which basically means that I will be the first one in my family to ever pursue a higher education.
Perhaps it's the thought of ending like my father with a limp to his step and physical labor beating at his old bones that scares me. Or maybe it's my mother who wasted her life savings on a dream that didn't become a reality . Either way I'm utterly terrified of failure and what it could bring. Money issues have always haunted my family and my traumatized self does not want to end up like my parents. Nope. I refuse.
But it doesn't help that my parents don't really think college is that important in fact when I mentioned student tuition they flat out told me to just not go and just stay at home . But I look at my siblings who don't really have a career and I want to cry. I know they can't help me or that they might not understand the concept that is college. So I'm all alone in figuring things out and I am scared. So scared because what if those times I've been looking at my family I've been just staring at a mirror. What if I go and don't even get a good job out of it and they greet me with a "I told you so".
Not to mention I feel guilty. Even if I do succeed it will be bitter , because getting out of poverty is great just not as great when your family is still in it. And I know they will ask me for money and I also know that I should be careful of me giving to much to them unless I want the outcome to end like like a previous incident between my father and his siblings. Ugh it's just all so complicated for me. In the end I already know that I'm going, I've already applied. But I just need some reassurance, and perhaps some advice.

 

[Magenta]

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, 1952

 

[Mii]

Consider local alternatives to the price. You don't want to be in debt, people that dole out that money take advantage of your hopes and dreams and your optimism that you will pay it all back plus interest when you have that "high paying job". Do your research.

Community college is a smart option for the first 2 years until you decide on what major you would like to pursue. If you can't figure it out by then...audit some classes you might potentially be interested in at the specialized school you would like to attend. Not every professor allows for auditing (basically guesting the class) but some do. You don't get credit but you will still learn the information and have more of a gauge...I dug myself into a hole in debt going to a private Christian school because I felt at the time that was the Lord's will.

but of course, seek the Lord on it.

 

[Dibby53]

I'm in that time in life when I'm about to graduate high school and all I'm sure in is that I need to get into college. Unfortunately, I'm what you would call a first generation student, which basically means that I will be the first one in my family to ever pursue a higher education.
Perhaps it's the thought of ending like my father with a limp to his step and physical labor beating at his old bones that scares me. Or maybe it's my mother who wasted her life savings on a dream that didn't become a reality . Either way I'm utterly terrified of failure and what it could bring. Money issues have always haunted my family and my traumatized self does not want to end up like my parents. Nope. I refuse.
But it doesn't help that my parents don't really think college is that important in fact when I mentioned student tuition they flat out told me to just not go and just stay at home . But I look at my siblings who don't really have a career and I want to cry. I know they can't help me or that they might not understand the concept that is college. So I'm all alone in figuring things out and I am scared. So scared because what if those times I've been looking at my family I've been just staring at a mirror. What if I go and don't even get a good job out of it and they greet me with a "I told you so".
Not to mention I feel guilty. Even if I do succeed it will be bitter , because getting out of poverty is great just not as great when your family is still in it. And I know they will ask me for money and I also know that I should be careful of me giving to much to them unless I want the outcome to end like like a previous incident between my father and his siblings. Ugh it's just all so complicated for me. In the end I already know that I'm going, I've already applied. But I just need some reassurance, and perhaps some advice.

What will you study?

 

[morefaithrequired]

Nice post. Youve got my seal of approval. My reassurance. And my prayer.
I can be haunted by "what if" thinking. It can lead to procrastination and inertia. The worst decision is sometimes no decision at all.
Seems you are called to transcend your family values and narrow mindset. Courage is needed to folloe your true path. Stay close to God and you will be fine!

 

[Plantbean]

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, 1952

Thank you so much ! I'll be sure to keep this in mind as a move forward in life♥️♥️

 

[Plantbean]

Nice post. Youve got my seal of approval. My reassurance. And my prayer.
I can be haunted by "what if" thinking. It can lead to procrastination and inertia. The worst decision is sometimes no decision at all.
Seems you are called to transcend your family values and narrow mindset. Courage is needed to folloe your true path. Stay close to God and you will be fine!

Thank you so much! Your words and prayers will surely help me as I go into this new chapter in my life ♥️

 

[Plantbean]

What will you study?

