Father God,
I do not what to be a stingy person. You know my brother Travis has asked me to take up a collection for him for some shoes. When he ask this no one usually helps. He was denied parole and they will not look at his case again for 5 years. My heart breaks for him. I look at all my shoes and think why am I so blessed. I have not received a job after the move and do not feel I have the money to get the shoes by myself. My husband said we cannot buy anything extra right now. I pray that I could do more for those in need and not have the guilt and worry that comes with it did I do enough should I have done more. There are so many hurting people out there and it is hard to know who will do the most with the little seed that I could give but I need a job first.
Then there is this darkness that is following me and I am waiting for your relief from this burden. I wait on you Lord because my hope and trust are in you. I have prayed and I know you have heard me please delay no longer and turn your hand in my favor for my heart is enlarged with sorrow and it waits for the dawn of this veil to be lifted. My eyes are open in the night watches as I ponder this affliction. I would have given up hope if I did not believe I would taste of your goodness in the land of the living. My ashes surround me and water has come up to my neck. The pit is a strange mixture of light and darkness that I find it hard to stand. My legs shake and my knees give way. My head and mind tremble as my heart ponders the things I know and the things I don’t know. I can touch the wall but it feels beyond pushing through. I look to you for I know you are my shield and strength. You are the one who reaches down and picks me up when no one else even knows I have fallen. Your alter is covered with my tears the ones that no one sees as my body is laid out before you as the dust of the earth waiting for the day it will blow away. I weep for the warmth that I have never know and yet I know it stands just out of my grasp. I can feel the warmth but can’t stay to long because the pain over takes me. I feel they must not see me cry they don’t understand how could they? The tears I cry are just the over flow of the ones that have never had their day. For if they should come to light could I live or would I die. I read in your word that they look upon you and are not a shame. I find this place sometimes but then the darkness over takes me and I think how do they live there. Does anyone truly live there or is that still to come when the new life begins. How I long for this worm to become a butterfly. Lord help me to know you, to rest under the cover of your wings. Why should I be afraid of a man who just dies or the son of man who is like the grass that I forget you who I find comfort in. You lift my head and teach me to walk. You are the joy in my steps and the hunger of my heart. My confidence is in you. Should you move the mountain I will praise you , but if you say it is a mountain we climb together I say let me not fall asleep until I see the light of your glory at the top and then let me rest for the new day to come when there are no more tears and all sorrow has been washed away. In Yeshua’s Holy name I pray amen.
I do not what to be a stingy person. You know my brother Travis has asked me to take up a collection for him for some shoes. When he ask this no one usually helps. He was denied parole and they will not look at his case again for 5 years. My heart breaks for him. I look at all my shoes and think why am I so blessed. I have not received a job after the move and do not feel I have the money to get the shoes by myself. My husband said we cannot buy anything extra right now. I pray that I could do more for those in need and not have the guilt and worry that comes with it did I do enough should I have done more. There are so many hurting people out there and it is hard to know who will do the most with the little seed that I could give but I need a job first.
Then there is this darkness that is following me and I am waiting for your relief from this burden. I wait on you Lord because my hope and trust are in you. I have prayed and I know you have heard me please delay no longer and turn your hand in my favor for my heart is enlarged with sorrow and it waits for the dawn of this veil to be lifted. My eyes are open in the night watches as I ponder this affliction. I would have given up hope if I did not believe I would taste of your goodness in the land of the living. My ashes surround me and water has come up to my neck. The pit is a strange mixture of light and darkness that I find it hard to stand. My legs shake and my knees give way. My head and mind tremble as my heart ponders the things I know and the things I don’t know. I can touch the wall but it feels beyond pushing through. I look to you for I know you are my shield and strength. You are the one who reaches down and picks me up when no one else even knows I have fallen. Your alter is covered with my tears the ones that no one sees as my body is laid out before you as the dust of the earth waiting for the day it will blow away. I weep for the warmth that I have never know and yet I know it stands just out of my grasp. I can feel the warmth but can’t stay to long because the pain over takes me. I feel they must not see me cry they don’t understand how could they? The tears I cry are just the over flow of the ones that have never had their day. For if they should come to light could I live or would I die. I read in your word that they look upon you and are not a shame. I find this place sometimes but then the darkness over takes me and I think how do they live there. Does anyone truly live there or is that still to come when the new life begins. How I long for this worm to become a butterfly. Lord help me to know you, to rest under the cover of your wings. Why should I be afraid of a man who just dies or the son of man who is like the grass that I forget you who I find comfort in. You lift my head and teach me to walk. You are the joy in my steps and the hunger of my heart. My confidence is in you. Should you move the mountain I will praise you , but if you say it is a mountain we climb together I say let me not fall asleep until I see the light of your glory at the top and then let me rest for the new day to come when there are no more tears and all sorrow has been washed away. In Yeshua’s Holy name I pray amen.
