I
When I first met my husband I was sure I was a very worthy woman. I could cook, sew, I was hard-worker, intelligent, I did relentlessly all the best for my husband and my family, I was a problem solver, I massaged my husband's feed, I did everithing to him to be a marriage. Problem is absolutely nothing impressed my husband. And I mean totaally and relentlessly indifferent. He was totally indifferent to all I had to offer. He just sat there, talked to my mother, played warhammer, watched his horror movies. Not even intimacy with me moved him. He was uninterested and bothered by the idea, he actually thought I had a problem on this, I tried everything in one year and a half and it was completely useless. My husband is a chunck of ice, Then I started to get seriously sick, first it was depression and then full-blown OCD. I couldn't stand my husband's indifference. He behaved with civility towards me, at times, although he didn't like (he loathed) physical contact. I lost my fertile years to him.
Now I am not the same kind of person I was when I met him. I feel like doing absolutlely nothing. I just skmoke and smoke and let the hours pass filled with my OCD thoughts and having no fear about the future. I have no hope even for survival who cares living for another of the same kind of day. I only watch Christian material, read the Scripture, but even that I doubt, for if even my husband loathes me how can I expect God to love me. He gave me that husband.
He is a nice man carried out this duties takes care of my elderly mother treats me with civility but he doesn't love me. When I was OK I irritated the hell out of him and now he treats me as a sick person. All this is disempowering me to the point that I feel tortured. I only had my job to try and feel a little good about myself and now I've lost even that, apparently I am keeping on working but I don't want to do anything anymore, besides my OCD medication is leaving me really lethargic. I just want to do absolutely nothing.
I have had many hurts in my life but I think the darkest wound the one who killed me was that my husband was not impressed at all by anything I had to offer to him as a woman. I was absolutely invisible and even despicable to him. He even looked at other women with desire, And he told me as if it was a natural thing.
For economic reasons I cannot separate besides I believe in marriage till the end of times, but I wonder what will be of me, living a life in which my graces and goods are not welcome or are simply not taken into consideration. My self is fallen into a void of indifferene
What has the scripture to offer to me in situations like this one? I really hope my husband opened his eyes and realised I was a good woman but now after the OCD and medication and such I wouldn't want to be with me myself. I have thebiggest L on my forehead that was ever written. I completely lost in the game of life, everything that I did.
I only hope God loves me a little ins spite of all.
Thank you for your peayers God bless ou.
Now I am not the same kind of person I was when I met him. I feel like doing absolutlely nothing. I just skmoke and smoke and let the hours pass filled with my OCD thoughts and having no fear about the future. I have no hope even for survival who cares living for another of the same kind of day. I only watch Christian material, read the Scripture, but even that I doubt, for if even my husband loathes me how can I expect God to love me. He gave me that husband.
He is a nice man carried out this duties takes care of my elderly mother treats me with civility but he doesn't love me. When I was OK I irritated the hell out of him and now he treats me as a sick person. All this is disempowering me to the point that I feel tortured. I only had my job to try and feel a little good about myself and now I've lost even that, apparently I am keeping on working but I don't want to do anything anymore, besides my OCD medication is leaving me really lethargic. I just want to do absolutely nothing.
I have had many hurts in my life but I think the darkest wound the one who killed me was that my husband was not impressed at all by anything I had to offer to him as a woman. I was absolutely invisible and even despicable to him. He even looked at other women with desire, And he told me as if it was a natural thing.
For economic reasons I cannot separate besides I believe in marriage till the end of times, but I wonder what will be of me, living a life in which my graces and goods are not welcome or are simply not taken into consideration. My self is fallen into a void of indifferene
What has the scripture to offer to me in situations like this one? I really hope my husband opened his eyes and realised I was a good woman but now after the OCD and medication and such I wouldn't want to be with me myself. I have thebiggest L on my forehead that was ever written. I completely lost in the game of life, everything that I did.
I only hope God loves me a little ins spite of all.
Thank you for your peayers God bless ou.
Please let me add you as a friend. God bless you