I don't find the kind of stuff I am going through is normal. I get bullied at every single job I have no matter what I do. I'm either set up in some way or picked on and even threatened. Then every apartment I live in the neighbors start off okay and then start doing things like making loud noises,having parties and cursing loud at 12am. I had previous neighbors give me dirty looks and go around trying to pop the car tires. Then if I'm sitting somewhere in a parking lot I'm sure it traffiking a strange person appears and stands Infront of the car either watching me or looking. Then half the family is in debt and the other half of my family is in a cult. It's like ever since my uncle got into the cult our lives got worse and worse. I feel he had something to do with my grandmothers death possibly sacrificing her. I don't understand how life gets worse for our side of the family. Then I can't get a relative of mine to stop playing a game with witchcraft in it. He tortures me I been stuck with him for 8 years. I was badly abused by him in the past he turned out like his dad. I even got bullied at several churches the last church I was at the pastor tried to get me to marry a 43 year old man and I just realized he was watching me since I was a minor so the whole time the guy was like a predator. I almost gave in because I was desperate because of my abusive home situation but I finally got the strength to say No. The guy made himself look like the victim and turned other members of the church against me. I struggled to make friends especially since I turned Christian. It's almost impossible because of my race. I had to deal with racism all throughout my childhood. Now I have a serious phobia of people and I panic when I'm around people. I have constant meltdowns at my current retail job and the manager seems to have some kind of hidden evil. Everytime I work around him it's like something really bad happens that pushes me over the edge. I'm stuck in debt trying to pay off braces. Then I have people coming in my job harassing and bullying me. The famous word I always hear is "ugly." I mean I do have a extreme fear of people and only deal with them when I am forced to. I was sitting in a shopping center yesterday and heard "all black girls are ugly." I'm sure that's what I heard. I often have to hear it I'm guessing the devil uses it against me because he knows that tears me apart. I don't know if the devil is behind making women especially women of color insecure but when I stopped wearing makeup all together I constantly got called ugly, had things thrown at me, and guys getting aggressive. Then since I have curly hair that's another thing. People assume I'm homeless because I wear my hair curly EVEN IF ITS TAMED. I can't stay in my apartment because the neighbors torture me constantly.
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