T
tryingtohavefaith
Guest
Update: For everyone who prayed for me, even though this isn't a very happy ending and is painful for me to write, you deserve to know what happened.
First let me say this. In my life, I have asked god for only 4 THINGS. And he graciously answered my prayers all four times.
Two of the things i asked for were last week, when i prayed 1.) That Jake will not go to jail and lose rights with his daughter, that he is safe. and 2.) That at least Jake's love for me will have been real, even if i can't have him back.
After not hearing anything for more than a week, my mom woke me up early yesterday morning and said "I'm going to be going to the town right next to his, it's two hours away so this is the only time i'll be going there. We'll stop by his work and you can ask if he's alright" I was like "Mom, isn't that stalkerish?... and weird?" and she said "Look, you deserve peace, if he's just ignoring you and being a jerk, you deserve to at least know he's not dead or in jail, you deserve the truth. You don't have to act weird, just politely ask if he's in and if you could speak to him for a minute"
I got up early and agreed, against my better judgement...
My mom and i stop at her work and she tells me "we're getting in there" and it's a giant white moving van "we have to swap out the trucks, this one is not doing well" and i was like "MOM!!! WE CAN'T SHOW UP IN THAT!!! Its so creeepyyyyy" but she was like "Look, that's why we're going in the first place, take it or leave it, i'm doing you a favor"
So we get in, and i was like "This is going to be a really interesting chapter in the sad memoir of my life..." and my mom is just laughing, i laughed too.
So we go, swap out the trucks, and go to this work. I was so nervous to go in, but i did. I asked the lady at the desk if he was in, and she said he wasn't. But then suddenly another man appears, (i didn't know this at the time but it was Jake's boss) and he's like "Let me call his cell!!"
My heart sunk.... He really did change his number to avoid me, my heart was pounding.. The guy says "Hi Jeremy! There is a BEAUTIFUL lady in the office here to see you!!" and then i can hear tones of disapproval over the phone. His boss says "oh... he doesn't want you to come looking for him here, he's on his way in.." That confused me, i was like "Wait.. um, should i wait or leave?" and both of them, the lady and his boss were like "You should leave" The lady insisted though that i leave my number and name, in case Jake wanted it, so i did.
I walked out and my mom was like "So how did it go?" I told her.. and she was like "We're going to his house," and i was didnt like the idea, but i felt so sick, and wished i could talk to him so badly, i just went with it.
We hit every red light imaginable, and finally found his door. I went up to the door, no one lived there.. a different lady's name was on the mail. My mom was like "Want me to ask the neighbors if they know him?" I said nothing.
My mom asked a lady next store, she said she didn't know. My mom asks these grannies across the street sitting on rockers in front of an extremely fancy house, if they know Jake. The fanciest granny was like "Oh! I do know him!! He works with my grandson! are you looking for him? I can call my grandson and tell him to get him!" The granny tells me mom, that Jake suddenly moved out of his apartment into a another apartment on a nearby street... with his ex and daughter....
My mom tells me and i'm speechless, but at least i know the truth. We get in the truck... and my mom is curious and wants to drive by the road to see if we see them. I just sat their, lifeless.
We didn't see them, or anything. We returned to the house with the granny, and my mom was like "Wanna talk to the granny?" because i was too in disbelief, i thought it had to have been a long time ago that this happened, it couldn't be real. I couldn't speak to her. But my mom went out and talked to her again. The granny says "I called my grandson!!" and she's all happy and excited, thinking we are guests for Jake or something. My mom starts telling the granny the situation and she was really sympathetic and she was like "shit happens!! look at us! we're alone and we're happy!!" my mom starts talking about her divorce, and the grannies invite her to sit with them, give her a rootbeer and they're instant friends.
My mom motioned me to come join, and I slowly stepped out of the truck, i looked at my phone, and realized i had like 6 missed calls from Jake's work, and i was about to call back... I looked up... and I saw a car pull in next to the granny's house....
It was Jake...
He comes up to me, calmly, seemingly stressed, and says "What are you doing?"
