Welcome sister. Sorry to hear about your situation. I saw my mom die in 1980s, I was ten years old. We all have different levels of pain. Let Jesus fill the wounds in your heart.
1 Peter chapter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness, by His wounds you have been healed.
Isaiah chapter 40
He gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak.
Psalm chapter 147
He heals the broken heart's and binds up there wounds.
Don't forget to repent. Ask Jesus to heal you. He is merciful God. And you do have members in body of Christ that care about you. Peace.