First off I had a very rough pregnancy but the doctors kept assuring me the baby was fine.. but I miscarried at 12 weeks. We had told my daughter ( 3 yrs old) about the baby thinking the baby was almost to the age where miscarriage is less likely. She was very excited about having a sibling.
We had the nursery ready to go all except painted ..we wanted to start early preparing her for her new baby brother or sister.
I was in the hospital with bronchitis, kidney stones, urinary tract infection, severe hypermesis ( extreme nausea 24-7), and a hematoma on my uterus, all at the same time, yet they did not do an ultrasound to check on baby bc my levels were good.. this was at 8 weeks ish. My job informed me that I had been on bedrest too long and fired me.
At 12 weeks I felt like I needed to have an ultrasound done.. i was still sick and just had a feeling something wasnt right, so I went in and they could not find a heartbeat. There are alot of things that were done wrong epsecially considering i was high risk from the beginning (3 prior miscarriages) so we are actually in the midst of a malpractice lawsuit against the doctor.
I shouldve been 12.5 wks at time of ultrasound. They say the baby died at 8 wks 6 days. It was hard enough on my husband and I but then we had to tell our daughter.
Our doctor asked if I wanted to take the medicine to help me pass the baby on my own or if i wanted a d and c ( to surgically remove the remains)
I told them..my baby has been dead for a month. I want the d and c. ( my body had no idea the baby was no longer alive and I had not started any of the process naturally on my own).
We made the appt to have the d and c done. My husband and I went in for the procedure and they sent me home with the medicine instead against our wishes.
My body did not react correctly to the medicine.
I had all the pain of labor but didnt dilate and couldnt pass the baby naturally. I lost alot of blood and was in incredible pain so we went to the hospital.. where they continued to send me home with the same medication 4 more times ( with a hospital trip in between each). At one point my 3 yr old daughter saw me lose so much blood that she thought I was dying ( this was at a point she was home with me, we were waiting on my husband to get home from work and we thought the effects had subsided). She was traumatized.
A week after they gave me the medicine the very first time, they finally did my surgery. At this point, I was emotionally and physically just done, and I'll admit I am struggling with being angry at God myself.
Just when we thought it was almost over, I almost hemorrhaged after the surgery and had to go back to the hospital..
Ever since then my daughter has had nightmares. She also has been confused about death and she is very angry.
She asks all the time " when is the baby coming" even though we have explained the baby was sick, the baby died and the baby is in heaven with God. She doesnt understand... and who can? were adults and we dont even understand.
She has asked " can santa bring the baby for Christmas?".. or " why did the baby die?"... or "can I see the baby?"..We have explained it over and over and she still asks every day.. .but thats not even the worst part..
TODAY, we were talking about Christmas, and she said "no its Winter Solstice."... I said " no baby, its Christmas. We believe in Christmas because of the baby Jesus and God." ( she knows the manger story etc.) She then told me she no longer believes in God or Jesus or Christmas. I then asked her didnt she believe that the baby was in Heaven with God? And she told me there wasnt a God or a Heaven. My heart broke. We asked her why she didnt believe anymore, was it because we told her the baby was in heaven with god? And she said yes... and that the baby wasnt dead and it was alive somewhere else, but that there wasnt a heaven or a god.
She is so angry and I know shes young and too young to understand but she has lost all faith in God, Jesus, Heaven, Christmas, everything. Please, please, pray for my family. We have been struggling so hard to keep faith ourselves and to accept the loss of our baby, but my child no longer believing in God or Heaven, just hurts my heart so badly. She grieves for this baby so. We covet your prayers through all we are enduring at the current time.
We had the nursery ready to go all except painted ..we wanted to start early preparing her for her new baby brother or sister.
I was in the hospital with bronchitis, kidney stones, urinary tract infection, severe hypermesis ( extreme nausea 24-7), and a hematoma on my uterus, all at the same time, yet they did not do an ultrasound to check on baby bc my levels were good.. this was at 8 weeks ish. My job informed me that I had been on bedrest too long and fired me.
At 12 weeks I felt like I needed to have an ultrasound done.. i was still sick and just had a feeling something wasnt right, so I went in and they could not find a heartbeat. There are alot of things that were done wrong epsecially considering i was high risk from the beginning (3 prior miscarriages) so we are actually in the midst of a malpractice lawsuit against the doctor.
I shouldve been 12.5 wks at time of ultrasound. They say the baby died at 8 wks 6 days. It was hard enough on my husband and I but then we had to tell our daughter.
Our doctor asked if I wanted to take the medicine to help me pass the baby on my own or if i wanted a d and c ( to surgically remove the remains)
I told them..my baby has been dead for a month. I want the d and c. ( my body had no idea the baby was no longer alive and I had not started any of the process naturally on my own).
We made the appt to have the d and c done. My husband and I went in for the procedure and they sent me home with the medicine instead against our wishes.
My body did not react correctly to the medicine.
I had all the pain of labor but didnt dilate and couldnt pass the baby naturally. I lost alot of blood and was in incredible pain so we went to the hospital.. where they continued to send me home with the same medication 4 more times ( with a hospital trip in between each). At one point my 3 yr old daughter saw me lose so much blood that she thought I was dying ( this was at a point she was home with me, we were waiting on my husband to get home from work and we thought the effects had subsided). She was traumatized.
A week after they gave me the medicine the very first time, they finally did my surgery. At this point, I was emotionally and physically just done, and I'll admit I am struggling with being angry at God myself.
Just when we thought it was almost over, I almost hemorrhaged after the surgery and had to go back to the hospital..
Ever since then my daughter has had nightmares. She also has been confused about death and she is very angry.
She asks all the time " when is the baby coming" even though we have explained the baby was sick, the baby died and the baby is in heaven with God. She doesnt understand... and who can? were adults and we dont even understand.
She has asked " can santa bring the baby for Christmas?".. or " why did the baby die?"... or "can I see the baby?"..We have explained it over and over and she still asks every day.. .but thats not even the worst part..
TODAY, we were talking about Christmas, and she said "no its Winter Solstice."... I said " no baby, its Christmas. We believe in Christmas because of the baby Jesus and God." ( she knows the manger story etc.) She then told me she no longer believes in God or Jesus or Christmas. I then asked her didnt she believe that the baby was in Heaven with God? And she told me there wasnt a God or a Heaven. My heart broke. We asked her why she didnt believe anymore, was it because we told her the baby was in heaven with god? And she said yes... and that the baby wasnt dead and it was alive somewhere else, but that there wasnt a heaven or a god.
She is so angry and I know shes young and too young to understand but she has lost all faith in God, Jesus, Heaven, Christmas, everything. Please, please, pray for my family. We have been struggling so hard to keep faith ourselves and to accept the loss of our baby, but my child no longer believing in God or Heaven, just hurts my heart so badly. She grieves for this baby so. We covet your prayers through all we are enduring at the current time.