Question for the guys

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Catlynn

Guest
#21
#21
O_O uuuuhhhhhh.....


These "games" are no good to me. LoL I'm all about the up front and honest. Flirting is fun and a great interaction tool but not always how I judge wether or not someone likes me. Actions speak way louder than words, I feel. If a man is interested, he will make it clear. At least from my experience. :) but then again....I could be completely wrong. I'm no man. Haha
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#22
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#22
Its really not a game, anymore than typing in this forum is a game or having any positive conversation is a game.

I was merely using a game as a metaphor for how the conversation progresses.


I personally don't think flirting is a game unless it is clear that is the intention. Then it becomes more of a spetator sport for the people watching more than an actual well intentioned conversation.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#23
#23
I never really took flirting seriously either until I realized that other people did.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#24
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#24
I guess, there is a depth that can be passively reached where every glance and look can mean so much that I cannot take it lightly. To be seen understood weighed and measured, by someone with the capacity to ignore any front presented to them, is a SCARY feeling.

Most people don't have this superpower, so flirting is usually harmless and victimless. The people who have this superpower usually know it and rarely divulge what they actually know or see. But like a cold war, where everyone has their finger on "the bomb" or "the eject button" hurting the wrong person can have disasterous consequences.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#25
#25
Exactly. Once you realize that what you see as harmless kidding around is taken seriously by others..and they end up getting hurt in some way, it makes you feel like dirt, so you try to be more careful :(
 
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sweetnshy

Senior Member
#26
Sep 10, 2003
219
4
18
#26
Matthew said:
No, there is no way, converesely we guys have no way to tell if a cute smile is just friendly or a signal that she's nervous around us because she likes us.

The good news is, you don't need to be able to tell.
When a guy flirts with you, or you think he is flirting with a romantic intention, all you have to do is flirt back and see how he reacts because any Christian guy will know it's on him to ask you out and if he doesn't it's either because he is just a friendly guy who flirts for fun, or it's that he just lacks the confidence to take that chance.

You could help him out and make the move, but it is important to remember that if a guy can't get over the first hurdle of asking you for a date, then is he going to be capable of leading the relationship that might develop?
That is a judgement call only you can make, as the person who knows his manner and character etc......

So just flirt back, give him a week, or however long you consider reasonable to build up some confidence, and if nothing happens, just forget aboout it.
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Probably good advice...having said that, any tips on how to flirt? Apparently a lot of people are born knowing how but I somehow missed that gene, because I am definitely not fluent in flirting! Pretty much never gotten attention from guys before, so I just don't know how to respond.
 
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niceguyJ

Senior Member
#27
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#27
sweetnshy said:
Probably good advice...having said that, any tips on how to flirt? Apparently a lot of people are born knowing how but I somehow missed that gene, because I am definitely not fluent in flirting! Pretty much never gotten attention from guys before, so I just don't know how to respond.
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Online, and sometimes in person, just saying "hello" to a guy will make him think you want to marry him. Just sayin'.

Yeah, maybe I'm not much help. heh :D I don't get all this stuff though, honestly. Assumptions and guessing are lame. I like Bridget's post. Direct is better.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#28
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#28
sweetnshy said:
Probably good advice...having said that, any tips on how to flirt? Apparently a lot of people are born knowing how but I somehow missed that gene, because I am definitely not fluent in flirting! Pretty much never gotten attention from guys before, so I just don't know how to respond.
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Flirting is like the opposite of being direct. Its all based on intuition. To speak as though the words you use are not the words you mean but, in a way the person understands exactly what you mean.

take this for example:

You think you are smooth?!

vs

You think you're smooth... ;)

big difference.
 
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Catlynn

Guest
#29
#29
Jullianna said:
Exactly. Once you realize that what you see as harmless kidding around is taken seriously by others..and they end up getting hurt in some way, it makes you feel like dirt, so you try to be more careful :(
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This is more what I meant by "games" people being unaware of the other person because they become so focused on self. That's why direct is better. :)
Unfortunately, I've been the one to hurt quite a few people. I'm also one of the ones who can see right through someone. :/ I've learned to be careful of everything that I say and how I say it and I still can sometimes hurt people. :(
However, if everyone is just having fun and that's a known fact? XD fun conversation. :D
 
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Matthew

Guest
#30
#30
sweetnshy said:
Probably good advice...having said that, any tips on how to flirt? Apparently a lot of people are born knowing how but I somehow missed that gene, because I am definitely not fluent in flirting! Pretty much never gotten attention from guys before, so I just don't know how to respond.
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In general I think you should take your cue from the guy in question, just respond to what he does, you don't need to actually flirt with him yourself because you aren't pursuing him, you just need to make sure that you are responding to him.
So if he moves close to you, don't move away (unless you're uncomfortable!), he can take that as a sign you like him, if he smiles, makes a joke then respond directly to him, do not be general, or he'll second guess himself.

It is difficult to say though, because 'fliritng' covers a range of small behaviours and as the person who knows him only you can indentify what is and what isn't. It isn't easy to navigate, especiailly if you're new too it.
The most important thing is to place limits on how long you are willing to engage in this sitaution, flirting has to turn into a serious date after a short time, if it doesn't then continuing to try and understand the guy will just mess you up, and it's not worth it.
 
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