Please Help Me

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SearchingForSalvation

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I have done bad things in the past. I have never, nor would I ever physically harm anyone ever, but that aside, I feel as though I am a bad person. My mother is very religious and for that reason I always pretended to be a believer, when in reality it all just seemed unrealistic to me. Recently I've become distraught, afraid of what will happen to me when I die, partially because I've been considering suicide. I've begun praying to God for help, but It's not helping because I want to believe I truly do, but I don't know if the only reason I'm praying is because I'm afraid of Hell or because I believe in God. I'm afraid if I'm not true enough when I pray then I will end up in hell where I belong, even if I don't commit suicide which I know people say is a 1 way ticket to hell. Please help me.

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Ask God to make himself real to you. The questions are inside of you because you want to know him and God wants to know you.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. God wants to help you. He wants to fill the void. Heal the loneliness. You are his precious child. I would encourage you to start listening to a Christian rock station, get involved in church and socialize with some Christians.

I'll be praying. Good luck.
 
I understand what you're feeling. I was there, before.

I grew up in the church, but my dad was very physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. My mom started drinking heavily when I was a kid. I hated myself and wished I would die, and I even tried to make it happen when I was 18. Afterward, I recommitted my life to God. When I was 19, I met someone and fell madly in love, even though I knew he wasn't right for me. Our relationship wasn't godly. Seven years later, we broke up, and I felt lost.

I looked for God. I knew He was there, but I didn't just want to believe in the Christian God because He was all I'd ever heard of. Finally, after trying Buddhist temples, universalist and unitarian churches, and reading about every other religion under the sun, I resigned myself to belief that Jesus must be God. But I was angry.

See, I had talked to pastors who told me to just pray more, go to church more, and read more. They said it would help my anxiety. They quoted me these verses about being anxious for nothing. So, I thought, the bible isn't all truth because I've been praying all day and going to church five days a week and reading all the time. I was mad that God would demand so much more than I could ever give Him.

And that, I think, is the point. There was nothing I could do to earn His love or forgiveness, peace or happiness. The more I tried, the more I found I couldn't do it.

God loves us, me and you, the people we are, more than we could ever imagine. I thought that whole time that He was mad at me like I was mad at Him, but when I stopped fuming, He was still waiting with open arms.

You aren't a bad person. You're someone who's sinned, just like the rest of us. God loves YOU, apart from the world, just you. And he doesn't just want prayers (though He loves it when we talk to Him). He wants to have a relationship with you. He wants you to love Him in return.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. God isn't angry at you; Jesus died so that you could live.
 
There are times I have wondered where I have felt why God wasn't real in the past. I only realized it was because a spritual warfare/battle was going on inside me. It happens to alot of christians. There is a constant battle that goes on spiritual battle...for our souls. The Devil only wants to do his best to drag us down to hell with him. He wants us to avoid the truth, and wants to convince of lies that may seem truths. They are most definitley not! Pray to God, and ask him to teach you how to recognize and show you what's real. Surrender everything! Nobody can do this alone, or on our own which is why God is there to help us through everything. He knows our problems and cares! I also suggest you talk to a trusted pastor about this kind of thing too :)
 
:) I love you so much my friend. The first step to realizing the Truth of Jesus, is a broken and contrite heart. You have that. And Jesus knows. But Satan is very real and he wants to turn that into oppression.

I made a post, I think called Heaven and Hell. In it I gave a link to a testimony that you can read online. My friend. Now with this heart, go and read the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. And pray that the Lord will help you see what it is all about. I love you so much my friend. May Jesus bless you.
 
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