I couldnt speak for a second, and he said "you went to my work? thats kind of weird" and i was like "I was worried about you, okay? you disappeared..." I was being really sheepish, i just felt defeated
he was like "i'm sorry.. I just changed my number because i thought you had the last say and i was gonna start off on a new page, and i got my daughter back" and i was like "oh.. you don't want to talk to me anymore though?..." and he was like rambling about how he didn't think i would ever truly be with him and i was like "Jake, I love you. I realized it in January, and i've wanted to tell you ever since, and i wanted to take things to the next level"
he suddenly got really emotional and teary eyed and you could tell he was torn he was like "why didn't you tell me this sooner" and i was like "I wanted it to be in person" I did, and i had no idea this would happen so it was no rush at the time
he was like "but what you said last time we talked, and i hadnt gotten to see you,"and i was like "I was just upset because i wanted to see you so badly to tell you, and when you said that, it made me think maybe you didnt care" and he was like "I have cared about you though, for two years" and i was like "i know, i know, i realized it after, i reread the texts and i felt so awful, im sorry" and he was fighting back tears "why didnt you tell me this sooner" he said,
he told me he went down to his home state, got his daughter back, not mentioning the ex yet,
,
he was like "I have my daughter back, and it's the most wonderful thing in the world" and im like "I know, and she should always come first" he was like "I dont know what to do, i need to think about it, i dont know, i dont want to lose her again" and i was like "i know"
I asked if i could give him a hug, and he gave me a really long hard hug, and he was trying to fight back tears. He was like "why are you in a moving van?" and i laughed and was like "its from my moms work-" he was baffled she was there, i was like "shes over there,(pointing to the grannies and her laughing and having rootbeer) she makes friends fast" i was laughing a bit, he waved at her
He was like "I wish you had told me this sooner," and i was like "well... what happens now?..i mean.. are we going to..talk?" and he wouldnt give me his number, he said he would have to think and he would get back to me, and he very emotionally left.
He called me three more times from work that day. Telling me his ex was living with him, and that basically there was an "ultimatum" where he would have to pick between me and his daughter.
I said to him, "Look, your daughter comes first. I never want to do anything to get in the way of that. I just want you to be happy, and i am at peace now that i know youre not dead or in jail, and that i got to tell you what i told you"
he was like "well yeah but because of what you told me, now i'm not at peace"
The other times we talked, he still seemed torn. His ex found out about the situation, and he was terrified she was going to take his daughter away again and leave. He told me he still loved me, but was still stressed.
Everything happens for a reason. I don't know what happens next, but i guess i just go on with my life
First let me say this. In my life, I have asked god for only 4 THINGS. And he graciously answered my prayers all four times.
Two of the things i asked for were last week, when i prayed 1.) That Jake will not go to jail and lose rights with his daughter, that he is safe. and 2.) That at least Jake's love for me will have been real, even if i can't have him back.
After not hearing anything for more than a week, my mom woke me up early yesterday morning and said "I'm going to be going to the town right next to his, it's two hours away so this is the only time i'll be going there. We'll stop by his work and you can ask if he's alright" I was like "Mom, isn't that stalkerish?... and weird?" and she said "Look, you deserve peace, if he's just ignoring you and being a jerk, you deserve to at least know he's not dead or in jail, you deserve the truth. You don't have to act weird, just politely ask if he's in and if you could speak to him for a minute"
I got up early and agreed, against my better judgement...
My mom and i stop at her work and she tells me "we're getting in there" and it's a giant white moving van "we have to swap out the trucks, this one is not doing well" and i was like "MOM!!! WE CAN'T SHOW UP IN THAT!!! Its so creeepyyyyy" but she was like "Look, that's why we're going in the first place, take it or leave it, i'm doing you a favor"
So we get in, and i was like "This is going to be a really interesting chapter in the sad memoir of my life..." and my mom is just laughing, i laughed too.
So we go, swap out the trucks, and go to this work. I was so nervous to go in, but i did. I asked the lady at the desk if he was in, and she said he wasn't. But then suddenly another man appears, (i didn't know this at the time but it was Jake's boss) and he's like "Let me call his cell!!"
My heart sunk.... He really did change his number to avoid me, my heart was pounding.. The guy says "Hi Jeremy! There is a BEAUTIFUL lady in the office here to see you!!" and then i can hear tones of disapproval over the phone. His boss says "oh... he doesn't want you to come looking for him here, he's on his way in.." That confused me, i was like "Wait.. um, should i wait or leave?" and both of them, the lady and his boss were like "You should leave" The lady insisted though that i leave my number and name, in case Jake wanted it, so i did.