Marketing

 

[Plantbean]

Consider local alternatives to the price. You don't want to be in debt, people that dole out that money take advantage of your hopes and dreams and your optimism that you will pay it all back plus interest when you have that "high paying job". Do your research.

Community college is a smart option for the first 2 years until you decide on what major you would like to pursue. If you can't figure it out by then...audit some classes you might potentially be interested in at the specialized school you would like to attend. Not every professor allows for auditing (basically guesting the class) but some do. You don't get credit but you will still learn the information and have more of a gauge...I dug myself into a hole in debt going to a private Christian school because I felt at the time that was the Lord's will.

but of course, seek the Lord on it.

This is solid advice and I recommend it to anyone however I attend a collegiate high school. I will be graduating with my associate's degree, this puts me in a situation where I don't have time . But I thank you for the reminder to be wise with my money, that's a lesson we all must take to heart as we grow older. Thank you ♥️

 

[Ghoti2]

I'm in that time in life when I'm about to graduate high school and all I'm sure in is that I need to get into college. Unfortunately, I'm what you would call a first generation student, which basically means that I will be the first one in my family to ever pursue a higher education.
Perhaps it's the thought of ending like my father with a limp to his step and physical labor beating at his old bones that scares me. Or maybe it's my mother who wasted her life savings on a dream that didn't become a reality . Either way I'm utterly terrified of failure and what it could bring. Money issues have always haunted my family and my traumatized self does not want to end up like my parents. Nope. I refuse.
But it doesn't help that my parents don't really think college is that important in fact when I mentioned student tuition they flat out told me to just not go and just stay at home . But I look at my siblings who don't really have a career and I want to cry. I know they can't help me or that they might not understand the concept that is college. So I'm all alone in figuring things out and I am scared. So scared because what if those times I've been looking at my family I've been just staring at a mirror. What if I go and don't even get a good job out of it and they greet me with a "I told you so".
Not to mention I feel guilty. Even if I do succeed it will be bitter , because getting out of poverty is great just not as great when your family is still in it. And I know they will ask me for money and I also know that I should be careful of me giving to much to them unless I want the outcome to end like like a previous incident between my father and his siblings. Ugh it's just all so complicated for me. In the end I already know that I'm going, I've already applied. But I just need some reassurance, and perhaps some advice.

College is probably right for anyone who dreams no higher than herd-mediocrity. Each of us has to decide if that is what we will settle for.

 

[Mii]

This is solid advice and I recommend it to anyone however I attend a collegiate high school. I will be graduating with my associate's degree, this puts me in a situation where I don't have time . But I thank you for the reminder to be wise with my money, that's a lesson we all must take to heart as we grow older. Thank you ♥️

Well, that's more illuminating. Congrats on being wise with your high school time. That's not something most do. I think they get distracted by the trap of AP. Not saying AP is terrible or anything, just that you would be better served to dual enroll as most schools offer that.

A few college credits vs almost ALL of your gen eds out of the way? Clear choice. Unfortunately it is not advertised.




So, it seems to me that the thing that you need to do is figure out what direction you want to take as far as your major coursework. Do you have any solid ideas? Teaching is a good filler career while you continue higher education.

If you think you might be able to tolerate teaching I would give this some thought. A lot of the careers that people think they have to blitz through with no deviation (such as legal or medical fields) this is not the case. It "seems" like it and is purported as such but there are always alternate paths to any field.

College is probably right for anyone who dreams no higher than herd-mediocrity. Each of us has to decide if that is what we will settle for.

Interesting. What's to say someone couldn't use that as a security blanket to further search?

 

[Ghoti2]

Interesting. What's to say someone couldn't use that as a security blanket to further search?

Possible, I guess.

 

[Mii]

Possible, I guess.

I mean that's what I thought to do...teaching seemed like a good base for further exploration, while at the same time sharpening other's minds in the process. Also a free way to travel.

At the same time there are practical ceiling concerns with this method. I've given it about 7 years of thought, I still don't know but I may just jump on it. I hesitate to be "credentialed" but, it just seems so convenient that I'm finding it difficult to not strongly consider it again.


If I went back to school now...It'd only take me a year and a half, but I'd be committed. It's a hard choice for vaguely defined reasons. I always saw it as a waste of potential somehow, but even with tons of time to think about it, I can't exactly pinpoint how that is true unequivocally. Generally it is a distinct possibility but for every individual? I don't know alas.