Question

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student

student

Senior Member
Jul 20, 2010
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I had a rough childhood, altered in and of itself due to traumatic circumstances that my parents had trouble understanding, trouble in forgiving themselves and each other. It wasn't their fault. Nonetheless great emotional turmoil began many years ago and didn't stop until Dad was admitted to the nursing home. Eight years since my died. Today is their anniversary. They stayed married after all that...never an easy marriage after that.

The question I need an opinion on is this: When I do my job and share their story (I'm a consumer peer support) I feel torn. I know my parents know they are forgiven. I believe they've forgiven me, prior to passing.

I hate to implicate they were bad parents. I'm thinking a disclaimer. I know it helps people to have someone who identifies with their pain. I just cringe thinking they are listening to me talk about the forbidden and that I dishonor them.

Off to work. Be blessed, friends.
 
Naive question alert:
What's a consumer peer support?

(I googled. Didn't help.)
 
I've been diagnosed with a mental illness, therefore I'm a "consumer" of services, per se. Peers are those who also have a mental illness. Supporter...to a new beginning in Recovery.
 
It would not hurt to share how their behavior made you feel - don't judge the rightness and wrongness. Just share how you responded. And what you learned about yourself and about God, and how He brought you through the circumstances and began to "restore your soul". You want to end with giving Him the glory.
 
student said:
I've been diagnosed with a mental illness, therefore I'm a "consumer" of services, per se. Peers are those who also have a mental illness. Supporter...to a new beginning in Recovery.
Click to expand...
So you tell what they did that caused you mental anguish? You're not just repeating the story to point fingers, right? Assuming not, then the truth is it's quicker to forgive others for horrible thing they've done than to forgive yourself for what you've done. (Even when the cause wasn't us, we still blame it on us.) In order to do the latter, you have to tell what got you there. And, in order to heal, you have to face both -- what they did and how you dealt with it. From there you learn better ways to cope and better ways to direct your actions and feelings in the future (and now, since you can't do that too well in the future, if you don't practice it well now.)

So, it's okay to talk about. Its absolutely needs to be talked about or you're going to keep making the same choices you have made, that have caused the problems to begin with.
 
You are the one placing the emphasis on you. Assuming what others are thinking. But these people are coming for help, and are more focused inward, rather than on you and your story. While your relaying your story to then may be helping them, chances are they are less focused and judgmental about your parents than you are assuming.
The focus should be on them, not you. I'd suggest spending less time worrying about what they are thinking of your parents and more focus on the person seeking help. After all, these people are strangers to you, and your parents, so their opinions about your parents are irrelevant.
if you still can't let it go, then just add to the end of it, briefly, that things were reconciled. But keep it brief.
 
student said:
I had a rough childhood, altered in and of itself due to traumatic circumstances that my parents had trouble understanding, trouble in forgiving themselves and each other. It wasn't their fault. Nonetheless great emotional turmoil began many years ago and didn't stop until Dad was admitted to the nursing home. Eight years since my died. Today is their anniversary. They stayed married after all that...never an easy marriage after that.

The question I need an opinion on is this: When I do my job and share their story (I'm a consumer peer support) I feel torn. I know my parents know they are forgiven. I believe they've forgiven me, prior to passing.

I hate to implicate they were bad parents. I'm thinking a disclaimer. I know it helps people to have someone who identifies with their pain. I just cringe thinking they are listening to me talk about the forbidden and that I dishonor them.

Off to work. Be blessed, friends.
Click to expand...

The day I stopped pretending I loved my dad and admitted to myself that I hated him was a day of incredible liberation.
 
Utah said:
The day I stopped pretending I loved my dad and admitted to myself that I hated him was a day of incredible liberation.
Click to expand...

I don't now, nor ever did hate my Father or Mother. I have the deepest respect for them. I hated their actions and all the emotions that surfaced. I forgave them. And I love them from here to eternity... I pray you were able to forgive your dad and let the hurt he may caused you dissipate. God bless!
 
atwhatcost said:
Naive question alert:
What's a consumer peer support?

(I googled. Didn't help.)
Click to expand...

A "consumer" is someone who has applied for, is eligible for, or who has received mental health services. This also includes parents and legal guardians when they have a child under the age of 13, or a child 13 or older and they are involved in their treatment plan. (This might vary in other states.)
 
student said:
I had a rough childhood, altered in and of itself due to traumatic circumstances that my parents had trouble understanding, trouble in forgiving themselves and each other. It wasn't their fault. Nonetheless great emotional turmoil began many years ago and didn't stop until Dad was admitted to the nursing home. Eight years since my died. Today is their anniversary. They stayed married after all that...never an easy marriage after that.

The question I need an opinion on is this: When I do my job and share their story (I'm a consumer peer support) I feel torn. I know my parents know they are forgiven. I believe they've forgiven me, prior to passing.

I hate to implicate they were bad parents. I'm thinking a disclaimer. I know it helps people to have someone who identifies with their pain. I just cringe thinking they are listening to me talk about the forbidden and that I dishonor them.

Off to work. Be blessed, friends.
Click to expand...

Okay, I put the parts in bold that confused me... I'm sorry, who died? That sounds important, and I didn't want to skim over it!
 
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