I walked out and my mom was like "So how did it go?" I told her.. and she was like "We're going to his house," and i was didnt like the idea, but i felt so sick, and wished i could talk to him so badly, i just went with it.
We hit every red light imaginable, and finally found his door. I went up to the door, no one lived there.. a different lady's name was on the mail. My mom was like "Want me to ask the neighbors if they know him?" I said nothing.
My mom asked a lady next store, she said she didn't know. My mom asks these grannies across the street sitting on rockers in front of an extremely fancy house, if they know Jake. The fanciest granny was like "Oh! I do know him!! He works with my grandson! are you looking for him? I can call my grandson and tell him to get him!" The granny tells me mom, that Jake suddenly moved out of his apartment into a another apartment on a nearby street... with his ex and daughter....
My mom tells me and i'm speechless, but at least i know the truth. We get in the truck... and my mom is curious and wants to drive by the road to see if we see them. I just sat their, lifeless.
We didn't see them, or anything. We returned to the house with the granny, and my mom was like "Wanna talk to the granny?" because i was too in disbelief, i thought it had to have been a long time ago that this happened, it couldn't be real. I couldn't speak to her. But my mom went out and talked to her again. The granny says "I called my grandson!!" and she's all happy and excited, thinking we are guests for Jake or something. My mom starts telling the granny the situation and she was really sympathetic and she was like "shit happens!! look at us! we're alone and we're happy!!" my mom starts talking about her divorce, and the grannies invite her to sit with them, give her a rootbeer and they're instant friends.
My mom motioned me to come join, and I slowly stepped out of the truck, i looked at my phone, and realized i had like 6 missed calls from Jake's work, and i was about to call back... I looked up... and I saw a car pull in next to the granny's house....
It was Jake...
He comes up to me, calmly, seemingly stressed, and says "What are you doing?"
I couldnt speak for a second, and he said "you went to my work? thats kind of weird" and i was like "I was worried about you, okay? you disappeared..." I was being really sheepish, i just felt defeated
he was like "i'm sorry.. I just changed my number because i thought you had the last say and i was gonna start off on a new page, and i got my daughter back" and i was like "oh.. you don't want to talk to me anymore though?..." and he was like rambling about how he didn't think i would ever truly be with him and i was like "Jake, I love you. I realized it in January, and i've wanted to tell you ever since, and i wanted to take things to the next level"
he suddenly got really emotional and teary eyed and you could tell he was torn he was like "why didn't you tell me this sooner" and i was like "I wanted it to be in person" I did, and i had no idea this would happen so it was no rush at the time
he was like "but what you said last time we talked, and i hadnt gotten to see you,"and i was like "I was just upset because i wanted to see you so badly to tell you, and when you said that, it made me think maybe you didnt care" and he was like "I have cared about you though, for two years" and i was like "i know, i know, i realized it after, i reread the texts and i felt so awful, im sorry" and he was fighting back tears "why didnt you tell me this sooner" he said,
he told me he went down to his home state, got his daughter back, not mentioning the ex yet,
,
he was like "I have my daughter back, and it's the most wonderful thing in the world" and im like "I know, and she should always come first" he was like "I dont know what to do, i need to think about it, i dont know, i dont want to lose her again" and i was like "i know"
I asked if i could give him a hug, and he gave me a really long hard hug, and he was trying to fight back tears. He was like "why are you in a moving van?" and i laughed and was like "its from my moms work-" he was baffled she was there, i was like "shes over there,(pointing to the grannies and her laughing and having rootbeer) she makes friends fast" i was laughing a bit, he waved at her
He was like "I wish you had told me this sooner," and i was like "well... what happens now?..i mean.. are we going to..talk?" and he wouldnt give me his number, he said he would have to think and he would get back to me, and he very emotionally left.
He called me three more times from work that day. Telling me his ex was living with him, and that basically there was an "ultimatum" where he would have to pick between me and his daughter.
I said to him, "Look, your daughter comes first. I never want to do anything to get in the way of that. I just want you to be happy, and i am at peace now that i know youre not dead or in jail, and that i got to tell you what i told you"
he was like "well yeah but because of what you told me, now i'm not at peace"
The other times we talked, he still seemed torn. His ex found out about the situation, and he was terrified she was going to take his daughter away again and leave. He told me he still loved me, but was still stressed.
Everything happens for a reason. I don't know what happens next, but i guess i just go on with my life
